[Vienna_]

Hi,

My boyfriend and I been in a relationship for 3 years and obviously we've experienced ups and downs.

There are times when I get bored and I feel like going out just to get out of the house. Our working hours are different so I understand he just feels like staying at home and relax. This doesn't bother me that much.

However, sometimes we make plans. He says yes. And because he usually finishes work around 5pm, I'd hang out with my friends beforehand (in the weekend). I make a promise of going home before dark - which I keep. But by the time I get home, he'd be saying stuff like "I've already taken a shower, I don't feel like it anymore." And so I get pissed, this is simply because I hate it so much whenever he changes his mind. Not just him, anyone who make plans and bail out just like that as if I won't mind...

After a while I don't talk because he pretty much ruins my mood. And then he'd be saying "well what's your plan for dinner? I haven't eaten all day. I don't mind going."

I just thought, which one is it? Do you or do you not feel like going?

I'm not trying to be a . But now he's the one who's angry at me because I get all moody.

I just don't know how to deal with this anymore. He won't say he's sorry.

[talaniman]

I know the feeling. But after a while (3 years) you already know how he will feel after you come home so should expect what he does as being typical of his behavior. I think maybe a phone call home first, may better confirm things, but some better communications could help. Not confronting in the moments of irritation, but some communicating before you make a plan.

Most thing are only as big a deal as you make them and as time goes on there are always things about our partner that bother us and challenge our ability to want to be flexible and understanding rather than changing them. Resentments are built on both sides but you have to establish between you the how to resole them and deal with what you hate about one another in the best way possible. Seems you both could be more flexible and understanding, even if the inevitable emotional airing out of grievances (fights/conflicts) pisses you both off for a while.

That doesn't mean you cannot disagree, but you can't hold a grudge after such conflicts that air and vent those feelings. Ups are great but soon forgotten when the down part happens. If the plan always yield negative results, modify, or tweak the plan, or get a better plan. No plan is perfect. Especially when you are still finding things out about each other and figuring out how to cope with the downsides of one another. Its an ongoing process as long as you are together. Keep talking and working on it.

[odinn7]

Sounds to me like he is getting annoyed that you have plans with him and you're hanging out with your friends until it gets dark...then expecting him to go out. Why not make plans and actually get home to carry them out? Why should he have to live on your terms so you can hang out with your friends when you're supposed to be doing something with him?