[RollTide]

A few years back, I was going through a very difficult period in my life. A relationship with my now ex (who was working in my department at the time) turned sour and I lost the respect of my fellow colleagues. In addition, considering he was of a different faith, many people from within my own community turned their backs on me. In short, I felt pretty much alone.

Within my own community, I was slandered and mocked. Every time I would try to be friends with anyone, rumors would go around that I'm a "slut" and I would quickly lose that friend. Or I would get condescending remarks thrown towards me repeatedly which hurt. It got to the point where I was incredibly cynical and didn't trust anyone. Not to mention, I got into a dispute with the president in my community due to her condescending remarks which upset me and let my anger get the best of me towards her... which made my reputation worse.

However, there were two girls specifically who were compassionate and sympathetic towards me; however, my pride got in the way of the friendship and as a result, we are no longer friends. I hate to admit it, but I feel like I am to blame for our "fallout" by flaking out repeatedly. I was going through a lot at the time, and coupled with the backlash I was facing, I was having a very difficult time trusting anyone. I'm now left with a horrible reputation.

Recently, one of the girls who was nicer toward me got married. Although it has been a few years since we've last spoken and she was pretty cold towards me a few years back, I'm considering sending her a congratulatory email but am not sure if it would even be worth it. Thoughts? Do I apologize or just keep it positive through congratulating her? Also, is it possible to restore a more positive reputation here in my community or should I just let that idea go? Thanks for the feedback.

[Alty]

As soon as you said "he was a different faith" and the fallout of you being with him, and then breaking up, just confirms how I feel about people of any faith. If you don't tow the line, you're out, but they spout all this "God is forgiveness, we're all about being good people of our faith" crap, that they don't really mean.

But that's another thread.

I would send her a card congratulating her on her marriage. What do you have to lose? You're not talking now, so it's not like you're going to ostracize her. She either sees the card and responds, opens communication, realizes that you're sending an olive branch, or she throws it out. Either way you're no worse off than you are now.

As for your reputation in your faith community, I'd cut them loose. They can't accept you, make up stories about you, pass judgement on you, and have made your life hell. Why would you want to be a part of that? Find a new community to be a part of, a community with your beliefs, that isn't contingent on you following every rule they have in place. One that lets you be who you are, without judgement. They one that turned you away, will never accept you. They're not good enough to do so. I wouldn't aspire to be a part of their community. I'd run away from it.

[smearcase]

Congratulations.
Sincerely,
RollTide

[Homegirl 50]

You can send her a congratulations, it can't hurt.
Keep it short and simple.