[Frustrated11]

I have been dating a man 56 years old with ED. He has never been able to make love to me. It always includes some kind of bondage or me dressing up, etc. I am not satisfied with the sex that I do get. He seems to be unable to ejaculate, which frustrates him, unless he masturbates.

I am a nice looking woman, and am sexually open. It makes me feel badly not to be able to satisfy him. I am wondering if this is normal in older men, or he can only get excited by what I sometimes feel not to be lovemaking, but a fantasy.

Any input would be helpful!

[joypulv]

Out of a billion men in the world, there are so many varieties of normal, unusual, a little to very weird, and totally abnormal that it's almost impossible to say. I'd say that this man is just somewhere between unusual and a bit weird. His ED may have led him to try to find ways to cure it with fantasy, or the proclivities may have been there all along, who knows. He may not know how it all started. There is no reason to take it as a reflection on your attractiveness. TALK with him, and suggest that he get his testosterone levels checked.

[Jake2008]

I agree with Joy.

Want to add that his fantasy world works for him, but I don't think it's working for you.

His needs are met, and yours are not in other words.

If you keep on doing what he needs, and he isn't addressing your needs, then the dominant partner relationship will continue. Why wouldn't it. He wants, you give. A little unfair and off balance there.

For him to change, he has to see that imbalance, and both of you need to address it. Remaining silent won't change anything.

[J_9]

Fetishes are common, and even normal in some relationships. They are normal when both parties receive the attention desired. In your case, however, you are on the giving end. You are not receiving the same amount of gratification that he is, and that is selfish of him.

You don't say how long you are seeing this man, but if it's a fairly recent relationship it's probably time to move on as he sounds very greedy from what you have posted.

If this is a long term relationship, it's time to sit down and have a heart-to-heart about giving and receiving in an equal fashion. What is going on, as you explain it here, is completely and totally unfair to you as a sex partner.

You mention bondage. Is he the dominant one or does he expect you to be?

[Frustrated11]

This is a newer relationship.. all make sense here.. I appreciate your answers!