[Katniss257]

So when I was in third grade my parents decided to get a divorce. I was fine with it until he asked a girl out when I was in fourth grade. Recently we moved into his girlfriend's and her daughter's house. Now it's like he takes me for granted, like he doesn't realize I'm his only daughter, that I've been with him from the day I was born. Now I have a few questions.

I am 11 and in fifth grade (don't tell me I'm too young to understand these things because I DO understand them.). I get thoughts like 'the world hates me' or 'ever since he started dating that witch he hasn't ever taken my side.' And sometimes I kick myself or pinch myself. Am I getting depression? My mom is the only one who makes me feel good about myself during these situations. Should I think she is the only one who loves me (in my family)?

I just need a little bit of help. Thank you.

[Fr_Chuck]

There must be a reason your father got custody of you. You may have been too young to understand why. Women seldom not keep at least joint custody unless there are some serious problems.

And sorry, men and women have both emotional needs and sexual needs that a new husband or wife provides ( or girlfriend/boyfriend) so the fact he did not start living with her in one month is a lot better than many men.

He loves her. But in a different way, it is not a competition which you are making it. He has to give her time, and if she has a child, that child is also part of YOUR family now and you are going to have to adjust.

It sounds like you have decided to hate the girlfriend and that is most likely part of the entire problem. You are not trying to accept the living condition and want dad all to yourself.

As for mom, I will assume there is court orders, so mom would have to hire an attorney and file in court for a change of custody. She would have to show why living with her would be a larger benefit for you.

[J_9]

Actually, you ARE too young to understand. There are different kinds of love. Your father loves you as a daughter and he loves the girlfriend as a girlfriend.

You don't mention why you think he takes you for granted though.

Kicking and pinching yourself just shows your age and your lack of understanding of these situations.

[Moxiesbuddy]

Hi Katniss. You've been through a lot of changes since your parents divorced and I'm sorry life is rather confusing and frustrating for you. It's not unusual to feel like your place in the family is shifting when you've been "blended" with your Dad's girlfriend's family. Although you're not officially a stepfamily, you may feel like you have to share your Dad more. In general, moms are better with understanding emotions, but it's probably still a good idea to let your dad know how sad you're feeling and see if you can have a "date" time and do something with him alone.

What's certain is that both your parents love you and that their divorce was not your fault. When someone starts to hurt themselves, it's usually a way to express deep emotions and stress, so I'm glad you admitted that here. Be sure to share that with your mom and dad too, even it you're a little embarrassed or they act shocked. You don't need to figure this out alone, and they are in the best position to help you work through your questions.

Sometimes it's good to have other adults to share with too - other relatives, favorite teachers, a school counselor, one of your friend's moms... Just don't block out those feelings. They're important and normal. Some girls like to journal or do art projects to express what they're going through. Wish I could give you a hug. Hang in there, sweetie.