[fayeza]

Hey guys, I'm 23 and in a relationship with a Pakistani guy, being an Indian myself. The problem is my family has a huge dislike for Pakistani guys their reasons being they often do two timing, have a secret family that the girl discovers after marriage and other such factors. Also earlier certain females in my family had been wed to our Paki relatives and things didn't turn out well with their marriage. Hence Paki guys are a taboo here. But the thing is I really love him and want to marry him . Don't know how to convince my mom basically, I'm totally clueless.

Any advices?

[Wondergirl]

First, is religion a concern?

[fayeza]

First, is religion a concern?

No, we belong to the same religion, his nationality and ethnicity is an issue. A big one in fact

[Wondergirl]

I've had lots of Indian friends and a bunch of Pakistani ones. All are wonderful people (and oh! the wonderful food!) -- and anyone, no matter what culture, can have a hidden family or cheat on his wife or beat the dog or have a rotten marriage. My Lutheran father believed his children should marry only Lutherans, so he was a bit upset when his second daughter married a nice Lutheran young man who then cheated on her. ("Yes, Father, Lutherans are capable of cheating on their spouses.")

At this point, your family needs to be with him and get to know him so that they learn to like him and become assured he will not upset and hurt their precious daughter. Of course, life takes twists and turns, and there is no guarantee about having a perfect marriage -- but the longer you and your family know him, the better it will be.

[talaniman]

Prejudice and past bad experience by others is a huge obstacle to overcome, and often cannot be. You may never convince your parents of your decision, but in fact it's your decision to make, whether anyone agrees or not.

You either let others decide your course, or you decide it for yourself. They will come around to respect it, or they will NOT. If you have no clue, My advice is to wait until you do. What has been the counsel of your intended? What help and support does he give you in this? Has he given your family his personal assurances about a marriage?

[fayeza]

Prejudice and past bad experience by others is a huge obstacle to overcome, and often cannot be. You may never convince your parents of your decision, but in fact it's your decision to make, whether anyone agrees or not.

You either let others decide your course, or you decide it for yourself. They will come around to respect it, or they will NOT. If you have no clue, My advice is to wait until you do. What has been the counsel of your intended? What help and support does he give you in this? Has he given your family his personal assurances about a marriage?

Tomorrow, he'll be speaking to my mum, she is still giving me a lot of negative vibes, I doubt if something fruitful is going to happen. He is so far from what I have observed a nice guy ,n he projects everything that । Look for in a guy, along with that he is ready to beg my mom, swear by the Almighty that no matter what he'll never leave my side, but my parents are really practical n hold the fact that, once the newly married phase fades off n the reality kicks in, its am ugly sight, n then differences n fights start to surface n everything seems like a drunk decision.. I really love him, but I won't hurt my parents. Im stuck in a bad bad situation

I've had lots of Indian friends and a bunch of Pakistani ones. All are wonderful people (and oh! the wonderful food!) -- and anyone, no matter what culture, can have a hidden family or cheat on his wife or beat the dog or have a rotten marriage. My Lutheran father believed his children should marry only Lutherans, so he was a bit upset when his second daughter married a nice Lutheran young man who then cheated on her. ("Yes, Father, Lutherans are capable of cheating on their spouses.")

At this point, your family needs to be with him and get to know him so that they learn to like him and become assured he will not upset and hurt their precious daughter. Of course, life takes twists and turns, and there is no guarantee about having a perfect marriage -- but the longer you and your family know him, the better it will be.

I want my family to know him. The problem is they've already formed an opinion over him. Based on his ethnicity regard his people as cavemen mentality. Although that is not the case, he is really broad minded, but lives in a large famil। With over 10 siblings and expects me to adjust. At a later stage hefight try for citizenshi। In another country too, so we both can get past the indi- pak hurdle. On top of all this my mom demands a college degree from him. Which I don't think he has. And that's a biggie minus point. Tomorrow eve he'll be speaking to my mom for the first time. I hope all goes well

[Wondergirl]

Tomorrow, he'll be speaking to my mum...once the newly married phase fades off n the reality kicks in, its am ugly sight, n then differences n fights start to surface n everything seems like a drunk decision.

Did that happen to her, to them? Or no, supposedly not because they share a culture? Indian men can be very sneaky and mean and arrogant too. And German men and French men and American men and................

[fayeza]

Yes, I don't deny. There's no guarantee about how life is going to be, but as I said , we have relatives in pak too, n few of my aunts who are married there, one is divorced, other was admitted in a mental asylum because her husband grilled her brain to the core, n a third one, who was cheated by her guy n her own best friend. (can you believe this) n so the common notions stands high, that marrying your girl to a paki is as good as givin। Her a death sentence. Im trying hard to ask her not to generalize, but she has observed these things happen to others. So is really doubtful of my guy.

[Wondergirl]

So is really doubtful of my guy.

As the song says, to know him is to love him. How long have you two been together? Is your desire for a wedding in the future (you two are really serious?), or not yet?

[fayeza]

As the song says, to know him is to love him. How long have you two been together? Is your desire for a wedding in the future (you two are really serious?), or not yet?

Yes we are very serious, I met him earlier this year. He has been wanting to speak to my parents since ages, I could muster the courage just yesterday to tell my mum that I'm seeing someone. She acted like I told her I have a baby, ( you know all the indian melodrama) but she is sweet n after a lot of convincing, agreed to speak to him. His parents don't have an issue with me.

[Wondergirl]

but she is sweet n after a lot of convincing, agreed to speak to him. His parents don't have an issue with me.

Tell him to learn how to make samosas with green (or mango) chutney (and send some to me!) :D. I'm glad she is now willing to give him a chance.

[fayeza]

Tell him to learn how to make samosas with green (or mango) chutney (and send some to me!) :D. I'm glad she is now willing to give him a chance.

Thank you so much. I hope she likes him. Im the one who is from the samosa land, his mommy thinks ill prove to be a great indian cook. But.. Alas! I know not the a,b,c of kitchen.. Hehe.. Do pray for me

[Wondergirl]

great indian cook. But.. Alas! I know not the a,b,c of kitchen.. Hehe.. Do pray for me

Ask your mother to teach you. And learn to cook Paki dishes also.

[fayeza]

Ask your mother to teach you. And learn to cook Paki dishes also.

Indian n paki dishes are somewhat the same.. I'll have to sought help to master the art of cooking