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jj2014 · Dec 9, 2013, 01:26 AM

My girlfriend and I have been together for 3 months and get on really well. We only met last weekend for the first time and things got passionate!

Anyway we used to talk and text every day but since we are in an LD it has not been easy. So ever since last weekend we have both missed each other and last Monday night she broke down in tears saying this is too much but with the pressure of her being a first year teacher probably does not help. She was report writing last week but for last four days she has been coming home and falling asleep. We had a good talk over the weekend and her mind is in a state of confusion and she feels it's not fair on me but I said I would support her. So we both looked at our schedules and agreed to set days out for phone calls and video calls. She liked the idea but she also told me that she was thinking maybe we should take a break but she did not know what that meant. We were meant to speak around 7.30 last night but she said make it later. I called her and no answer.

What do I do in this situation?

Homegirl 50 · Dec 9, 2013, 06:00 AM

Leave her alone. Maybe she liked the online you but not so much the real you. You don't really know her and I don't think she is being honest.
She met you and is not feeling you.
Leave her alone.

jj2014 · Dec 9, 2013, 06:22 AM

Anyway she called me this lunchtime to apologize for not getting back to me last night she sounds tired and down but she told me she loved me and cared about me but she feels it's not fair to put me through this situation but I said I'm here for her ! So what do you think she is not been honest about ?

Homegirl 50 · Dec 9, 2013, 06:39 AM

She does not want to continue the relationship with you. I don't understand what "this situation" is.
I'd leave her alone. This is very immature behavior.

Oliver2011 · Dec 9, 2013, 06:47 AM

The first thing you should do is learn how to use punctuations.

"she told me she loved me" - doubtful. You may have wanted to hear that and put it in your head that she said it. But I highly doubt she did. If in the very small chance she did say that, she was probably trying to get you off the phone.

You seem to be rushing the relationship which means it was doomed from the start. I suspect you rush all of your relationships. Get to know someone first before you profess your love for them. That means you will finally understand what love is. What you and her have isn't love at all. I didn't profess my love to my partner for well over a year - almost 2 years in fact. You have to know someone first before you tell them you love them.

jj2014 · Dec 9, 2013, 07:43 AM

No I took my time and got to know her for two months we met last weekend and everything was good and she said "I love you and care about you" and that was before I said anything. She just needs to get herself together but she sounded a lot better than the last few days though.

Homegirl 50 · Dec 9, 2013, 07:50 AM

All of this drama after one meeting is suspect. "I love you and care about you" means nothing. You two don't really know each other. I'd still leave her alone.

Wondergirl · Dec 9, 2013, 08:10 AM

The first year of teaching is very wild and crazy with the teacher learning more than the students! She has to be super organized, will be checked up on by the principal and more experienced teachers, has to work out a curriculum and plan each day's lessons, then grade papers, record grades, evaluate students holistically and rethink her teaching methods, and so much more. And depending on which grade she has and how long of a commute, she could be really stressed at this point and is looking forward to winter break (or whatever they call it).

Sooooooo, tossing a romantic relationship into the mix will cause her even more stress and upset. Like the others said, back off and let her devote her mind and time to her teaching.

jj2014 · Dec 9, 2013, 08:16 AM

Originally Posted by Wondergirl

The first year of teaching is very wild and crazy with the teacher learning more than the students! She has to be super organized, will be checked up on by the principal and more experienced teachers, has to work out a curriculum and plan each day's lessons, then grade papers, record grades, evaluate students holistically and rethink her teaching methods, and so much more. And depending on which grade she has and how long of a commute, she could be really stressed at this point and is looking forward to winter break (or whatever they call it).

Sooooooo, tossing a romantic relationship into the mix will cause her even more stress and upset. Like the others said, back off and let her devote her mind and time to her teaching.

I am doing that and letting her call me when she wants she teaches key stage 2 and gets home around 7pm sometimes she falls asleep she has just done their xmas reports and has parents evening tomorrow night. I said I will support her in anyway I can and we are due to meet up in between Christmas and New year but currently unsure about that !

