[Sinquisitive]

I'm not saying you should keep self-harming or that it's okay or an acceptable way to deal with your pain, but I know it's not easy to stop, so I'm going to give you some practical advice for in the meantime while you try to get up the courage to seek help.

First of all, make yourself a first-aid kit. Alcohol swabs, antibiotic ointment, band-aids of different shapes and sizes (butterfly bandages work best for deeper cuts like the one you mentioned- they hold it together so it bleeds less and heals properly), gauze and medical tape. Keep unused and sterile razor blades at the BOTTOM of the first aid kit. (Never, EVER use a razor blade that has already been used.)

After you have all these things in some sort of box, keep a note on top of it all that says something along the lines of "I am a beautiful, intelligent, awesome person, and I will not let the world treat me like I'm anything less. Whatever I am dealing with right now will not last forever. I am strong and I will make it out of this rough time, and I will make an amazing life for myself, even if I can't see that now. I will be happy and loved and I will not always be hurt and sad. I have friends and I have family (and pets, if you have them) that love me, even if they do not understand me, and I am not alone. Things will get better. And there is always someone willing to talk here: 1-800-273-8255 (suicide prevention hotline for the US- if you live outside the US, put the appropriate number here- you can call anytime and someone will be there to listen to you and give you advice if you need it.)" You can add other things that make you feel good to this letter like inspirational quotes or pictures of your loved ones, but don't put ANYTHING negative in it. The trick is to read this to yourself EVERY time you feel like you might want to cut. Every single time. This will give you some time to think and to calm down and will hopefully make you want to cut less.

However, if that doesn't work, now you have a way to take care of your wounds in a way that is much more safe and less likely to get you infected. If you ever have a cut that won't stop bleeding, see a doctor- I don't care how scared you are of being caught, go see a doctor. Your life is worth more than your fear of peoples' judgment. If you ever have a wound that isn't healing, that is red, hot, swollen, oozing pus- again, go see a doctor. Better to be forced into telling your parents about your bad habit than losing a limb or your life.

I wish you the best of luck in healing- both physically and emotionally. And I really do hope you find the courage to talk to someone and to get help dealing with whatever is going on in your life. I promise you that no matter how hard it seems now, it will get better, and you will learn to move forward with your life and cope with things in a healthier way, even if it seems impossible to you right now. There are some really great people out there who will be willing to listen to you and help you find the right path. Getting help doesn't ever make you weak and you should never be ashamed, no matter what anyone says- even your parents. Hurting and trying to deal with that hurt on your own by self-harming does not make you crazy and does not mean you need to be in a mental institution, it just means that you need help dealing with things going on in your life that are overwhelming you and have been out of your control. You're just a strong young woman going through a tough time. Don't ever let anyone tell you any different.

Good luck, and take care.