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grammadidi · Apr 3, 2007, 06:53 PM

Hiya, RQ... Maybe you don't need to cheer her up. She may just need to cry. If you are going to be with her and she is crying, just go over and put your arms around her and say nothing for awhile. Then say, "I love you."

That should help a lot.

How is the baby? Is he feeling better? How is school going? Are you able to concentrate a bit better now?

Love, Didi

robertsqueen · Apr 3, 2007, 06:58 PM

The baby is a handful and mr. independent. He is good though. He had bronchitis last week. School is good I got a 110 out of 100 on a huge project and presentation. I am working on concentrating. How are you doing? How are your grandchildren?

grammadidi · Apr 3, 2007, 07:21 PM

Oh, sweetie, that is so good about your project and presentation! :) That will help for that one low mark you had. I'm glad Bay is feeling better now and better full of piss and vinegar than not! Heh heh.

My grandkids are doing well. The youngest (who has non-verbal learning disabilities) took his mom to school today to make pysanky (Ukrainian Easter Eggs). They had a lot of fun and I think my daughter is going to have all four kids make some as Christmas gifts. Here is a website explaining it, if you are interested: Learn Pysanky. I want to give it a try as well.

Take care, sweetie. You are always on my mind.

Hugs, Didi

robertsqueen · Apr 3, 2007, 07:37 PM

That looks and sounds like fun. What non verbal learning disablilty does he have? I had many disabilities.

grammadidi · Apr 3, 2007, 11:58 PM

Shoot!! I wrote a response in layman's terms about his disorder and deleted it by mistake! Grrrrrr... Well, to learn more check out these two sites:

Misunderstood Minds - this one explains the difficulties he has with graphomotor skills

And

NLD Online

They give a pretty good idea of what my grandson's problems are. He is a bright, happy, fun kid, though. Hope it lasts as he gets older. Our school system doesn't really offer what kids like him need after the primary years.

Didi

robertsqueen · Apr 6, 2007, 06:53 PM

Okay I am mad. My cusin who is my aunt's son is going down to Denver so that he can be with his friends on easter. His mom is dying and this may his last easter with her, but he leaves her to go to Denver to party. She is so uspst and crying and I am mad becuase he is just causing her more pain then she should endure. What should I do? What can I do to make this an easter that is special for her?

grammadidi · Apr 6, 2007, 10:48 PM

I can only give you my opinion from my experiences. I don't know the entire situation with your aunt's son, so bear with me. When my husband was ill it was very, very draining emotionally. I am sure you can identify. Now, you are your aunt's niece. I was my husband's wife, and this fellow is watching his mother die. I am not saying you love an aunt less than a spouse or a parent, but I am saying you love them differently.

Anyhow, at one point, my husband had to be hospitalized for awhile. While he was in hospital, as soon as I knew all was under control, I just took 2 days off. Now, this was less than a month before he died, and believe me when I say that I loved my husband deeper than most people can imagine. Regardless, I just had to take those 2 days and not go and see him, not think about the illness and the fact that he was dying, nothing. I ate the first real meal that I had eaten in over 4 months. I slept more than an hour or two for the first time in 5 months. I watched TV, chatted on the computer, visited a friend, read a book. I had to do it or I may not have been able to be strong enough to be there for him in the end. So, maybe your nephew just NEEDS to get away and be normal for a few days. I just don't think that anyone can judge him, because, at some point you have to do what's best for YOU.

As for your aunt... I would tell her that it is very, very hard for her son to see her so ill, and she should be glad that he is smart enough to take a break when he needs one. I also suspect that her crying may not all be related to her son going to Denver for Easter. Regardless, maybe he just needs to get away from her illness for awhile and regroup. I think it's wonderful that he is able to continue on with life. Everyone copes their own, way, and if this is his way, you will just have to accept it.

I'm sorry if this isn't the answer you want, but you just can't spend months or years waiting for someone to die. All you can do is love and live as you are able. This is the same advice we have been giving you, too. Learn as much as you can about the illness, but look after YOU first. If you don't, you won't cope after she dies.

Hugs, Didi

robertsqueen · Apr 7, 2007, 07:19 PM

I know that I need to understand that it is hard on him. I guess that I am just over protective of my aunt, I always have been. She asked us all to go to church with her tommarow. I told her that I would love to go. I am sad this easter becuase I don't know how many more easters I wil have with her...does the hurt ever go away? I hope with all my heart that you have a wonderful easter...you deserve it so much.

grammadidi · Apr 7, 2007, 09:22 PM

No, RQ, the hurt never really goes away. How could it when you love someone so much? It just... changes, I guess.

Instead of being sad that you may not have her another Easter, be happy that you are able to be with her this one. I am glad that you are going to church with her this weekend. It means a lot to her. You have just been so wonderful with her. I know it has been difficult. Did you tell her how well you did on your project and presentation? I hope so... she will be thrilled. I have a feeling she is very proud of you.

Thank you for your Easter wishes. I think you deserve a wonderful Easter as well. I will be thinking of you and your family.

