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abacol · Dec 4, 2013, 12:53 AM

I've been married 20 yrs. & my hubby said he doesn't love me anymore. I decided to leave IL & went to CA to get support from my siblings & Mom there & also to heal my pain. I told my hubby & daughter about this before I left. While I was there, I told my hubby that I want to live in CA & just bring my daughter there to live with me. But he didn't agree on that. So I told him I'll be staying in CA instead. After 3 weeks, I decided to buy a plane ticket home leaving after a month & 8 days of staying in CA. I told my hubby my plans & he said that I can't live in our home anymore since I told him that I'm not coming back in the first place while I was there for 3weeks. He said he'll support me financially on wherever I find a place.

What should I do? I still would want to be at home with my daughter.

Oliver2011 · Dec 4, 2013, 05:16 AM

What should you do? Both of you should put the interest of your daughter first and that should be your number one priority.

It takes 2 willing parties to have a relationship. For whatever reasons you don't have that. So with the daughter first approach work out an amicable situation with your husband. That could mean you staying in a separate bedroom or taking him up on his offer of financial support with 50% custody.

ScottGem · Dec 4, 2013, 05:43 AM

Has he filed for divorce? Normally I would say he can't kick you out of the marital home without a divorce decree. But since you effectively abandoned the home, he may be able to do so. I would not go back IL unless you have someplace to live.

One of you needs to file for divorce and determine support and custody issues through the divorce.

stinawords · Dec 4, 2013, 06:04 AM

If you are going back to IL then make sure you have a place to stay. It is possible that he can't have you removed from the home if you are still legally married but you might want to take him up on his offer and stay at a hotel or something while you are in town. That way you can be in town at least long enough to get a court date and have time with your daughter. Though I have to warn you that by leaving your daughter with him for so long won't bode well for you in court. Do you even know yet if he has already filed for a legal separation or divorce?

joypulv · Dec 4, 2013, 06:31 AM

Technically you can demand your right to be in the marital home, as long as he didn't get a restraining order (and no divorce yet, I assume). That could mean showing up at the door with a police officer.
But practically, that's a poor way to handle this.
You bought the plane ticket, so TALK to him about some arrangement when you get there.
TALKING is what you should have been doing for the last month, not just nursing your wounds.
How old is your daughter?