[lsm0502]

OK first of all, I wasn't intending to snoop on his phone but he asked me to set an alarm on his phone and that's when a suspicious text popped up. I was planning on ignoring but I couldn't get it out of my head. So one night I just wanted to find out the context of the messages and that's when I found a ton of messages between him and other men. As well as naked pics sent back and forth. They are about a month and a half old but we were definitely together when it was going on. Should I just let it go?

[joypulv]

First - are you male or female?
Second - were these just received by him, or sent by him too? (You say back and forth, but just checking.)
Third, how long have you been together?

Once you snoop, you open a can of worms in your own mind, and you have no choice but to talk to him about it if you can't let it drop. And you did SNOOP, regardless of your reason, which is a terrible one. So don't even explain with more than one little sentence when you apologize. And if he says 'that was long ago, ancient history,' and you don't let it drop, I'm afraid that your relationship with him is in big trouble.

[Jake2008]

I wouldn't let this go.

And I don't think it matters if you are in a same sex marriage. But, I'm wondering why you aren't more upset.

Sending texts and nude pictures by any electronic means is a degrading, and dangerous activity. He could be setting himself up for big trouble should any of the texts and pictures be sent to his employer for example.

He has something going on, that, while I agree you should not snoop on anybody's phone, I think you are lucky to have found out now, rather than a decade from now, that he is not the person you thought he was.

I would also assume that with the volume of contact he has had, that it's more likely than not things have progressed from texts and pictures, to actual hookups with other men, in which case, your health could be in danger as well.

I honestly can't offer a guess as to why you wouldn't have confronted him and demanded the truth. (if it isn't already obvious enough)

[Cat1864]

OK first of all, I wasn't intending to snoop on his phone but he asked me to set an alarm on his phone and that's when a suspicious text popped up. I was planning on ignoring but I couldn't get it out of my head. So one night I just wanted to find out the context of the messages and that's when I found a ton of messages between him and other men. As well as naked pics sent back and forth. They are about a month and a half old but we were definitely together when it was going on. Should I just let it go?

I am hesitant to say that he has done anything wrong without a bit more background. This is also to give you a different way to look at the situation.

May I ask how old you both are? How long have you known him? How long have you been a couple? How long after seeing the 'suspicious' text did you 'snoop'?

These days so many people rush from just meeting into being in a committed relationship without taking time to actually have a couple of dates or spending time getting to know each other. Some people count the first date as the beginning of being of a monogamous couple. Sometimes individuals have different concepts of when 'being committed to each other' begins. Could this be part of what has occurred in your relationship?

What I am trying to determine is if there was an expectation of commitment to each other at the time of his communications with others. If you had just started seeing each other, then he may not have been as involved in the relationship at the time as you were. Since the communications have apparently stopped (no recent texts,) he may now be at the same point of commitment that you are.

For him, those texts may count as past relationships. Something he was casually pursuing when he met you. Something he has let go to be with you.

Are you interested in being in a relationship with him? Seeing how the emotions and the relationship develop? If so, then explain what happened and discuss what happens next. As much as you might feel betrayed by his texts, he may feel the same about the invasion of privacy. If both of you can work trough this then you may have a stronger relationship. If you can't then it is better to let go before you end up hurting each other more than you may have. Talk with him and listen to him like you want him to listen to you.

Another thing for you to think about is that his past is his past and he cannot change it (you can ask about his past, but if doesn't want to talk, don't try to make him.) If you have issues with what he may or may not have done before getting involved with you, you either need to accept it is part of what makes him the person he is at this point in time or walk away.

Good luck.

[odinn7]

Would you be more upset if they were naked pictures of women?

I kind of think I'd be furious either way and would want to know why and what's going on.

But that's just me.

[smoothy]

I'm curious how you can accidentaly go from setting an alarm to finding texts and files if you weren't snooping. So lets just stop pretending about what you intended to do and just admit it. You wanted to snoop.

I'm not defending him if he was... just that there are things called boundries. Some boundries even a wife would get in trouble for crossing... and being only a girlfriend those that you can cross are far fewer in number that those a wife could reasonibly expect.

Even if he wasn't doing anything to be hidden... its an action that chips away at the relationship.

Would you be upset if he was rummaging through your underwear drawer... or rooting through your purse when you was in the next room? I'd think you would be, and rightfully so.

Personally I don't know why ANYONE would send another naked pictures of themselves... man or woman... too many of them find their way to the internet where once released into the wild... are out there forever. Usually after the relationship goes bad and its out of revenge.

[talaniman]

You simply should have questioned him about the "suspicious" texts when you "found" them while supposedly setting an alarm. Then your curiosity wouldn't have you sneaking around.

It's not too late to come clean, and hopefully he can too, but ASK, don't confront. Its all about getting facts, and not just having feelings. You opened this can of worms so navigate thru it properly. Or leave if you cannot handle it.

[RonDeRoma]

You found out that he is sexting it doesn't matter how you found out what matters is the fact that he's being unfaithful