[Mittenmusician]

Since I have nowhere else to turn on this topic, here I am.

Lets get the back story out in the open...

6 months ago I was with a friend and her new boyfriend at the time, they seemed so happy and I must admit I was a but jealous by it. I had asked where/how they met. They told me of some app for dating and I should give it a try, so while talking to them I did so.Cruising the app for a few days not finding anything I seemed too intrigued by I came across a girl who not only stopped me dead in my tracks from sheer beauty, but also had written a profile of herself so well that I had to say hi. I was just about to send my message when I got a call, took it, when back to hit send, and the message, profile, and girl were gone forever. Frustrated, I knew it must have been too good to be true anyway. But I couldn't help but think about this girl still. A few weeks later she just so happened to come into my work and apply for a job.I thought to myself "well alright then! Looks like ill be a firm believer in god now!" Introduced myself and carried on with work. She got the job.

A few weeks into it I started to flirt with her, she flirted back. Invited me out to watch a movie and food. I asked to see her the next day, things got pretty hot and heavy the next day, we slept together. Feeling on top of the world I thought I had it locked down. A fellow coworker got jealous apparently and confronted her about the two of us, she and I both denied it (not to cause drama at work) I felt however, that I was being too available and I should back off a bit. So a few weekends passed where we didn't call or hangout. Then I tried to get her out but she was busy, then we did more flirting at work, asked her out again and she said she had school to study for. Then after the third shot of trying to get her out she said she was starting to see someone.

Now, months later, I never gave up, if I want something, I go for it. And damnit I've tried. I know she's attracted to me still, she still is very flirty at work and lets me be physical with her, even holds my hand sometimes when I'm standing by her. The other day I decided eff it, I'm going for it. I came from behind her and put my hands on her hips, she tilted her head and I kissed her neck, she told me "i cant, i cant" I replied with "i know, but if you could, you would" she then said "exactly, and thats the problem" clarifying to me that she still has interest.
Now, I'm not typically a "home wrecker" but I've never wanted anything in life more than this girl. I've been on countless dates trying to free my mind from her but I cant, I've taken hobbies to the next level of focus but still the thought of her invades my mind constantly. Working together doesn't make it much easier either and there is no way either of us are going to leave our job any time soon.

Today, I took her high interest and went for the kiss again, almost got it before I pulled away, trying to respect her relationship and make myself seem like something to chase. That just ended up in a lot of touching and escalation when she then told me " the other day, when you kissed my neck, I went home really upset" I told her I surely am not the cause for you to be upset for that, if anything it felt good, she replied with "it made me upset because I went to dinner that night (with her boyfriend) and had to rethink the decision I had made the last few months (dating him)". Yet, she went home tonight, to his place, not mine.

I'm confused as to what I should do here, all I know is that I want this girl back, bad!

Ps, sorry for the novel up there, just figured all details are helpful

[talaniman]

Can't leave her alone can you? That's okay, the girl you steal from another can be just as easily stolen from you by another. Then your workplace is hell.

Go ahead learn the lesson the hard way.

[Mittenmusician]

So no further advice here?
Believe me, I've considered that outcome. I was pleased by her saying she couldn't and being (somewhat) loyal to her current relationship. Like I said before, this isn't something id ever normally do. I suppose I feel like it was stolen from me when I wasn't paying attention like I should have, so I'm just trying to get it back... if that even makes sense or maybe I'm just blind here.

[talaniman]

Others will come along in time my friend, but I think you should considered that yes indeed you are blind to your own lust.

[Mittenmusician]

Is it not possible that I played the distance card for too long and she thought I was not interested and moved on to another she had been talking to? And now that I've shown how much interest I have and That she still has feelings for me but in this relatively new relationship she doesn't quite know what to do to make the decision to stay or go? They haven't been together that long.
I know morally that "stealing her" is wrong. That's why I'm here, because that's what I want to do, or do I wait it out?


i appreciate your reply. I think i just needed others to help guide me, its hard to convince yourself that you need to let it go when your also the one so hellbent on making it happen

[Alty]

The other day I went shopping. There was a jacket I just had to have, but I couldn't afford it. You know what stopped me from just taking what I wanted? Morals. That jacket isn't mine to take. This girl isn't yours to take.

She may still be attracted to you, but she has a boyfriend. If she really wanted to be with you, and not him, she'd dump him and come to you.

You're not first choice. She's in a relationship, and she obviously cares enough about this guy not to cheat with you. So read up on morals, and what they mean. If she wants you, she'll come to you. She isn't doing that, so that's your answer.

Just because you want something doesn't mean you have the right to take it.

[Fr_Chuck]

Distance game. You see this as a game? There is no distance game, there is no contact to help someone forget and move on.

So yes you screwed it up. And now you back off, since she found someone else.

Next if you both single and dating, why lie and deny it? That is not real romance.
Did you discuss with her about backing away a bit?

[Mittenmusician]

No, I've tried to back off and let it go but she will still start the physical contact or flirting at times, I'm trying to figure out how to word it without making the workplace awkward and still leave the door open for the future. Any suggestions?

[smoothy]

YOU don't love her... you just have the hots for her... they aren't the same thing.

Anyway... she's with someone else... so what you do is forget about her and move on. Just avoid her completely, and don't allow yourself to get in the situation where she can get near you... and you simply stay away from her as well.

Or are you a glutton for punishment? Do you think if you ever actually start dating her... she's not going to do the same thing with another guy? Well, she would, because she is who she is and she would do exactly that to you.

THere is a term for guys like that... Cuckold.

[talaniman]

Don't worry guy. Just keep playing her game, and you may get your chance in the future, when she is done with the guy she has. You have made her the priority, while you are an option, and given her full control over your dignity, and self respect. You must wait patiently for your turn, and be happy for what she gives you which is enough to keep you hoping.

Like I say you will learn your lesson the hard way.

[Homegirl 50]

Leave her alone. If she wanted to be with only you she would be with only you. Although it seems she does not mind playing with you a bit. You are a toy.
Get some dignity and leave her alone. She's got you Pu**y -whipped.