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smoothy · Mar 25, 2014, 01:57 PM

Listen... if he actually did this to you... then your mother NEEDS to know because you have a younger sister that's still going to be at home long after you are gone...there is touching...and then there is touching (as in the inappropriate type)..if you see the differences between them, or are you hesitant to tell her because maybe that's not the whole truth?

Noone2014 · Mar 25, 2014, 02:55 PM

Originally Posted by smoothy

Listen... if he actually did this to you... then your mother NEEDS to know because you have a younger sister that's still going to be at home long after you are gone...there is touching...and then there is touching (as in the inappropriate type)..if you see the differences between them, or are you hesitant to tell her because maybe that's not the whole truth?

I see the reaction I get just from writing a little bit of what he done to me and believe me what he did was more than just touching I just didn't want to put it all out there. I get you don't know me I didn't ask you to believe me just for a bit of advise. I hear what your saying about my sister and I never really thought about when I'm gone

Wondergirl · Mar 25, 2014, 03:08 PM

When (not if) you tell her, she will ask him about it. He will have his own story to tell. Is that part of your concern?

I agree with smoothy about protecting your sister, especially for when you aren't at home, now AND later.

Noone2014 · Mar 25, 2014, 03:33 PM

Originally Posted by Wondergirl

When (not if) you tell her, she will ask him about it. He will have his own story to tell. Is that part of your concern?

I agree with smoothy about protecting your sister, especially for when you aren't at home, now AND later.

I don't care what he says, I don't care what people think of me I never have, I care about my family. When dad left it was just us and me and my sister tried hard to get mum to be happy to be the way she was when dad was with us. You don't understand how hard it was to see her like that and not be able to do anything about it. Now she is happy and because of me being selfish and not going with them and me being stupid and drinking with friends and not being strong enough this happened. Then I thought I could be strong enough to not say anything but I couldn't if I didn't speak to him then she would know something was wrong so I decided to not speak to anyone to let her be happy she deserves to be. But I don't want anything to happen to my sister and I never thought about when I leave. But I'm not going anywhere for a while

Noone2014 · Mar 25, 2014, 03:35 PM

I will tell her for my sister

Wondergirl · Mar 25, 2014, 03:52 PM

Originally Posted by Noone2014

I will tell her for my sister

Please let us know how it goes. We're on your side (and some us have been in your shoes).

smoothy · Mar 25, 2014, 05:27 PM

Originally Posted by Noone2014

I see the reaction I get just from writing a little bit of what he done to me and believe me what he did was more than just touching I just didn't want to put it all out there. I get you don't know me I didn't ask you to believe me just for a bit of advise. I hear what your saying about my sister and I never really thought about when I'm gone

That's EXACTLY why you should be talking to your mom... if he did it... she really NEEDS to know about it. People that do it...do it more than once. Meaning you probably were not the first...and are unlikely to be the last. If nothing gets said...nothing will stop. See the point I'm getting at?

Not trying to be mean..., but sometimes being blunt will really get someones attention. I'm trying to get you to see this the way you should....and do what you should do...which is talk to your mom to start with. And I'm not questioning your honesty...if this happened, the police should be the next people that are talked to after your mom, and by that I mean not long at all....meaning within the hour....not within the week or within the month.

Its going to get ugly...that's why I was saying make sure it really did happen...but if you care about your sister, you will do it....and think about how your mom would feel if it happened to both of her daughters....because you said nothing? One is bad enough...both is much worse.

Noone2014 · Mar 26, 2014, 03:46 AM

I spoke to my mum, I told her about what happened. She cried a lot but didn't say anything I told her I was really sorry I didn't want it to happen she just cried I made her cry. I had to get up and leave her I could sit there and watch her cry its all my fault I shouldn't have told her. She's in her room on the phone now, I feel sick I want to throw up I don't know what to do she was so happy when I said I wanted to talk to her but when I told her god I'll never be able to get that look on her face out of my head. I just want to fade away right now

smoothy · Mar 26, 2014, 04:49 AM

You did the right thing... she didn't know what happened. I said it would be upsetting, but would you rather have done this... or remained quiet... knowing your sister would be next when she was old enough to get his attention.