Warm hugs,
Didi

robertsqueen · Apr 9, 2007, 10:24 AM

Easter was amazing. We went to chuch, and then My aunt went home and laid down cause she wasn't feeling well. After a while we went to my grandmas for lunch, then we all hung out. I love my aunt so much. Then we went to see Wild Hogs, (a great, funny movie) and my aunt laughed so hard....it was great to hear her laugh, she hasn't done it in quite a while. How was your easter?

grammadidi · Apr 9, 2007, 06:42 PM

Oh, I am so happy that you will have memories like these! Awesome! You made my day, hearing this.

My Easter was OK. I am fighting a bug, so it was pretty low key. Finances are real bad right now, so I didn't do anything special.

Love, Didi

robertsqueen · Apr 9, 2007, 06:44 PM

I am sorry that you are fighting a bug. I hope that you get better soon. I hate being sick. I hear ya on the finances, this time of the year is always hard to make ends meet. I live in a small town and work is hard to find. I hope that it all works out for you in the end. Have a terrific day and keep drinking fluids!

robertsqueen · Apr 20, 2007, 07:41 AM

So my aunts cancer is shrinkig. I AM SO EXCITED! It isn't gone, but they are going to be putting her on shorter chemo with less meds. Now I have another big thing happening. I just found out that my brother... my role model is addicted to meth, and is in debt to a drug dealer. I don't know what to think or feel. PLEASE HELP! I feel like my world is shattering around me!

grammadidi · Apr 20, 2007, 10:14 AM

That is wonderful about your aunt, RQ!! I am so happy. It's always a wonderful thing when you get to spend a bit more time with someone who goes into remission. It will be more comfortable for her, too.

As for your brother... I think you might want to start a new thread about that... but honestly... you can think or feel whatever you think or feel... but realize that it's HIS problem. Forgive me if I am confused... but you call your brother your role model?? Isn't he the one who abused you?

Sweetie... you MUST stop taking on everyone else's problems as your own. Concentrate on your husband, son and YOURSELF!! Your brother is an adult. Let him worry about himself. I know it sounds harsh, but if you keep up this way you will end up losing your marriage and maybe your sanity.

Hugs, Didi

robertsqueen · Apr 20, 2007, 11:33 AM

No that is my other brother... this brother is an amazing person. That is why I am so confused as to why he would do this.

goodhealth · Apr 21, 2007, 08:08 PM

robertsqueen, I have noticed you have not responded lately. How is your aunt? Is the cancer still shrinking? How is she doing with the chemo? I am a nursing student and have some history with cancer in the family and with friends. I have stumbed on some very exciting info this year on a product that has strong anticancer benefits. It's natural and has been featured in Anticancer Research and Journal of Immunological Biology. Scientific research has been focused on this and you can go to Entrez PubMed and type in FUCOIDAN and CANCER to see it. I would love to share more with you if it would be helpful.

robertsqueen · May 13, 2007, 10:19 PM

Okay so everything has been going well with my aunt. For mothers day the whole family bought a green house... but today was awful. She was so sick, and weak. We were going to have a dinner at the park.. but my aunt was too sick so we had it at my grandmas. Then halfway through she had to go lay down. She ended up leaving the get together crying. I really don't think that she is gettting better. The doctors says that the x rays show that she is gettng better... but she dosen't act like it. She acts sicker than ever. The cancer in her brain is not fading at all. Is this bad? I don't know what to do, and she is starting to give up hope. I try to go over there but as soon as a arrive my mom shoos me away.

grammadidi · May 15, 2007, 06:43 PM

Sweetie, she will have her good days and her bad days. I presume the x-rays the doctor's are referring to are her lung x-rays. When the cancer spreads to the brain and they aren't treating her for it, there may be little hope, hon. Remember that there is nothing more that you can really do except be strong, continue on with life the best you can, listen if she needs to talk, support her caregivers as much as possible, look after YOU, and pray that she doesn't suffer no matter what the outcome.

Your mom doesn't want you to get all caught up in your aunt's problems either, rq. She probably wants you to concentrate on your family. It may be difficult for her to accept help because she feels so powerless. I wonder if you could convince her to go out with you and Bay for a bit to get away from the situation herself?

Remember, she may seem a lot better in a few days. She could be reacting to her meds, she could just be tired, or she may be emotional, too. Not everything will be a symptom of her cancer.

How are you feeling today?

Hugs, Didi

robertsqueen · May 15, 2007, 07:43 PM

I am feeling all right today.. I am really tired. My aunts b-day is today... but she wasn't feeling good. They all went to a restaurant but she spent the whole time in the bathroom, also she fell twice yesterday. It just seems as though she is getting worse.

denali21 · May 15, 2007, 07:52 PM

Originally Posted by robertsqueen

Hello all,
My aunt was diagnosed with stage four lung cancer last Novemeber. It is already spread throughout her body. I am used to seeing her this strong person, but now she is so weak. I can't really talk to anyone else about this because they are all avoiding it. I don't think that she is getting any better and it kills me to see her like this. She is my aunt, my favorite aunt and I don't know if I am strong enough to deal with this. Also it scares me because my son who is two is really close to her, and I don't know how to explain what is going on with her to him.....he knows something is going on? Any advice?:confused:

My best friends grandma had lung cancer. All she did was try to think of memories you had with her and let the pain go away!