[kellb08]

I was a single parent and I raised my daughter as best I could. She never had to want for anything. She is my only child and I love her with all my heart. She is very confusing to me however. She is not married and has one child from one father and another child from another father. Both little boys mean the world to me. She doesn't seem to manage her money very well and for years I've helped her as much as I could financially. I've paid rent for her (4 months in advance) bought her furniture, beds for the boys, kitchen set. I've helped her with cars. When she was short on money for the holidays, I was Santa for her boys.

She disrespects me constantly in front of her kids. This year I told her she and her boyfriend aren't getting Christmas presents from me because I paid two of their bills, took off a week to take care of one of the kids during their daycare sitters summer vacation. I also purchased a suite at the Wolfs lodge in Wisconsin dells etc. which cost me about $1,200 so they could have some fun. She was mad at me that week too so I decided not to go with them. I paid for her lawyers fees when she was going to court to fight to keep her oldest son. I have always been there for her. She has never, ever done anything for me. Not once.

I don't get her, I don't get her at all. I wouldn't treat a dog the way she treats me. I think she is just so unhappy with her life, that she hates me for being happy. I can't help it that I am happy, I have always been happy even when I was growing up a poor farm kid. I kick myself for doing too much for her, because now she expects it. She told me recently that all I do is blow my money gambling?? Well what difference is it to her as long as I pay my bills, I own my home, my car is paid for and I don't have credit cards? I have money in the bank so if I have a little fun money at my age, I should be able to go on a trip or to a casino.

Knowing that she hates me, my grandsons will learn to hate me too. They will learn this from her.

[Wondergirl]

No, they are learning it from you, just as your daughter did.

Money used as a bribe --
1. She never had to want for anything.
2. She doesn't seem to manage her money very well [because I take care of all her financial needs].
3. For years I've helped her as much as I could financially.
4. I've paid rent for her (4 months in advance).
5. I've bought her furniture.
6. i've bought her beds for the boys.
7. I bought her a kitchen set.
8. I've helped her with cars.
9. When she was short on money for the holidays, I was Santa for her boys.
10. I paid two of their bills.
11. I took off a week to take care of one of the kids during their daycare sitters summer vacation.
12. I also purchased a suite at the Wolfs lodge in Wisconsin dells etc. which cost me about $1,200 so they could have some fun.
13. I paid for her lawyers fees when she was going to court to fight to keep her oldest son.
14. I have always been there for her [especially to bail her out financially].

Money used as weapon --
1. This year I told her she and her boyfriend aren't getting Christmas presents from me.
2. I decided not to go [to Wisconsin Dells] with them.

Stop bailing her out. Let her be financially responsible for herself. Don't use money a a bribe and as a weapon.

Can you stop and allow her to be financially responsible?

[talaniman]

You spoiled that brat pretty good, now leave her alone to unspoil herself. Be happy and have fun, takes about 2 to 3 years before the get reality.

[Jake2008]

All the things you've done for her, are not appreciated, repaid, or any kindness whatsoever, returned.

Unfortunately, how she treats you, is exactly how your grandsons will grow and treat you as well.

They will not question their mother, or her bad behavior, or remember that it was you that paid for the rent, put food on the table, and provided vacations. You wouldn't disrespect their mother, by bragging or complaining to her sons that it was you who did, and that, and not her. You don't sound like that kind of person to me at all.

That being said, you are losing the war, having lost many, many battles over the years.

She really does have to stand on her own two feet, and provide for herself, and for her son's. You are doing her no favours by being her bank, babysitter, car purchaser, or any other role you have taken on over the years. She will never grow up, unless you let her.

Being appreciated isn't going to happen. In a way, I'm glad this situation is so obvious. Had she reciprocated for your kindness with respect, and a grateful attitude, it would have been much harder to see that you were still doing the wrong thing.

Please stop what you are doing. If you have so much extra money to spare, why not make a donation to your local food bank, or women's shelter, or soup kitchen. That is where money is needed- people really need the support that your daughter throws away without a second thought.

To set the stage, tell her that the money train stops- now. She can't treat you any worse than she is now, so you really don't need much preparation to tell her what you are doing.

There will be no more handouts; if she is in desperate circumstances, she can contact the other 4 grandparents for help, and/or the father's of her children. Or, she can knock on the door of the soup kitchen, or hit the food bank as many thousands do.

Life is tough when you have to grow up. It is only up to her, not you, to find her way to support herself and her sons. The longer you delay allowing her to grow up, the more the buildup of hurt, anger, and confusion will follow you around.

Time to let her grow up.