These types all have a preffered age range and it isn't the same for all of them... you are in his... your sister isn't yet. Think of the future pain you are saving your sister from, and the future pain you are saving your mother from if it had continued. That is an act that shows maturity by thinking of the well being of others before your own comfort.

I'm proud you found the courage to do it.

This will get easier after the initial shock wears off...

Cat1864 · Mar 26, 2014, 04:59 AM

Remember earlier that I said it is not your job to protect her, it is her job to protect you? She will be upset because she probably feels like she brought a threat to her children's safety and well-being into the home. More than likely she already felt like things weren't 'right' in the house and now she knows why. Give her time to get over the shock and figure out how to deal with the situation.

As much as it hurts, you did the right thing. Be ready to talk to her. Do not shut her out again or decide to be the martyr and take back what you told her. Be ready to talk to a counselor and/or the police. I know that isn't where you want this to go, but that is where it might lead.

As for feeling guilty for staying home and drinking and putting yourself in that position, let it go. More than likely he was looking for an opportunity to get you alone. Until then you may not have realized his behavior wasn't innocent shows of paternal-type affection. Men who are attracted to young teens tend to be very good at hiding their interest until they act on it.

If you give us a general location (country/state/territory), we may be able to help you find support to help you and your family get through this.

As a mother, I am very proud of you.

One more thing if you will accept it: A big virtual hug. {{{{{Noon}}}}}

Homegirl 50 · Mar 26, 2014, 07:22 AM

What you did was vey brave and I'm sure she is upset and sad. I'm also sure she is glad you told her. No woman wants to be involved with a man who would do something like that. This is not your burden to carry. Your safety and wellbeing is her concern not the other way around. Once all of this soaks in, she will get through it. You both may need to talk to someone one, but at least you are no longer carrying this.
I'm proud of you and your bravery. You did the right thing.

Wondergirl · Mar 26, 2014, 08:07 AM

I'm with smoothy and Cat and Homegirl -- am so glad you had the courage to talk to your mom and tell her! Now, get back into the family by helping out around the house whenever you can, playing trivia games with your sister or reading to her (or letting her read to you) and just spending time with her, and giving your mom (and sis) a hug now and then. How does that sound?

Homegirl 50 · Mar 26, 2014, 08:11 AM

I'm with Wondergirl. Get back into the family now. It will be a big help to your mom and sister. It will also make you feel better.

Noone2014 · Mar 26, 2014, 08:33 AM

Originally Posted by Wondergirl

I'm with smoothy and Cat and Homegirl -- am so glad you had the courage to talk to your mom and tell her! Now, get back into the family by helping out around the house whenever you can, playing trivia games with your sister or reading to her (or letting her read to you) and just spending time with her, and giving your mom (and sis) a hug now and then. How does that sound?

I don't know it sounds good I do miss playing with my sister. I'm just not sure how to do that it's been so long how do I just act normal towards them.I'm really don't know how to feel at the moment you all say I did the right thing it just doesn't feel like I have, I know I had to tell mum for my sister. I'm scared she hasn't spoken to me yet but I haven't been near her either maybe I'm being paranoid I'm so tired I always wake up in the night I try to go back to sleep but I cant. I don't really want to be here I wish it would all go away.

Cat1864 · Mar 26, 2014, 08:45 AM

Originally Posted by Noone2014

I don't know it sounds good I do miss playing with my sister. I'm just not sure how to do that it's been so long how do I just act normal towards them.I'm really don't know how to feel at the moment you all say I did the right thing it just doesn't feel like I have, I know I had to tell mum for my sister. I'm scared she hasn't spoken to me yet but I haven't been near her either maybe I'm being paranoid I'm so tired I always wake up in the night I try to go back to sleep but I cant. I don't really want to be here I wish it would all go away.

Noon, you may have noticed that I dropped the 'e' off the end of 'Noone'. Let me explain why. 'Noone' is very close to 'No one'. You aren't 'no one'. You are a bright and beautiful young woman who reminds more of 'Noon'. A time when the sun is high and shadows retreat.

You have an inner strength that shines through. Hold on to it. Things may be rough, but you will make it through this.

