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willblue18 · Dec 19, 2013, 04:47 AM

OK, here's what's going on. I'm 13 and my friend is also 13. However, she is sex crazy. We have known each other for a while. Her parents aren't exactly nice people either. However, now she always follows me, pressures me into situations I don't like at first but then enjoy when my mom is gone, and if she can get away with it, won't even go home at night. My mom caught her once, talked to her privately for about 5 minutes, then to me for about 2 minutes. She asked me to describe my friend, and then she said 'don't let me catch you.' now I'm sorry, but I'm sure that this entire thing is wrong. One, because the talk changed nothing about us, except now my mom is around even less. Please tell me if this is good, bad, messed up, or what. Please.

joypulv · Dec 19, 2013, 05:06 AM

Are you male or female? You say she is sex crazy but then sort of get vague, and I can't tell if you mean she is getting you to have sex or experiment and fool around or what. If she is pressuring you into having sex, please get out of this relationship immediately (whether you are male or female). You need the resolve to stand your ground for what you know is right (not easy when you are 13, I know). Can you describe what's going on a bit?

willblue18 · Dec 19, 2013, 06:21 AM

Well, I am male, and I was vague on purpose. I'm usually very descriptive but it's not as easy when you have no idea who is watching you... i understand it is of no help for me to be vague, so i will try to give a few more details. lets see, the sex, yes that's happening quite often. like i said before, our parents don't seem to care. she's not really pressuring me, it's just that... i don't know what. it doesn't feel like i'm being pressured, and i can't see a valid reason not to besides our age. it's just... i'm not objecting to it, but i'm not starting it either... get what i'm saying here?

joypulv · Dec 19, 2013, 06:39 AM

Yes, I get it. 'Personal integrity' is an alien concept when you are young, and many of us tend to go along with whatever our friends want us to do, making us either leaders or followers. Ideally you are neither, because leading is too often just bullying.

I take it you have more than one issue running through your mind? On the surface you are bothered by the fact that she is calling the shots and it just doesn't feel right. It shouldn't. Sex should be the result of a lot of mutual admiration, caring, sharing, and respect, as well as mutual agreement about the sex itself.
But there's more going on here - you are too young to have the huge heavy burden of pregnancy. There is NO 100% safe birth control! Condoms have a high failure rate, and withdrawal is worse. Even the pill can fail. You are also too young to be emotionally invested in one person, and to the exclusion of a group of friends. Those friends are where you learn about relationships (a lifelong task), not from one person. And getting hurt is huge when you already have all the tough things to worry about at your age.
I could go on and on, but I know others will weigh in!
Can you tell her no??

Homegirl 50 · Dec 19, 2013, 07:02 AM

I don't understand why your parents have no problem with this. Tell them what's going on and you don't want to be alone with the girl. You also need to tell the girl to leave you alone. At 13 you guys have no idea what you're doing.

willblue18 · Dec 19, 2013, 07:09 AM

My dad's never around, my mom's always working, and you think I haven't already asked to be left alone? I have to many problems to count right now! I could go on and on, but then it would take 20 minutes to read it! Also, you think me getting her pregnant isn't one of the things I can't stop worrying about? What if next time I screw up? What if I can't control it? I have too much going through my mind right now! At least she calms me down! So far, she's the one thing in my life that's not entirely screwed up!

Homegirl 50 · Dec 19, 2013, 07:48 AM

You can speak to someone at your school about her, let an adult handle this situation then it's off you.
Sex is not to clam you down and this situation with her is screwed up. Speak with a counselor at your school. Let another adult know what's going on.
This girl has problems as well and needs help if she has no adult supervision.

willblue18 · Dec 19, 2013, 07:52 AM

Fine, I'l speak with the counselor, but I'm not expecting it to help the situation. And when I said she calms me down, I meant when we just talk, not the sex.

J_9 · Dec 19, 2013, 07:57 AM

she's the one thing in my life that's not entirely screwed up!

I'm sorry my young friend, but 13 and "sex crazy" is entirely screwed up!

She is not physically, mentally, or emotionally prepared to be a mother and you aren't prepared to be a father. Sex = pregnancy, I don't care what protection you use. There isn't one that is 100% effective.

