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julies49 · Feb 3, 2014, 07:23 PM

Hey,

So I am going to be graduating college in May with my degree in engineering and will be moving. I will be moving to a town where I have had pervious internship experience and where my boyfriend of 2 years lives. He is ready for me to move in as soon as I get done with college and before I start work. I do love him and want to move in with him. I have been living on my own during the school years for the past 5 years and I'm not sure I'm ready to live with him just yet. I have discussed this with him and he has made it clear if I don't want to move in with him that things will be over.

I just want some advice or stories about this.

Thanks

talaniman · Feb 3, 2014, 09:35 PM

Maybe a chance to explore your options and opportunities without him would be wise, since he seems to think its either or for you and him. That may be a big red flag that moving in isn't your best option. No hurry, do your own thing because you earned it with hard work. A fact he may not appreciate fully.

Fr_Chuck · Feb 3, 2014, 11:08 PM

Then you really do not love him, you like him and have grown use to having him as a boyfriend.

I agree, perhaps new adventure, and make him actually date you in real life first.

emmamommy · Feb 4, 2014, 01:58 AM

If you are afraid to move in - you should try. If you are not sure I mean you don't have a certain decision inside, then don't

tickle · Feb 4, 2014, 05:25 AM

@emma. Don't really understand your advice. "If you are afraid to move in, you should try". What does this mean? Are you saying if she is afraid to move in she should anyway?

Oliver2011 · Feb 4, 2014, 05:39 AM

Totally agree with Tickle. Moving in when you are not sure would be a bad mistake and one that would present some difficulties getting out of. Relationships are difficult enough. You don't need that added pressure if you are not sure it is what you want. Plus you are starting a new life in a new town with a new job after a college degree. Take some time for you.

smoothy · Feb 4, 2014, 05:52 AM

Here is a point nobody mentioned to think about...

If you move in odds are all you will end up being is a roommate with benefits. Why buy the cow if you already get the milk for free. Every guys dream...a full time booty call at arms length without any of the obligations of having a wife. And when it gets old you get to find a new one easily.

Also... you do have your doubts... some of them might be related to what I just said... and if you have any doubts... then you owe it to yourself not to do it.

And like others have said... you really do need time on your own... it lets you sort out your priorities in life... and make decisions you will never be able to make moving in with him before you have had a few years living on your own.

julies49 · Feb 4, 2014, 05:57 AM

Thanks for the advice everybody

Cat1864 · Feb 4, 2014, 06:15 AM

I think his attitude which seems to be 'live with me or I'll leave you' is a red flag. Unless there is a lot more understanding of your needs and concerns in your discussions with him than you have told us, he is showing a manipulative and controlling aspect of his character that should not be ignored. Is this normal behavior for him?

I notice that you say you do not have a job waiting for you. If he is not in the picture, will this change where you might want to live and/or open up job prospects in other places? I guess I am asking if he is the main reason or choosing that area or do you have other reasons for wanting to move there?

Wondergirl · Feb 4, 2014, 09:07 AM

I got married two days after college graduation. Looking back after 46 years of marriage to him, I now think, why the hurry? I have never lived on my own or traveled except with my family on vacations or had my own space. Don't rush things. First, become your own person with your own unique style. And if your boyfriend is giving you an ultimatum, run like the wind!