[indirose]

I broke up with ex 2 years ago after a 10 year relationship. At the time our daughter was two. We were arguing a lot and I didn't want this to affect our daughter. Ex took this really hard and when he found I was dating someone he turned really nasty. We have not really communicated in last two years because he hated me so much for breaking up our family. Since then, things with my current boyfriend have been strained due to my ex and how much he made life difficult for us. I made contact with my ex recently to tell him I don't want all this hatred anymore. We ended up meeting up and chatting for ages like old times. We both cleared a lot up that had happened in the two years since we split.

I never stopped loving him after everything even though I broke up with him. He still loves me and wants us to try again. I don't know what to do. My current boyfriend and I don't want the same things in the future so it is hard. I love my current boyfriend but he broke it off with me last year cause he couldn't deal with my ex. Obviously we got back together though. He takes me for granted. My ex has definitely changed a lot in his life for the better and because we were together for 10yrs from when I was 18 and him 22 we have grown up together and been through more than most people (another long story).

My parents and friends would never forgive me if I took my ex back and I know certain people that would stop talking to me. I am so confused.

[Jake2008]

Your first priority has to be what is in the best interest of your daughter. I gather she is around 4. Has she come to call your current boyfriend 'daddy'? And does he live with you and your daughter?

I don't know why arguing in itself would be a cause for a breakup with the baby's father in the first place. There are many ways to learn how to argue without harming anyone. Were you involved with someone (the new boyfriend) before you split with your baby's father?

I'm not sure the original split has anything to do with your daughter, unless you are saying that there was a lot more than arguing going on.

And what makes you think that things would be any different with your ex after meeting with him once. Seems that if you can forgive your differences so quickly, that might have been done before you split?

Your little girl is going to be confused no matter what you do, and with her being two years older now, you are risking upsetting her life even more by considering her father as a possible re-entry into her life, along with the loss of your current boyfriend- if that is what you are implying here.

Maybe a little more history would paint a clearer picture.

[talaniman]

At this time forget getting back together because the REAL challenge is can you be good parents. Do that first and set some boundaries of good behavior that accomplishes this. Jumping back into a relationship with the same one that failed before isn't that wise, and the fact you love your current boyfriend but see no future is a big red flag that deep down maybe it's a fear of being alone that's YOUR issue to solve.

I would not ignore your own make up/breakup pattern in both relationships. Its very telling you have not even mentioned if this ex was a good father despite your personal differences over two years. That would be a MAJOR factor in my thinking. Not who your boyfriend is. You have no business talking of getting back with an ex while you string along a guy you love but don't like.

Being single and handling your business is what I advise. Just be a part of a good parenting team for now. Then the confusion might end when you take the need for a boyfriend out of the equation. You are a MOTHER first, and foremost before a girlfriend no matter your history.

[joypulv]

Jumping from the frying pan into the fire, and now back into the frying pan again.. A nice chat 'for ages' is not meaningful, and not indicative of how well you would work out.
Break up with the current guy. He's put up with enough, don't you think?
Stop with the 'never stopped loving the ex' and 'I love my current boyfriend.'
I have a feeling that you forget the basic underlying problems easily.
Move in with the family or friend who is the most vehement about you not getting back with the father of your child! No men for a while.