It's quite apparent to us adults that she has some serious issues in her life to be so promiscuous at 13 years old. 13 year olds that are not screwed up are concentrating on their grades, not sex.

Homegirl 50 · Dec 19, 2013, 08:06 AM

Do speak to your counselor. Both of you need help and your parents need to be fully aware of what is going on and the importance of doing something about this.
This young lady has serious issues and you are on your way too if you don't get help and stop having sex with her.

Wondergirl · Dec 19, 2013, 08:10 AM

She's "calming" for you because she apparently listens when you talk -- or at least is a warm body you can talk with or to. That's what a counselor does -- listens non-judgmentally as you talk.

joypulv · Dec 19, 2013, 08:30 AM

In one sentence you are crying for help and in the next you are defending the need for her company. That's part of being a teenager - confusion. It's not a whole lot better later on in life, and a lot of us gain wisdom when we are so old and grey it's too late to put it to good use.

Give yourself one last chance at being your own self before everyone finds out about the sex - one day. Tell her no sex or no contact at all. See if you have what it takes. It will feel good to know that you do.

talaniman · Dec 19, 2013, 08:38 AM

You both are missing something you find in each other, that's why she runs to you, and you are glad she does on one hand, but worried about the other stuff on the other. Its hard to separate the two things, need, and lust. 13 year olds NEED adults to guide and support them through those intense feelings 13 year olds go through.

Sorry but that's the whole problem, sex feels good and you do it because whose around to stop you, or show you a better way. The correct thing to do, and the hardest is to ask your mom for help, even if it means getting her and her parents in big trouble, and leaving you to deal with your own problems.

Talking to your school counselor will give you better help than anyone, and she may get help too, because she comes to you because she is running away from a really bad situation at home, and needs help to deal with it that you cannot give her. It will be messy and hard, but if you both get the right support and guidance, well worth it in the long run, because this screwed up situation will get WORSE the longer you let it continue, and will create even more problems.

You really don't need this kind of screwed up situation, and you know it is VERY screwed up, so tell a trusted adult, IMMEDIATELY. Do you have relatives or family close by?

ScottGem · Dec 19, 2013, 08:40 AM

You need to exercise greater self control. You do not want to be a father at 13.

willblue18 · Dec 19, 2013, 09:00 AM

I'll see if I can get her to stop, and if I can, I can try to forget about it. If I can't, I'll go to a counselor. All right?

Wondergirl · Dec 19, 2013, 09:05 AM

Originally Posted by willblue18

I'll see if I can get her to stop

YOU stop and say no -- and that will cause HER to stop.

joypulv · Dec 19, 2013, 09:06 AM

She gets just a one time chance. And you stay out of your room too.

J_9 · Dec 19, 2013, 09:06 AM

You can get her to stop. You just say no. If she continues it's rape.

Don't be alone with her. It's really that simple. If she comes over when your parents aren't home, don't open the door.

newgirl18 · Dec 19, 2013, 09:37 AM

A minute ago your saying you were going to the counselor, now your saying you'll give her another chance? 'i'll try to get her to stop' you need to take action of some sort. And to me, it sounds like you have Hypengyophobia, or the fear of taking responsibility. I think you should give her one chance, and if she fails it, go to an adult you can trust immediately. Try no contact with her for a week or so. If you can do that, you should be able to refuse sex with her.

talaniman · Dec 19, 2013, 09:51 AM

You already feel bad, and will keep feeling bad if you give in to her when she wants sex. It's a lot of responsibility to put on a 13 year old, but you can tell her you need a friend without the sex. That's probably what she needs most from you anyway.

Its easy to confuse friends and the feel good of sex when you are both so young, and have intense hormones common to your age raging out of control. Just saying NO is your answer but its hard to do by yourself, and you still both need adults to guide you HOW to say NO, and stick to it.

This means YOU have to grow up really fast, and be strong for you both, but especially for YOU. Talk to an adult, NO MATTER if she stops, or NOT. She may stop once or twice but will surely keep trying to have sex with you.

YOU will have to keep saying NO!!!!!!!!!!