[luv13]

Hello I am new to this site and thought I'd give it a go and see what everyone else out there thinks of my situation.

I have been married for twelve years and have a son with my husband. Me and him have always had our ups and downs, but lately I've been having a gnawing suspicion in my gut. My husband spends a lot of time with one particular friend. He is always talking on the phone with this person at least a few times a week and for at least 20 min or more. Mind you this is from a man that has always said that he doesn't like speaking on the phone and when he does its quick and to the point. We never speak on the phone and when we do its only for the need to know info, like if I'm telling him to pick up our son or something, only for a couple minutes. Do you think that's odd that he enjoys talking to this friend so much?

It seems like every other weekend he is hanging out with this guy, also every time we argue he goes to this friends house! Every time! Also we have had anal sex before and he'll usually will ask every now and then for it. But lately he hasn't brought it up or anything.. Hmmmm could he be getting that itch scratched some where else?? I'm just starting to find it real odd that he spends sooo much time with one particular person and searching on sites I see that it is kind of weird for a married man to do this. What do you think?

[talaniman]

After 12 years, all of a sudden you think your partner is gay? I would look closer to home at what's going on between you two before I made a leap like that. If you think he is gay now, then chances are he always has been.

What else do you have, as what you have written sounds like doubts that creep into any relationship that's going through something challenging. What about those sites he is visiting?

[Jake2008]

Have you met his friend?

From what you have said, talking on the phone for 20 minutes, twice or so a week, and meeting up with him every other weekend, doesn't sound suspicious to me.

I don't hear you saying that he stays out all night, or he's moody, or doesn't communicate, or ignores you and his son, or he drinks himself into oblivion.

Have you talked to him about your suspicions?

What do the two of you do together- do you have any friends? Do you spend time with them? Do you work outside the home, or have activities and interests yourself?

I'm just not getting from what you said so far, that there is a serious problem here; serious enough to think your husband is gay.

[Alty]

Sounds like he has a best friend. We women usually have them too, the one we spend hours on the phone with, the one we get together with for a night out, the one we run to when we're having issues with our spouse.

Nothing you've said rings any alarms that he's gay. Not in my opinion anyway.

[Oliver2011]

I agree. Nothing you said screams gay. Guys like and are capable of having very close friendships.

[smoothy]

I'm with everyone else... he just has found a good guy friend and talks about guy stuff. Notice I said GUY stuff...not GAY stuff.

Even if his friend turned out to be gay..it still means nothing.....You have a lady friend or two don't you?.... no hanky panky going on there is there? Probibly not, right...why would it be different for him?

[joypulv]

Bottom line is that we strangers online can't possibly know, although I too agree that you have nothing solid to base this on.
Countless marriages survive based on 'the guys' getting together in the basement or man cave or garage or on fishing trips, etc. Women are far less likely to sit around the TV with food and beer and football, or form a team, or go on trips together. The smart ones do have their women friends for times to get away from men, usually out somewhere rather than in the house. Some go on trips - my sister does without her husband, and they go hiking or skiing for a week or two. He has his groups of male friends. Healthy!
Does one on one make them more likely to be having sex? Only based on the fact that there's just the 2 of them, nothing else.