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LoneRanger · Mar 28, 2014, 09:39 AM

I was playing around on Facebook and added random people through an app. I met a 42 year divorced old lady who lives in the US with whom I've chatted for hours. She is a very open minded lady in every sense. I told her that I have a thing for older women for which I added her. We joked about sexual things. She had three daughters who were married. We were talking about parenthood, I told her about my problems then she said to me, "I could be your mom""I'd take u in if u could get here". After that I'm having an intense affection for her because I've never expected this from anyone before. I had seen her profile and was convinced that she really has an incredibly open minded family with intercaste marriages. I started calling her mom after that.

She is a working lady and I don't find her online for 2 days and I do have an urge just to talk to her. Though I don't want to seem desperate. I want this friendship to last longer. After all, she is a matured one, I'm 20, I'm might not be so important ,but need some cues here. I want to understand her so she could be more intimate.

I fear that I might not meet someone like her in future, so this is really important to me. I don't want to lose her.

smoothy · Mar 28, 2014, 10:01 AM

Find someone your own age... in your own town to be friends with. IF you HAVE to find one in another country because you can't find one in your own town... you do come across as desperate.

Particularly the way you talk about it.

Online friends are fine to have....but its not a substitute for having some that are local.

talaniman · Mar 28, 2014, 10:20 AM

You can be friends and it would be healthy if you would stop worrying about losing her. Friends come and go through our lives and some come back. She has a family and a life to tend to so don't make this about your being to attached in an unhealthy way, with this distant online buddy.

Best learn to cope with those intense feelings you have my friend in positive ways and keep it real. I know it's a good distraction from the things going on in your personal life right now, but don't lose sight of what's important and make this a feel good about just you, because when its just about your feelings you fail to honestly care about the feelings of others. That's not a very good friend to anyone not even yourself, nor is it healthy.

Keep it real, NOT desperate. Have many friends and activities in your life as you build a healthy life for yourself. It's not going to happen overnight or without some work on your part.

odinn7 · Mar 28, 2014, 10:45 AM

I agree with smoothy and Tal but I also want to add: She said she could be your mother....she was telling you that she is old enough to be your mother and isn't interested. Time to let go and act a little more mature.

LoneRanger · Mar 28, 2014, 10:47 AM

because when its just about your feelings you fail to honestly care about the feelings of others. That's not a very good friend to anyone not even yourself, nor is it healthy

Not sure what you meant here.Though I agree this is not healthy

LoneRanger · Mar 28, 2014, 10:51 AM

Originally Posted by odinn7

I agree with smoothy and Tal but I also want to add: She said she could be your mother....she was telling you that she is old enough to be your mother and isn't interested. Time to let go and act a little more mature.

No,you misunderstood.We had long chats about what kind of mother would she be to me & what privileges I would get.Sorry.

talaniman · Mar 28, 2014, 10:54 AM

Let me explain, you are getting all needy and hyped up because she had other things going on to be online, and could not be there for you.

She obviously has a busy full life with kids, and grandkids, and whatever else she has going on. You depend on this new online buddy far too much. You need a life.

smoothy · Mar 28, 2014, 11:00 AM

Originally Posted by LoneRanger

No,you misunderstood.We had long chats about what kind of mother would she be to me & what privileges I would get.Sorry.

Its what we call an escape... she was pretending... and obviously you took at as actually being serious.

THough obviously she's not being very smart about it doing it on facebook.

NeedKarma · Mar 28, 2014, 11:01 AM

What app did you use to add friends? They have to accept your request.

Cat1864 · Mar 28, 2014, 12:18 PM

Originally Posted by LoneRanger

I was playing around on Facebook and added random people through an app. I met a 42 year divorced old lady who lives in the US with whom I've chatted for hours. She is a very open minded lady in every sense. I told her that I have a thing for older women for which I added her. We joked about sexual things. She had three daughters who were married. We were talking about parenthood, I told her about my problems then she said to me, "I could be your mom""I'd take u in if u could get here". After that I'm having an intense affection for her because I've never expected this from anyone before. I had seen her profile and was convinced that she really has an incredibly open minded family with intercaste marriages. I started calling her mom after that.

She is a working lady and I don't find her online for 2 days and I do have an urge just to talk to her. Though I don't want to seem desperate. I want this friendship to last longer. After all, she is a matured one, I'm 20, I'm might not be so important ,but need some cues here. I want to understand her so she could be more intimate.

I fear that I might not meet someone like her in future, so this is really important to me. I don't want to lose her.

I have read this several times and am confused about whether you are looking for a friend, a romance or a mother-figure.

I think you are going back and forth between romance and mother-figure. That is extremely unhealthy.

I understand from your other thread that you have self-esteem issues and you need to work on them. Do not make her into a crutch for your self-confidence. You need to do things that help you feel better about yourself.

If she is your friend, she will be there with friendly support while you work on yourself.

LoneRanger · Mar 28, 2014, 10:43 PM

Thank you all for your helpful replies.Maybe I'm taking it too seriously.Now I'm having a problem thinking how to end this like giving her a goodbye note to keep a good impression on her.Any suggestions what I should say to her?

Fr_Chuck · Mar 29, 2014, 03:44 AM

Tell her, that you value her friendship and hope to keep in touch, and then just go away.

talaniman · Mar 29, 2014, 08:10 AM

What are you a drama queen? Say nothing! Why does a simple change of focus have to be so formal? That's what makes it such a big deal and it doesn't have to be. Examine instead your NEED to say anything (Why is this a must do? Its NOT). Me I let it go, and just refocus on other things that are more important.