[Alty]

It's not that I don't think I'll get another chance because I know I will, that doesn't mean I can just turn my back on her.

Another chance for what? Sex? Of course you'll get another chance for that. She's a cheater. She's proven that. If all you want is sex, all you have to do is ask her. I'm sure she'll comply.

As for turning your back on her, that's bull. She's making a choice. The man she claims abuses her (and I really call bull on that one, I really do), she chooses to stay with. I'd bet that she tells you he beats her so she can justify her cheating, it's "look, he's so mean to me, I just want to be loved, and you're giving me that love. He treats me so badly. You can't call me a cheater because I'm abused, poor me".

She's a cheater! That's all she is. If she wanted you instead of him, she'd dump him. It's not like they're married, they're only dating.

The last post I posted you posted "...." but changed it, and then signed off. That says a lot. To me it says I hit the mark, told you the truth and you didn't want to hear it, so you signed off to come up with a post that will continue your illusions, will make you feel like you're doing the right thing.

You're really not. You want her, she stays with him. It's really that simple. If she wanted you, she'd be with you. She just wanted an itch scratched, and you scratched it.

[Alty]

And once again I post, and the OP leaves without a response, when he was online long after I posed. That's very telling. It's something that happens often on this site, when the poster is told the truth, a truth they don't want to accept, and has to take the time to come up with other excuses not only for us, but for himself.

I'm sure the poster will post again, with more excuses to stick with this girl. Not for love, not for any of the reasons stated, but simply because he doesn't want to let her go. It's not about her, or love, it's about what he wants. He wants more sex, he wants the girl, and he's willing to tarnish not only her name, but that of her boyfriend, just so we'll tell him what he wants to hear.

That's my take on this.

[Cat1864]

The last post I posted you posted "...." but changed it, and then signed off.

For clarification: That post wasn't changed. It was deleted since it wasn't an answer or a question.

He came back and gave an actual answer.

That said, Gunner, your reasons for not taking a step back are excuses and rationalizations. They are probably the same ones she uses when her boyfriend talks her into staying with him.

Letting her handle her own drama is not turning your back on her. It is treating her like a responsible adult who can make her own decisions. She isn't a damsel in distress and you are not a knight in shining armor. This isn't a fairytale that has the evil boyfriend disappear to leave the new couple to live happily ever after.

Leave the fantasies at the door and pay attention to the reality.

[Gunner87]

Alty you seem very quick to jump to conclusions. The reason I didn't reply is because I fell asleep. You seem to think that all I care about is sex which is totally incorrect. I am not the type of guy who goes for that. I am in this situation because of my feelings for her, if it was just for one thing and one thing only then there wouldn't be an issue. The reason I edited the previous post was because it was a repost of my previous comment. I wish that I could be cold hearted as most people in this world, but I'm not and never will be. When I love someone I properly love them.

[Gunner87]

Alty you seem very quick to jump to conclusions. The reason I didn't reply is because I fell asleep. You seem to think that all I care about is sex which is totally incorrect. I am not the type of guy who goes for that. I am in this situation because of my feelings for her, if it was just for one thing and one thing only then there wouldn't be an issue. The reason I edited the previous post was because it was a repost of my previous comment. I wish that I could be cold hearted as most people in this world, but I'm not and never will be. When I love someone I properly love them. As for your comments about this not being some kind of fairytale I am well aware of that fact, because I am not stupid! At no point have I tarnished her name and I never will, because regardless of this current situation, and regardless of what you think of me. I am in love with her and nothing can change that fact.

[talaniman]

In your case your proper love means sharing with an abusive boob? How much proper love can she give you back?

[Cat1864]

I may seem cold hearted to you because I am telling you to treat her like the adult she is supposed to be. Part of being an adult is taking responsibility for your own actions including getting yourself out of relationships that you get yourself into. From what you have told us, she hasn't taken all the measures she should to end things once and for all with her boyfriend. She seems to be weaving a great fairytale with herself as the damsel in distress and pulling you into it as her knight in shining armor. That is the fairytale.

Reality is that she is cheating with you and you are allowing your emotions for her to cloud your thinking. You think it is turning your back on her or being cold-hearted to insist that she be responsible for her own actions. It isn't. It is being a good friend who cares about her long term health and welfare. Adding to her confusion and your own is not helping her or yourself.

I would love to tell you that everything will work out great. The boyfriend will fade away into nothing. She will be yours and no one will have to do a thing to make it work out. But I can't. I have seen this scenario play out too many times over my lifetime. Nearly every time, I have seen it end with the person claiming to be in a bad relationship staying in it because it is ultimately who and what they want. I do not want to see you hurt because she can't let go of her past.

You can love her and try to be everything you believe she deserves but it won't change the fact that she has to do the work to move forward with her life.

[Gunner87]

I slept with the girl my best friend likes on new years Eve and now he has found out that I like her and wants nothing to do with me.

[Alty]

I'm sorry to hear that. Do you have a question?

[Alty]

Okay, now this makes a bit more sense. This girl seems to have a lot of guys panting at her feet. Does your former friend know that she has a boyfriend?

Doesn't seem that any of you care about the fact that she's in a relationship with someone else.

[Cat1864]

I slept with the girl my best friend likes on new years Eve and now he has found out that I like her and wants nothing to do with me.

This may seem harsh, but where does your best friend fit into the picture? Why should you worry about his feelings when she seems to be all you have been thinking about through this whole thing?

If he isn't her current boyfriend then he has as much of a claim on her as you do. He just one more person caught up in this whole mess.

Does he know you had sex with her? Will he inform her boyfriend about your feelings for her and what she has been up to?

[talaniman]

How did he find out?

[Gunner87]

He doesn't know we had sex. All he knows is that I love her, after I told him my feelings. Now I just feel even worse and more alone, which I shouldn't.

[joypulv]

So you talked to him instead of to her?
Why won't you confront HER? Because you refuse to give up the notion that she's the helpless, abused waif? Because you can't admit to yourself that she is the one playing two guys against each other?

[Gunner87]

I will confront her, but can't at the moment as she's away. I only told him that I have feelings for her because he asked me.

[talaniman]

Relax guy this drama is just starting. More yet to come.