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mommy082007 · Feb 24, 2014, 12:07 PM

I have a 6 year old daughter and her sperm donor is in prison for sleeping with a child 12-15 and sexy with a 16-17 year old... He has history of mental health issues.. He is looking to get out in two years and will be coming to look for her.. She does not know him at all... The man I have been with for the last 7 years is the only man she knows as daddy...

My question is... Is there anything I can do to keep him away from her?

Synnen · Feb 24, 2014, 12:37 PM

First, unless you went to a sperm bank and got donated sperm, he's not a sperm donor. He's your ex. YOU slept with him, and half of your daughter comes from him--making him to be bad makes HER half bad. Live with your choices, please.

Second, what you can do is get a lawyer and see what your state requires for adoption proceedings. Most states (but not all) require that you be married at least a year and get the permission of the biological father in order to have a step-father adopt, but you will have to check with a lawyer to see what your options are regarding having his rights severed against his will. In order to do that, though, you generally HAVE to have someone ready to adopt the child and take over those legal and financial responsibilities for the child.

talaniman · Feb 24, 2014, 12:45 PM

You have two years to get a lawyer and have his rights severed, or get a restraining order.

ScottGem · Feb 24, 2014, 12:46 PM

First, a sperm donor is a male who donates his sperm to a sperm bank to help infertile women become pregnant. If this man is, indeed a sperm donor, then the agreement with the sperm bank would preclude him having any rights to any offspring from his donation. So you would have no worries. So I suspect this man was not a sperm donor, but someone you willingly slept with In which case, please don't demean sperm donors by referring to him as such.

Second, You don't say whether there has been any court orders on custody. If there hasn't then you need to get yourself to a court and petition for sole legal and physical custody of your daughter. And ask that no visitation be granted the father. Given his record, I don't think that will be a problem. You might even be able to get his rights terminated based on his crimes. Another possibility, is if you are married to the man who knows her as daddy, then he may be able to adopt her. Even if the bio father refuses to agree (this is rare, but based on his crimes, it may be possible in your case). However, many areas require that a couple be married to allow a partner adoption (note any question on law should include your general locale as laws vary by area).

My advice to you is to consult a local family law attorney. They can advise you on your best course of action.

To recap, I see three possibilities listed in the order of preference:
1) the man she knows as daddy adopts her
2) you get the bio father's rights terminated (note an adoption automatically terminates his rights)
3) you get a court to award you sole legal and physical custody with no visitation.

There is a 4th possibility similar to 3) but with supervised visitation. But given his record I doubt if that will happen.

stinawords · Feb 24, 2014, 01:02 PM

So if you used a sperm donor what are you worried about? How did he even find out about you and how do you know him? Is that why you are worried? I'm going to go out on a legal limb and say you in fact didn't use a sperm bank and in fact are just feeling like you could have made better choices but don't want to take any blame. If that is the case then you have two years to get into court. Have you even gone to court to establish custody? Is the father on the birth certificate? Does the man you have been with longer than the child has been alive want to adopt?

It was mentioned above that most states require at least one year of marriage before adoption is possible (for good solid reasons). If you are in one of these states you have plenty of time to get married hire an attorney and get a court date for adoption.

Fr_Chuck · Feb 25, 2014, 12:23 AM

We are picking on the wording, since he was not a sperm donor but someone you dated, chose to sleep with and made choice to have child with.

You will have to file for custody, ( assume you already have) ask that his rights be taken away because he is a danger to the child. ** with that said, he could still perhaps get a supervised visits and taking away his rights even with those crimes may not happen.

But it will take an attorney and going to court to try.