We are just going to play this by ear so week to week it will be

Wondergirl · Dec 9, 2013, 09:01 AM

Do you have a job?

jj2014 · Dec 9, 2013, 09:11 AM

Originally Posted by Wondergirl

Do you have a job?

Just made redundant over a month ago but she has been supportive through that time but I have a lot of interviews lined up which is good and she is happy that I'm doing stuff to improve my life.

Wondergirl · Dec 9, 2013, 09:18 AM

Keep your reports to her about your job search and interviews lighthearted and casual -- look for the funny moments and don't burden her with tales of woe.

jj2014 · Dec 9, 2013, 09:23 AM

Originally Posted by Wondergirl

Keep your reports to her about your job search and interviews lighthearted and casual -- look for the funny moments and don't burden her with tales of woe.

Sure I'm hoping that when the winter break is around the corner things will pick up between me and her

Wondergirl · Dec 9, 2013, 09:28 AM

Originally Posted by jj2014

Sure I'm hoping that when the winter break is around the corner things will pick up between me and her

She may want to spend holiday time catching up with her teacher duties with recording of grades, workbook grading, and getting ready to do report cards in January. She may have family responsibilities too with last-minute shopping, visiting relatives, and celebrating with family members. You may be the last item on her agenda.

jj2014 · Dec 9, 2013, 09:33 AM

Originally Posted by Wondergirl

She may want to spend holiday time catching up with her teacher duties with recording of grades, workbook grading, and getting ready to do report cards in January. She may have family responsibilities too with last-minute shopping, visiting relatives, and celebrating with family members. You may be the last item on her agenda.

well she has no kids but we are aiming to meet up over Christmas but it might have to be January but I think it's only right that I help ride out the storm with her but do it low profile.

Wondergirl · Dec 9, 2013, 09:36 AM

Originally Posted by jj2014

well she has no kids but we are aiming to meet up over Christmas but it might have to be January but I think it's only right that I help ride out the storm with her but do it low profile.

But she has parents, sibs, aunts and uncles, grandparents, and other relatives.

I'm not sure how you can "ride out the storm" with her. Be upbeat and fun and don't add to any stress she may be experiencing already.

jj2014 · Dec 9, 2013, 09:54 AM

Originally Posted by Wondergirl

But she has parents, sibs, aunts and uncles, grandparents, and other relatives.

I'm not sure how you can "ride out the storm" with her. Be upbeat and fun and don't add to any stress she may be experiencing already.

I'm been positive but I'm just going to be there for her like she has for me

Homegirl 50 · Dec 9, 2013, 10:36 AM

Just my opinion, but if she was really feeling you, she would not put you on the back burner until the first of the year. You would be a relief for her. I don't understand this "I'm too stressed to deal with you" unless you have been a needy person with her.
I wish you well.

jj2014 · Dec 9, 2013, 10:46 AM

Originally Posted by Homegirl 50

Just my opinion, but if she was really feeling you, she would not put you on the back burner until the first of the year. You would be a relief for her. I don't understand this "I'm too stressed to deal with you" unless you have been a needy person with her.
I wish you well.

no I have not been needy we both agreed a while ago that if we can't meet at Christmas then we will meet in the new year ! One of the things she says to me is she needs to sort her life balance out between teaching and home life I think she is not aware of what her limit is she has told me she is finding it difficult to get a work life balance so I have suggested maybe she takes two nights in a week just to switch off and not do any work that might help her not feel so low .

Wondergirl · Dec 9, 2013, 10:55 AM

Originally Posted by jj2014

I have suggested maybe she takes two nights in a week just to switch off and not do any work that might help her not feel so low .

When you are a first-year (new) teacher, you can't switch yourself off and ignore the work that needs to be done to prepare for the next school day(s) and to catch up with correcting and grading. At night, a new teacher DREAMS about students and school and can't turn her mind off regarding bulletin boards and handouts and tests/quizzes and always papers to correct. She can't walk out of the school building and leave it all behind her.