[lilflower1999]

So I'm 15 years old, and I know everyone's going to respond oh you don't know what love is, that I just think I'm in love with him and want attention but I assure you that is not the case, I've had to grow up mentally a lot faster than most other kids which is why I believe I am mature and I do know what I'm talking about. So me and this guy were talking on and off for about a year when we finally decided to start meeting up, we met up a few times over the next couple of months but it wasn't long until my parents found out. When my mum found out she told him not to speak to me again, it's been just over 3 months now and we started talking again and the other night we met up again, I know people will say he's just using me but he knows the consequences that could come from this but still he took that risk, we ended up just pouring out our feelings to one another, we both cried, and told each other that we were in love with one another. As much as I don't want to deceive or lie to my mum I don't know what to do because he truly does make me happier than I've been in a long time ( I have depression) I need advice, someone help me :(

[smoothy]

Trust us..,. it IS the case. No 15 year old is mature enough to know what love is... they don't have the life experience, what it is is hormones driving it and its too new to you to understand and see the difference. . And any 19 year old that can't get a woman his own age and maturity level and instad wants to fool around with a girl... has major issues of their own. Depending on where this is... if he touches you sexually... he can and should go to jail for a very long time. He would also be registered as a sex offender for life. Because at 15 you can not give concent..and that makes it statutory rape.

It might seem like only four years differnce in age... but it's a HUGE difference in maturity levels.

[Homegirl 50]

This 19 year old has no business with you. You are in High Scholl and I'm assuming he's not. There is a difference in maturity and outlook in a 19 year old vs. a 15 year old.
If he cares so much for you he will leave you alone. Encouraging you to go against your parents wishes can get him in a world of trouble.
You maybe a bit mature for your age but no way are you in love and are ready for a relationship with a 19 year old.

[ScottGem]

The very fact that you make the statements "I've had to grow up mentally a lot faster than most other kids which is why I believe I am mature and I do know what I'm talking about." tells us you do not know you are talking about. Because if you were truly mature, you would understand that at 15 you just do not have the experience to understand what love is.

And please don't think I'm trying to minimize what you feel for him. I do believe that you feel strongly about him. You admit you suffer from depression. That makes you vulnerable to someone who knows how to play that.

You say he makes you happier. How does he do that? What does he do that makes you feel happy with him?

But yes it IS wrong for a 15 yr old to be with a 19 yr old. While 4 years is not a lot when both are adults, it's a huge gap at your ages. You both are a really different stages of development.

There are two possibilities here. One that he plans on exploiting you or two, that he is too immature to be with people his own age. In either case, you should not be with him. Your mum was being protective and smart by forbidding the relationship. The fact that he contacted you again (or allowed contact) doesn't mean that he is willing to risk the consequences, but more that he is too arrogant (or stupid) to think he'll get caught.

You asked for advice, but you aren't going to like the advice you will get here. And that is to back off and stay away from him until you are 18. At that point, if you still feel like you want a relationship and you are truly in love, then you can get together.

[Cat1864]

Obviously he doesn't know the consequences and neither do you. I do not want to seem harsh but you need to understand that he could be in serious trouble for being in contact with you against your mother's wishes. Going behind her back and breaking her rules is an extremely unwise move to make.

Understand that some places have laws such as contributing to the delinquency of a minor and interfering with parental rights. On top of that, some places consider an adult kissing or touching (with passion or an attempt to arouse) a minor to be acts for which a minor cannot give consent. It can be subjective, but if your mother is angry enough she can make his life very miserable.

You are breaking her trust in you, disobeying and proving that he is a bad influence on you. He is an adult and should know better.

I understand you believe you are in love with him and he makes you happy. However, sometimes love isn't enough. Timing can be off. You need to leave each other alone until you are older or your mother consents.

Show her that you can be mature enough to accept her decision. Be on your best behavior, do well in your classes, help around the house without being asked, in general show her that he has been a good influence on you. Do not use Depression and the 'he makes me happy' argument as an excuse. Show her that you can be trusted. It will take time (weeks or months) but maybe she will reconsider.

If you get caught sneaking around or talking to him without permission, then her fears will be confirmed.


Now for my personal opinion. I do think there is too great an age difference between 15 and 19. Not only in mindset but in what they can legally do and places they can go. A 19 year old does not have to gain permission from his/her parents to go out. They usually do not have to ask for a ride from parents. In places with curfews they are not affected. They can go to movies restricted to 17 year and up. Friendships can become strained. It can be okay for a while but the restrictions on the 15 year old start to wear down the 'love'.

You have an added issue, Depression. He makes you happy for right now. What happens when he doesn't or can't? He cannot be the only person you turn to for support and help. Relying on him would make you insecure and clinging. You need to have a broader support network. Get help in other ways so that you can be a strong and healthy partner in any relationship.

