[realtreegirl3]

So I will give a little bit of background for my history in relationships has been rocky. I have been cheated on multiple times in different relationships which has resulted in me being quite insecure in new relationships. I am also very insecure about myself due to being made fun of throughout my school years.


My boyfriend and I have been together for about a year now. We were friends first before we became a couple. When we first started our relationship, everything was amazing. We have a connection and relationship not just as lovers but as best friends as well. He has always been affectionate and loving towards me. He still is to this very day. We talk about marriage and having kids together. He evens tells his friends I am the girl that he's going to marry. Last July he moved in with me and my daugther into my moms house. Our relationship has been the best one I've ever been in. Which in the beginning meant I had no issue with him chatting with other girls. He never flirted or anything like that. I felt secure for once in a relationship. Well in August he went on a family trip with his family and his son/baby mama. I had a weird feeling the entire time he was away as I always do. I thought it was just me missing him but I guess it wasn't.

I had found out after he came back from his weekend trip that he had messed around with his son's mom.He didn't have sex but they had tried to but he "couldn't get it up" which feels just as bad as him actually doing it. He completely confessed and told me how much he regretted that it even happened. I had made the choice to forgive him and I do because I know it was a mistake.

Well now a year later I am feeling really insecure about our relationship. I feel like he is going to get tired of me and leave me. We have been arguing off and on ever since what happened back in August.. I think a lot of it is me. I get very jealous now when he talks to any girl and he smiles or is friendly, like a normal person should be. I even get upset now when we are hanging out with a lot of friends and he isn't paying attention to me enough.

I know what I'm doing isn't right, and I feel like I do it because in someway I think it'll help but it only ever causes problems. I don't know how to stop with how I've been acting. All I want is to get back to nomal and have that amazing relationship we once had.

How do I get over my insecurities and stop worrying that he doesn't love me anymore when he clearly does? I want to be that happy girl he had fallen in love with. Please be kind when answering!

[realtreegirl3]

I have always struggled with anxiety and a small about of depression when I was younger but I was never perceived as unhappy around others. Ever since my dad passed away a year ago my personality has changed.Now people say that I have an attitude in my voice and I can't hear it.I am also asked a lot by friends,boyfriend, and my family "what's wrong?" or "you seem like you're upset" If I'm not smiling it looks like I am upset but I'm not this is just my relaxed face. I figure I just need to smile all the time now but I know that isn't going to happen all the time and I don't know how to change this when I can't hear it for myself or I know I'm not upset. Please would like some advice. How do I just get back to my normal self?

[talaniman]

I merged your two threads because they both give a telling picture as a whole of a person who has been through a lot and maybe not has unpacked her past baggage or healed from it.

I can bet your boyfriends behavior was like an old rerun but for now practicing thinking before you act or speak to keep from engaging in impulsive words or behavior that just leads to conflicts with no resolutions. You have to regain the cool, calm, and in control person you need to be again. I get anger and hurt is just below the surface and can break out quickly but you have to be more thoughtful of words and actions even if you are only trying to protect yourself.

I don't think you are as much insecure, as you are afraid, and it would help to express this to your boyfriend so he will know what you are emotionally going through, and have patients as you work on yourself control. It's a struggle and people around you are picking upon that struggle to over come your hurts, and fears.

Be patient with yourself, and do good things for yourself as you REGAIN your lost/bruised emotional strength, and self confidence. Then maybe you can COPE with what life gives you, be it good or bad. And be grateful for what you have, not what you think you have lost, or what you think others have done to you.

[realtreegirl3]

Thank you so much for that advice!