[Squidgy69]

I was in an unhappy long term relationship. Then I met a woman. We hit it off pretty much straight away and over the following months we grew to become good friends. We were doing a show together and when the show finished, I was overwhelmed with panic that I wouldn't see her again. I got in contact with her and we met up for coffee. I knew I had strong feelings for her but she was married so off limits. We talked about usual stuff then she started telling me her husband was abusive toward her, not physical but told her she was ugly, no other man would ever find her attractive etc. He is a drinker and comes home and says these things to her. She tells me they sleep in separate beds.

Over the following months we saw each other now and again and my feelings grew. I left the relationship I was in and am now single. I have asked her why she stays with her husband and she says it's because of her two kids, she is frightened to be on her own because of money pressures, her family think she should work at her marriage and she says she has tried and tried but there is nothing there and he still drinks and gives her the abuse.

We grew very close and have slept together, I'm not proud of this but I do love her very much and I would love to make her happy. She has said that she now realizes there is a chance for a happy life. Am I wasting my time here? I don't know what living with an abusive partner is like, can they turn you into a frightened person with no self confidence, am I just making the whole situation worse? If I walk away I am frightened she won't have the guts to leave. Even without me in the picture she needs to get away from this awful man.

[Wondergirl]

She and her children need to get away from him first without you in the picture. Yes, an abusive partner can turn the other into a scared person with no self confidence, so all the more reason she should seek out a counselor (not you) who can help her walk out the door.and start a new life. If you are involved, she will always associate you with the ending of her marriage.

[talaniman]

The temporary feel good you get by making her a liar and cheater makes her no better than the drunk boob she married. And I doubt she ever brings her kids around you even if she leaves because it may take years for anything to change with her marriage one way or another.

So yes you are wasting your time and doing her no good while you make excuses to justify scratching a mutual itch. Do you even know how truthful her story is? Of course you don't.

[joypulv]

You've known her a long time. It's time for you to get some 'proof' about her husband and children and where she lives and what her money problems are, etc, as discreetly as possible.

If she is feeling you out to see if you are willing to help her get away from her husband, then you could be facing big trouble. If she has serial boyfriends and always goes back to him, then you are facing heartache. If it's all a lie - then you need to know so that you can split.

Suggesting that she get help with getting a divorce first - such as in therapy - is the best idea, without you. If you are worried that she won't and 'needs' you to be there for her, then please be careful.