[lonelybutinlove]

We don't show love like we use to, he never says nice things to me. When I have asked him how come if doesn't compliment me anymore. He says he shouldn't have to say it. I tell him I would like to hear nice things and I get, Well maybe I'm not the right guy for you. He use to tell me I was beautiful, sexy, and he loves me like he has never loved another person before. Now we barely talk, we do what we do everyday then come bedtime. I'm on my side of the bed and he is on his. We make love once a month sometimes it is longer than a month. So my question is, even though I have so much love for him and I couldn't imagine life without him. Is our relationship over?

[dontknownuthin]

Did you pay any attention at all to what you just wrote? You're living with a guy who has already separated from you emotionally and physically. You've been together for 6 years but apparently either he hasn't asked or you've had reservations, so there's no marriage. This is a loser relationship. Probably figure you've invested so much, you don't want to bail now but honestly - if you were putting money in a vending machine and no candy or pop came out, would you keep putting money in hoping to get something or would you cut your losses? You aren't getting anything from this guy, no matter what you put into the relationship. You could spend another 6 years figuring out why, and he'll still stay the same because you can't fix other people. Or, you can spend the next 6 years being kind to yourself and finding a real relationship that's fun, light, romantic and rewarding, where you are appreciated and your kindness and the love you offer is actually wanted.

You sound like you have reasonable expectations of a relationship - a kind word, some support, some affection. Go get that. You will not change this dead weight you're with now. You also sound like you are in love with the idea of having a relationship with who you think he could be. He's not that guy, not going to be that guy. You're in love with a myth. The real thing is out there, but not as long as you're chained to a non-committal dud who probably just makes you feel bad.

Get out and go for what you want with someone else. Take some time off to be alone first though - get a roommate if housing and money is an issue (another woman so you aren't tempted to get into a relationship of convenience). Figure out why you were willing to stay in a relationship for 6 years with an emotionally absent person before you make the same mistake and sell yourself short again. Seriously, people in dead end relationships tend to get into them over and over and over again, unless they stop and figure it out, learn to watch for red flags and head them - when they learn to do that, they find the real deal.

Good luck to you.

[joypulv]

TONS of men say variations on 'I shouldn't have to say it.' The male stereotype really is like that. They settle in to domestic routine and just assume that as long as you don't fight, you are fine. As for sex, studies have shown that the number one factor isn't your attractiveness, it's their work and financial situation. They have to like what they do for a living and feel like they are bringing home the bacon.
This is just the stereotype. We have no way of knowing what he's thinking. He could have low testosterone, or be sad about the loss of a parent, or have a woman on the side, or be gay, or watching porn, or be too tired. That's just a quick list to show you how ridiculous some of them will be for him, but we aren't there, are we? YOU tell US!
The solution is either couples counseling or working on it together, learning what each other wants from the other, and compromising. That's what it's all about - compromise. He agrees to 5 hugs a week with a sweet word in your ear, and you agree to something he wants. Make a list.

[lonelybutinlove]

Thank you for that, that's what I needed to hear. I told him how I felt and he said it's just stress of everyday life and struggles. He says he loves me more than anything and doesn't want me to leave. He is going to try and be more aware of what's missing in our relationship so I don't feel bad or neglected by him. Thank you so much for the advice and chat. It's so great to have people be honest instead of telling what you want to hear. I will see how this goes, I believe in second chance but not thirds! Hope it goes like it was said. We'll see.

I don't trust people easily and it's hard for me to get close to people. I'm stuck in comfort and that's where it's going to hurt. I do need to find out where it went wrong and do what's going to make me happy. ONE THING I realized is I have to be happy before I do anything else. It my time to smile!

[Jake2008]

I'm not so sure that the relationship is over. Particularly because you both love each other.

If you look at him, and can honestly say that out of 100%, you love 80 or 90% of him, then why throw that away?

People change over time. Needs and wants change over time. Stress and busy lives take away from the togetherness that existed in the 'rose coloured glasses' stage in the beginning, where you had sex like rabbits.

I don't think he is entirely to blame for changing. What have you done to rekindle the flame? Planned a nice night out maybe? Maybe promise yourself that you'll complain less, and be positive, more? If your bottom lip is dragging on the floor as a message to him that you need to hear compliments and nice words to make yourself feel loved, perhaps he's given up.

I'm not saying he shouldn't be making an effort. He should be. I'm saying that I doubt you would find a man who would continuously feed your ego, for six years. Expecting that a partner would, makes me think you are superficial somewhat, and not seeing the bigger picture here.