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UW1 · Apr 5, 2014, 06:32 AM

We started as friends at work. She began visiting me out of her department and people were noticing her liking me. I didn't feel the same until she added me to Facebook and started messaging me. After I started falling for her, she got her boyfriend a job with us, I was unaware she was in a relationship until he started. Anyway her and I talk for nearly 30 minutes at work sometimes more throughout the day. We have expressed our mutual feelings for each other and her basically telling me her relationship is done and I need to give her a reason but I told her I'm not going to steal you from him because the same thing happened to myself. Anyway, I'm becoming to realise she's not leaving him and its agitating me that I want her. What am I supposed to do?

smoothy · Apr 5, 2014, 07:11 AM

Gee... isn't it obvious?. she is in a long term relationship with someone that isn't you. Find someone else that isn't in one.

talaniman · Apr 5, 2014, 07:31 AM

Can't you just be friends without getting carried away by your own feelings? If you can't leave her alone and be respectfully busy and unavailable for the 30 minute torture sessions. Go back to your fun life before she showed up.

catonsville · Apr 5, 2014, 07:36 AM

Keep it up, and the three of you may find yourselves in the unemployment line.

odinn7 · Apr 5, 2014, 09:21 AM

What are you supposed to do? You realize that she isn't going to leave him and you give up on her and move on. Simple. Problem solved.

Confushasay · Apr 7, 2014, 04:58 PM

I don't mean to be blunt here or rude... but it's really simple... she's using you as a boyfriend figure because her boyfriend wasn't there she needs attention and now that her boyfriend has come into the picture again she doesn't need you anymore. The only reason why she said she had feelings was more than likely to keep you there so she's not alone and that you would be there until her boyfriend comes back. I'm sorry to say it but she just used you, if she really cared and had strong feelings for you and her relationship was really over then she would be with you. For all you may know she might have been doing the same thing with other guys as well.

UW1 · Apr 7, 2014, 05:21 PM

She still talks to me, he's always there. I'm starting to believe I'm her power play to make him jealous to spice her feelings for him higher. I keep telling her to fix their problems and it's basically over but she goes home to/with him every night. Why am I the "toy"

odinn7 · Apr 7, 2014, 05:30 PM

Why? Because you allow yourself to be so she will keep doing it.

Fr_Chuck · Apr 7, 2014, 11:30 PM

Yes, because you answer her emails, you seem to think that a Facebook friend is something special. (get a life, who cares if they friend or unfriend you on facebook)

You stop chatting with her, since she is using you. I agree, at some point this will affect your job and be unneeded

talaniman · Apr 8, 2014, 07:35 AM

Question!

Originally Posted by UW1

She still talks to me, he's always there. I'm starting to believe I'm her power play to make him jealous to spice her feelings for him higher. I keep telling her to fix their problems and it's basically over but she goes home to/with him every night. Why am I the "toy"

Perfect Answer!!

Originally Posted by odinn7

Why? Because you allow yourself to be so she will keep doing it.

I absolutely agree with Odin, YOU have ALLOWED her to make you a toy. You make her a priority while she plays you as an option.

carolmonroe38 · Apr 8, 2014, 01:53 PM

I agree that you're being used as a pawn to manipulate her boyfriend. I also trust your instinct that she'll never leave him.

I have a brother whose "gf" used him to manipulate her father and her boyfriend. She cheated on him when she lived in the same city, then she cheated on him while they had a long distance relationship. Five years later they got engaged, her father had her call off the wedding, and she married the other guy, whom she wanted to marry all along three months later. Left him $45,000 less between her "borrowing" $30k to pay for her Rodeo Drive shopping and another $15k for non-refundable deposits that had to do with the wedding.

The reason I'm telling you this story is to illustrate how your relationship could end and how long the duration could be if you continue this dalliance. I hope you'll stop this contact not for ethical or moral reasons, but because you don't deserve to be used and deprive you of a better relationship with someone else. Good luck.