[nessina]

My husband cheated and fathered a child with another women and didn't tell me for seven years when she started sueing for child support,I'm devastated that he could keep such a secret for so long,we have been together for 32 years,what can I do besides leave him

[odinn7]

You ask what you can do....You only have 2 choices....Leave him or get over it. Unfortunately, there is no perfect answer here.

[Jake2008]

I don't know that any woman, married to a man for 32 years, who suddenly learns he fathered a child seven years ago- just gets over it!

It is more than just the fact that there is a 7 year old child resulting from his cheating. It is the lying, sneaking, secrets hidden, people knowing- and now about to be a hit on the bank account. To think someone has been faithful for all those years, turns out to be a cheater. Too much.

It would have been a different story had things been said, when they happened.

I presume he has had some contact with this other woman- did he continue to see her? I'd be wondering about more meetings, email, chat, etc. Has he ever met this child?

I don't know if you can ever forgive him, that is something only you can decide. What I would suggest is that you seek counseling on your own, to talk this through with a counselor who can help you sort out all the feelings you must be going through.

Even if you do decide to leave, or he leaves, you will still be left with much of the last decade to sort through, knowing what he had done, and kept a secret for so long.

All the best of luck.

[smoothy]

There will also be the significant drop in the household income for the child support he will have to pay assuming he is the major breadwinner for the household that she will have to endure for the next 11 to 14 years. Meaning kiss all those retirement plans goodbye. That makes it far worse than simply having an affair would have been.

[joypulv]

Another way of saying the choices is 'Divorce him or stay with him.'
I would divorce him. Even if you are totally unable to decide right now, get your ducks in a row with a lawyer. The cold reality is that the sooner you do that, the sooner you have a hold on bank accounts and other assets, and you need that. If you can start a separate account in your name, do so tomorrow. And a lawyer will want a retainer, usually a pretty hefty amount.

[Jake2008]

No doubt you are in a tough spot. I'm not so sure that a separation wouldn't help give you the space you need to just think.

A lawyer is a good idea, and a separation agreement to establish finances, is probably a good idea too. If he will be taken to court for support for his child, for all those years particularly, you could be devastated financially.

It must be very hard to make any decisions right now, but speaking to a lawyer may ease all the 'what if's', and some guidance in how to protect yourself is essential.

I hope you'll post again and let us know how you are doing.