[alex94sol]

I'm a 19 year old girl and its my second year in college. So the quarter just started and my friend and I went to an apartment party. My friend got invited by this frat guy she had met in class. We didn't really know anyone there except for that guy. At the beginning of the party we met a lot of nice people (most of them were already drunk). I also met the guys who actually live in the apartment (all of them are in the same frat). Two of them were really nice but the third one (lets just call him Nick) was kind of a **** . During the party I start drinking I'm not sure how much I drank. Next thing I know I'm in bed with Nick! He is on top of me and we are kissing and he is feeling me up. I guess I must have blacked out. It was pretty scary I was so confused and then I don't know what happened next. Next thing I know my pants are to my ankles my brais off and he is eating me out. I told him to stop and he grabbed me and put me on top of him. I couldn't really move since I still had my pants down my ankles and he was trying to take off my shoes to get them off. At that point I kind of sobered more up and told him to stop because I had to pee (I lied). I don't remember what happened next or how I even got out of the room.

The next thing I remember was finding my friend and walking to the dorms. The parts of us on the bed are sort of of like flashbacks and not full memories. At the time it was like flashes of what was happening and there are a lot of missing parts. I don't remember if I said yes or no during this time. My friend said I seemed fine just a little drunk but when I came out of his room I was a lot more wasted. I'mnot sure if I drank more when I was in there. I feel horrible! And like he took advantage of me :( was it my fault?

I feel bad blaming him because even though I blacked out he didn't know I was blacked out. I had conversations I don't even remember. My friend told me we were all over each other in the kitchen. I don't remember even having a conversation with the guy :/ and the other thing is I thought he was a total **** ! Why the hell would I want to hook up with him! I feel like he took advantage of me but at the same time I feel like I deserved it and it was my fault. I don't remember but that doesn't mean that I didn't say yes to anything he did. I feel dirty and disgusting and very very embarrassed. I'm pretty sure we didn't have sex since I'm a virgin so I would have been sore. But the thing is if we did I don't remember.

The frat guy we went with told my friend that Nick was asking for a condom during the time me and him went into his room. So now I'm scared we did have sex and I just don't remember. I feel really stupid and I never want to drink to a point where I'm like that again! So the question is did he take advantage of me or was it my fault? And do you think I had sex but I just don't remember?

[smearcase]

I'll just comment on a small but possibly important part of this post.

"The frat guy we went with told my friend that Nick was asking for a condom during the time me and him went into his room. "
Did your friend know if Nick found a condom?

[Catsmine]

Many people are very sensitive to alcohol. Some grow more sensitive over time, a sort of 'reverse tolerance.' If you care to look on this as a learning experience you may wish to limit yourself to a very small amount until you learn how it affects you; like one drink for an entire evening to see how you feel after a couple of hours and after 4 hours and the next morning.

[Fr_Chuck]

When you drink and go to parties like that, I am sorry, but what do you really think is going to happen. Also, you do not know if you are still a virgin or not, He may have entered and you not be sore.

Perhaps consider not drinking and consider what type of parties you are going to.

[alex94sol]

@smearcase He said he didn't have one but he isn't sure if Nick got one from someone else. I'm 90% sure we didn't have sex because I'm pretty sure I would feel sore/different the next day.

[Jake2008]

Mistake #1- going to an apartment party and realizing it is a drunk fest, and not knowing anyone there, except one person, and, choosing to stay.

Mistake #2- drinking with people you don't know- it is possible your drink was spiked with rohypnol.

Mistake #3- getting drunk

Mistake #4- getting so drunk you don't remember what happened, or how you ended up having sex with a stranger, or whether he used protection, or perhaps has an STD

Mistake #5- lowering yourself to such a standard as to question if you were 'taken advantage of' or ending up as you did was your fault. Really? You weren't conscious enough to say no? Drunks get like that.

Mistake #5- not a lot of remorse going on here, and your solution is to just drink less?

Mistake #6- thinking that this is an unusual situation for you to have found yourself in, and you otherwise don't engage in drunken parties. I don't buy it.

Mistake #7- thinking you aren't a drunk, which I think you probably are, just like many other college kids.

In answer to your question, you probably were taken advantage of, because you were drunk. If you were sober, drinking pepsi, you likely would have become bored and went home, before anything happened.

Yes, you are at fault for many mistakes made that night, and I hope that in addition to the embarrassment and humiliation and confusion, you will think twice about drinking AT ALL.

[ScottGem]

The answer to your questions is Yes. You were taking advantage of and you are at fault.

There is a line from The Philadelphia Story where Samantha asks Mike why he didn't take advantage of her. His answer was that she was a bit the worse for the wine and there are rules about things like that. A good guy can tell if someone is too drunk and will stop.

You said at the beginning that "we met a lot of nice people (most of them were already drunk)". If they were drunk how could you tell? People who are drunk are not themselves (unless drunkenness is their natural state).

The bottom line is that you put yourself in an at risk position. You saw the way the party was going, but instead of leaving, you stayed and let yourself get out of control. So you put yourself in the position where you could get taken advantage of.

We can't tell you whether you are still a virgin or not, though it hardly matters. We hope you are pregnant or infected with an STD. Those should be your major concerns.

But if you are looking for absolution for your mistakes you aren't going to find them here. As for blaming Nick, he needs to be told that is not the way to act, though he may have been out of control himself.

But you need to take a long hard look at yourself. That you allowed yourself to get into this position means you need to take a long hard look at yourself. The fact that you drank so much that you blacked out, means you have to watch your drinking. The fact that you stayed at a party where most people were drunk means you have to examine your judgment.

[joypulv]

(I am sure ScottGem meant to say 'We hope you are NOT pregnant... ')

[ScottGem]

Whoops, yes that was what I meant. NOT pregnant or infected.

[Cat1864]

I think you need to talk to Nick. Find out what he remembers. I do not mean confront. I mean be honest about blacking out most of the night.

I also think you should see your doctor about birth control if you aren't already on it. Like Jake, I don't think this was an isolated incident. I think it was the first time something negative happened.

I think you need a better friend. He/she sees you go into a room with a guy you don't know and doesn't say something? Is it normal behavior for you to disappear into rooms at parties?

You made mistakes. He made mistakes. Did he take advantage of you? Did you take advantage of him? I am not certain anyone knows.

There is a lot in the news these days about sexual misbehavior at colleges and alcohol. Some might say he was in the wrong simply because he is male and should have known how drunk you were. But that thought process denies your responsibility in getting drunk. As has been pointed out, you bear a good bit of responsibility for your own actions.

Take that responsibility and get a check-up and sti/std testing. Even if you didn't have intercourse, you could still pass on infections and diseases. Don't drink in situations where you are nervous. It will cause you to drink more to 'settle your nerves'. Don't drink until you have sat down and taken a hard look at just how you behave when you drink. Ask friends for their opinions. Make certain you aren't missing parts of other nights.

Put away the blame. Taking responsibility is not about blaming yourself instead of him or the friend who wasn't. It is accepting what happened and that you had a part in it and learning from that experience.

[talaniman]

I find it telling that your friend didn't see it as a big deal that you were drinking and all over a guy at this party nor show concern when this fellow was asking for a condom. It's often the case when frat guys have a party that the drunken revelry degrades into bad behavior. So all involved bear some responsibility for the outcomes.

Some will learn and be smarter for it, some will keep repeating the drunken behavior. Don't beat yourself up over this, or the drunken behavior of this fellow. There is enough blame to go around. Learn your lesson and do better. I mean what do you expect when a bunch of young people get together and get drunk?