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wanttobegreat · Dec 13, 2013, 04:06 PM

My boyfriend and I have been together for a year and a half. He seems to have lost sexual interest in me. He swears he's in love with me still, he's attracted to me, he still has a sex drive, and masturbates. We are are affectionate and love being together. We talk about how to work on this and he thinks there is something wrong. He's not sure he's bored or anything. I feel there must be something wrong with me.

We haven't been fighting and I've given him more space, which we thought was initially the issue. He feels he forces himself to have sex with me and I know he's trying to get it over with as quickly as possible whenever we do sleep together. I trust him and I know there isn't anyone else he's sleeping with. We want to work on this together but we both don't know where to start.

I'm his 2nd longer term girlfriend and he said this happened with her too but he was younger then about 19. He's 22 now and I'm 24. I've always been a little hyper sexual but I feel I don't even care how often we have sex as long as he's still interested in me. He said it's nothing I do, he's just never in the mood to get physical with me. He watches porn when he masturbates. I'm not sure whether to ask him to not masturbate and see if that helps. I don't know how we are supposed to fix this. We used to have sex often, every day or two and now it will be a week or two and I know he only initiates it because he feels is should. I've tried to get him started before but I can tell his mind isn't in it. He doesn't like lingerie or anything too spicy. I feel like he's not trying very hard but he expressed that he is. I don't know where to turn. We both don't want to break up and we both feel very much in love.

Edit:
I guess I just wonder why someone would rather masturbate than have sex with their girlfriend. He actually said he wants to have sex, but is just never in the mood to have sex with me. Sex once a week would be fine I felt he wanted to and wasn't doing it for the sake of doing it. He wants to get it over with and that is the problem for me. We have good sex, we are very open about it. But he said he just isn't in the mood for foreplay or making it last longer than 10 minutes anymore.

Wondergirl · Dec 13, 2013, 04:28 PM

After a year and a half together, sex at least once a week is a VERY good record. The newness has worn off and now you two are an established couple and conscious of and caught up in the everyday grind.

The last thing you want to do is make this an issue whereby he feels obliged or even feels like he's performing below standards. Others are going to respond to this with better advice than mine. My own advice is to just enjoy each other, live each day to the fullest, have fun with him in bed and out of it, and don't be so preoccupied with sex and talking about it and when the next "event" will be (or why there haven't been more of them).

talaniman · Dec 14, 2013, 10:23 AM

I would ask how are other areas of this relationship but suspect you would say "just fine", or "perfect". Willing to bet there are other issues besides sex that need to be resolved.

How about some more insights into the true situation as bedroom issues are but symptoms of a bigger problems in other areas of the relationship.

Fr_Chuck · Dec 15, 2013, 07:44 AM

I will agree, sex once a week, if both are working or in school. Is really more average.

And sex does slow down after the first year
Masturbation is just easier, he controls the speed and pressure, he does not have to worry about pleasing anyone else.

But at 22 he should be able to masturbate and have sex with you in a few mintues.