Homegirl 50 · Mar 26, 2014, 09:09 AM

It will take time for things to get back to normal but they will. Just talk to your sister a little bit more everyday. I'm sure she will be happy about that. Do the same with your mom. We will be here if you need to talk.

Wondergirl · Mar 26, 2014, 09:49 AM

Originally Posted by Noone2014

I don't know it sounds good I do miss playing with my sister. I'm just not sure how to do that it's been so long

I too was 15 when my little sister (my only sister) was 7. She was a very girly girl and like to play dress up and pretend she was a princess or a mom (with her dolls being her children) or a teacher (with her stuffed animals and dolls being her students). I remember playing school with her. She'd be the teacher and I would be the "students," using different voices as I pretended I was the teddy bear student or the Barbie student or the camel student. We had a small chalkboard that she would write on to teach us the alphabet and nouns/verbs/adjectives -- whatever she was learning in school herself. She would ask questions after she read us a story.

I taught her games like "Rock, Paper, Scissors," and we played War and Memory with a deck of playing cards. I would put evenly-spaced dots on a sheet of paper, and we took turns connecting them to eventually make squares, like this -- Dots and Boxes - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia. And ask HER what she would like to do -- even playing catch outdoors or identifying trees (maybe using a library book as a guide). And just do some storytelling -- "Once there was a beautiful princess named ....... who lived in ........" and so on (use lots of body language and appropriate facial expressions), letting your sister fill in the details as you tell the made-up story.

Noone2014 · Mar 26, 2014, 10:09 AM

Originally Posted by Wondergirl

I too was 15 when my little sister (my only sister) was 7. She was a very girly girl and like to play dress up and pretend she was a princess or a mom (with her dolls being her children) or a teacher (with her stuffed animals and dolls being her students). I remember playing school with her. She'd be the teacher and I would be the "students," using different voices as I pretended I was the teddy bear student or the Barbie student or the camel student. We had a small chalkboard that she would write on to teach us the alphabet and nouns/verbs/adjectives -- whatever she was learning in school herself. She would ask questions after she read us a story.

I taught her games like "Rock, Paper, Scissors," and we played War and Memory with a deck of playing cards. I would put evenly-spaced dots on a sheet of paper, and we took turns connecting them to eventually make squares, like this -- Dots and Boxes - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia. And ask HER what she would like to do -- even playing catch outdoors or identifying trees (maybe using a library book as a guide). And just do some storytelling -- "Once there was a beautiful princess named ....... who lived in ........" and so on (use lots of body language and appropriate facial expressions), letting your sister fill in the details as you tell the made-up story.

Thanks for the advice it makes me happy to read how you played with your sister reminds me of when I play with mine :) I haven't really thought about all the things I was missing. I'm so selfish I can't even imagine how my poor sister has been feeling all this time I've just completely ignored her I feel terrible how could I of done that to her. I hope she will want to have something to do with me still. I have been really selfish now I think about it completely ignoring everyone, how could I ever of thought it was the right thing to do its so hard to try and not hurt everyone around me.

Wondergirl · Mar 26, 2014, 10:17 AM

Originally Posted by Noone2014

I have been really selfish now I think about it completely ignoring everyone, how could I ever of thought it was the right thing to do its so hard to try and not hurt everyone around me.

Okay. That's the last time you are going to say that. Bashing yourself doesn't do anyone any good, least of all yourself. Now it's onward and upward from here on. Let's be positive.

I bet your sister would love to do some of those things I did with my sister. Try one of them today and let us know how it worked out. I'm guessing your sister will be thrilled that you are willing to spend some time with her. And your mom will be happy to see her two daughters playing and laughing together.

Noone2014 · Mar 26, 2014, 10:43 AM

Originally Posted by Wondergirl

Okay. That's the last time you are going to say that. Bashing yourself doesn't do anyone any good, least of all yourself. Now it's onward and upward from here on. Let's be positive.

I bet your sister would love to do some of those things I did with my sister. Try one of them today and let us know how it worked out. I'm guessing your sister will be thrilled that you are willing to spend some time with her. And your mom will be happy to see her two daughters playing and laughing together.

It's a bit hard to think positive at the moment it would be a bit more easier if I know how mum feels or if she talked to me. But I will block everything out and conscentate on being a good big sister I can do that.