Listen to your mother. Get help and work on finding other ways to manage your Depression.

[talaniman]

The only issue you should consider is your parents stance on you being with him. Sure he took risks to see you, and you helped by doing it behind your parents back, and against their expressed instruction. That could be a jail sentence.

If your feelings over rule the common sense aspect of this situation that's just proof of a lack of maturity knowing the consequences of your actions. It's also further proof of the lack of dealing with your own feelings in a mature way. Which makes you just another dumb teen ager who is led down a path of intense feelings despite the clear warnings given by your parents who are responsible for all the consequences of your actions as a 15 year old.

They have given HIM clear instruction also, so why would your ""LOVE" help put him in JAIL? That's NOT love or mature action by either of you is it? Maybe your way of handling your depression blinds you to the real danger of continuing to see him, but that's just another example of you not being mature as you believe.

You better start paying attention to FACTS, instead of your FEELINGS. Now that would be a sign of maturity.

If you REALLY loved him, you would PROTECT this silly fool from himself, jail, and your parents... and your own immaturity!! At least for the next 3 years.

[lilflower1999]

I knew I wouldn't like the response I got on here but I guess I did need others opinions. As for my mother not giving her concent that's not entirely the case, like all parents would be she was angry and confused, I've spoken to my mum about this and I will not deceive her, as much as I would like to I know I can't. She's told me she needs time to get her head around it, but she understands my situation because she's been in it, although she didn't end up spending the rest of her life with this guy he's pretty much where I came from, they were so happy together and I know she wants the same for me (my dad died when I was a young(er) girl) I know my mum will come around, I just wanted other peoples opinions so I know what to expect of others reactions if we do end up getting together

[smoothy]

She's angry but not confused... she knows guys like that as do the rest of us. THats why she's angry.....if you was my daughter...he would be...or should be in fear of his life.

You are the one confused here and not thinking... or just don't want to see that any 19 year old guy that preys on 15 year olds... has a predisposition to do this with OTHER kids as well... and in time he probibly will after you mature and are no longer an impressionable kid.

[talaniman]

She isn't confused, she is GOING to protect her 15 year old child. Any adult will be very negative about a young teen being with a grown man, except other young teens, probably a small number, and rightfully so.

Glad you decided to talk to her instead of defy her... AGAIN(?).

[lilflower1999]

When me and him started seeing each other, he didn't know my age there fore he was hardly preying on a younger girl. As much as my mum didn't like this even she's admitted that he is a really nice guy and she's been told that by plenty of people I know I sound stupid and immature sticking up for him but I really don't think anyone would get it unless they've been in my situation

[Homegirl 50]

I have been in your situation and looking back, a 19 year old has no business being interested in you. He is too old for you. There is no way I would allow my 15 year old daughter to date a guy that age. That is too much of a difference. What does he do? Is he in College, does he work?

[ScottGem]

Ok so you lied to him about your age? As soon as he found out you are jail bait he should have stopped it.

[lilflower1999]

He's in college and I'm in my last year of high school. I didn't lie about my age I just simply didn't tell him. Our 'relationship' 'friendship' whatever you want to call it is in no way about sex and I know that's what everyone assumes from a nineteen year old guy , either way what anyone says is not going to affect my feelings towards him :(

[ScottGem]

You are a high school senior at 15? How did you meet?

No one is expecting to change your feelings towards him. But you need to understand those feelings may not be real and that you need to wait to make sure they are.

[smoothy]

I'd like ot know how that happens too... a senior at 15? 17 I can see, not 15.

[Fr_Chuck]

And a 19 year old boy in college, sorry, but of course he is going to think about sex. You think he will admit it, of course not, but that is where their mind is at.

And yes I have trouble with the 15 year old senior, my son, has skipped 2 grades, and will start his senior year at 16 and turn 17 before he graduates, but even his case is rare.

[Homegirl 50]

A 19 year old college student is certainly thinking about sex. Where did you two meet? I can't imagine a 18/19 year old not knowing he's talking to a 14/15 year old.

[lilflower1999]

I live in England, most students start college at 16. We met at a party just over two years ago which was when we became friends. To be fair most people wouldn't expect that I'm 15 as I've always had older friends. Obviously I know all 19 year olds do think about sex a lot but I don't see why that's a problem if I'm ready too?

[talaniman]

Have you and your mom discussed birth control? Have you and mom done anything for getting pregnant or a disease? If not, then you aren't ready.

[J_9]

I know all 19 year olds do think about sex a lot but I don't see why that's a problem if I'm ready too?

So you admit to being ready to be a mother? How are you going to afford a baby?