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babyblue35 · Oct 1, 2013, 01:06 AM

My ex recently contacted me after 5 years. I'm married with 2 more kids now, and he knows that. We had a good relationship and only stopped seeing each other because some of his family did not approve of our relationship.

He was married to my cousin but I had not seen any of them for almost 20 years. Now he is calling out of the blue. Said he still loves me and misses me and wants to see me. Does he want me back or to just catch up?

He is a really great guy and I do still love him. My marriage sucks and my husband is abusive. Should I talk to my ex and see what happens?

joypulv · Oct 1, 2013, 04:37 AM

We don't know what he wants. How could we? He's the only one so far who knows. Ask him! I'd be forthright with someone I was married to.
You have had two more children in 5 years with an abusive husband? Or longer? It's not clear what the time spans are.

User80 · Oct 1, 2013, 04:38 AM

I say YOLO! If your husband is abusive go and perhaps this is a sign to get away from your husband everything happens for a reason!

babyblue35 · Oct 1, 2013, 05:32 AM

Me n the ex were together for only about6 months. I already had 3 kids. Met my husband n 2008. I have 5 all together. Do u think my ex wants me back? He said he wanted to make sure I'm OK. I have not stopped thinking about him for the last 5 years.

Jake2008 · Oct 1, 2013, 05:38 AM

No- don't contact him in any way, shape or form.

How can you say you love somebody when you haven't seen or heard from them in years.

The person you should be talking to is your husband. If your marriage is as bad as you say it is, and you are forced to end it because of abuse, then deal with that. Coping with a split and all that goes along with that, particularly the effect on the children, has to be your only priority.

Jumping from one man to the other, will cause problems. Again, the children have to come first, and helping them cope with the inevitable changes- new home, school, friends, etc. will be difficult enough, without a new 'daddy' in their lives.

And what kind of man contacts a married woman with a family, and professes love in the first place.

To meet up with him is asking for trouble.

joypulv · Oct 1, 2013, 06:34 AM

You have asked twice now if you think your ex wants you back, when we can't possibly know.
There seems to be lots of communication lacking between you and your ex and you and your husband, and the lives of 5 children are at stake.
And only six months? Of course he's professing love for you, and you haven't stopped thinking about him. That's not enough time to see anyone's flaws. You say you broke up because of 'some' of his family. That's pretty weak. Is he an ex boyfriend or ex husband?

babyblue35 · Oct 1, 2013, 06:47 AM

He is the ex of one of my cousins. I had not seen any of them and about 20 years. But I know he is a wonderful man. Very sweet. Loving dad that raised his kids on his own after my cousin ran off with another man and left them. My family knew his for years before I wan born. I know he really does love me. We never fought, even when we broke up.
My husband is an abusive alcoholic that hits me when he drinks. He even would sit and the parking lot and drink when we were going to marriage counseling. I have left SO many times and talked until I'm blue and the face, I don't think he will ever change.

It was his mother that didn't want us to see each other. He asks my family about me all the time and this is the second time he has contacted me.

joypulv · Oct 1, 2013, 07:06 AM

It's clear now that you know how you feel about all this, and are here more for validation that's it's OK, than you are asking to hear any opposite views. So do what you think is right, but please, try to think of your 5 children, and think carefully before you have more if you go back to your ex.

babyblue35 · Oct 1, 2013, 07:09 AM

Thanks. I really needed someone to talk to about the whole situation.

Homegirl 50 · Oct 1, 2013, 07:12 AM

You only dated the guy 6 months and you have been away from him 5 years.
You think about him because you are in a bad situation. Maybe he is just concerned about your life, but what you need to be doing is working on getting out of this abusive marriage and taking care of your kids. If your husband is abusive, the last thing you need to be doing is bringing an ex into the mix. No, don't call him. You have enough on your plate to deal with.

User80 · Oct 1, 2013, 08:35 AM

One thing is very clear you need to leave your husband NOW! He's not going to change! I watched this with a coworker she was with an alcoholic we all kept telling her to leave him! Although he didn't physically abuse her he mentally abused her she STAYED in the hospital cause stress will kill you! If you love your children you will leave him as far as your ex take it slow! Let me say this again LEAVE YOUR HUSBAND he will not change!

babyblue35 · Oct 1, 2013, 08:49 AM

We been stayn at my moms. The kids and myself, that is

Homegirl 50 · Oct 1, 2013, 09:32 AM

Going from one man to another is insane at this time. You need to get your life together before you even think about another man. This is not just about you. You have children to consider.

talaniman · Oct 1, 2013, 10:50 AM

You don't need the distraction of high hopes, or an immediate feel good at this time when you should be handling your business and not wondering what his intentions are.

Yes you have fond memories, but the chances of another relationship, that you have no clue of is rather impulsive considering you are still married and in limbo about your future. The last thing you need is to get latched on false hope that he is the answer to your dreams, and problems.

Handle your business and see how you feel when you are NOT so desperate to jump into a new relationship, while in a failed relationship, with a guy who you failed at a relationship with before.

Makes no sense at all.

babyblue35 · Oct 1, 2013, 11:07 AM

U must not have read all the posts talaniman. This was not a failed relationship I had with the ex

talaniman · Oct 1, 2013, 12:04 PM

It most certainly was if it could not endure the wishes of his mother. She made it fail because it was not strong enough not too. He went on to marry another, and so did you, and both failed.

Trust me, handle your business and don't act on the pure emotions you feel, and I don't care about the really good guy who raised his kids because that doesn't matter. You are making him the knight in shining armor, to save you from a drunk abusive husband. Bet he started as a knight too, but 2 kids later not so shiny. That problem is far from over, though you have left him.

5 kids are the priority, and they have been through enough dysfunction, and instability.