[AutumnDawn]

I need help because my husbands jealousy is getting out of hand. I will start from the beinging when we first got married my van broke down with me and my youngest son in it I did not have a cell phone because we were broke and I was a stay at home mom of 4. So the van breaks down about 2 1/2 miles from the house and I carry our 1 year old son the hole way home and he freaks out saying where the hell where you I tried to explain it got me know where fast. Then it just progressed to where if we were at the river I would wear the darkest sun glasses that I could find because even if my head turned in the direction of a half way descent guy then I would be in trouble we would have to leave because he would yell in front of every one. That behavior continued for about 5 years of our marriage. I went to school to better our family and it got worse, I got a job, it got worse till about 2 years ago when it just blew and it got physical. I love my husband with all of my heart and would never never cheat. So we end up in councling which made things better till about now. My sisters birthday was a few weekends ago and she turned 35 and really wanted me to come because I have never been out with her at all and considering we were fine and I thought he was over all of this crazyness I asked him and he said sure I trust you especially with your sister. I think that was a flat a** lie because last night after the game I text our oldest son and he said who are you texting the guy you met when you went out with your sister and he said I can't do this its over. What did I do? I have loved him so much that I have bent over backwards to stay married and after every thing he said its over. I love him with all of my heart. What do I do?

[Jake2008]

His jealousy masks insecurity and fear. His anger manisfests both those things, because he does not know how to manage his anger. If he knew that, he would be able to express why he feels insecure and fearful.

It is also, thinking along those lines, his way of making sure, through controlling, intimidating actions and words, that that what he fears most- losing his possessions- you and the children, is an easy way to make himself feel better.

Why? Because you take it.

Men like this need to be held accountable for their behavior. If he is insecure and jealous, and shows anger, and you keep trying to make things better, and smooth the waters, the behavior will not stop. In fact, it will get worse.

Anything you do may become something else for him to be angry over- you becoming better educated, you visiting your sister.

Him suspecting you of 'once again' cheating on him- when you were texting your own son- and then blaming you for finally causing him enough grief, and telling you it's over- well, that is plain ridiculous.

It should be the other way around.

And what kind of example of a man, is he presenting to his sons. And what kind of example specifically is he teaching his sons about women. Not to mention their own sense of security and feeling helpless when you and your husband do battle.

And, not unexpectedly, he's finally hit you.

If counseling didn't work, and he resorted to his usual patterns of controlling behavior afterward, it was by choice. He had options- more counseling, groups, such as anger management. He could research and truthfully face the cold hard truth about his behavior easily even through Google.

This is not a loving relationship. You may love him, maybe who he was, or who he could be, but clearly that is not enough.

For the sake of your children, I urge you to end this relationship, before they too are directly in the line of fire from a man out of control.

[N0help4u]

If he don't know you by now, he will never never never know you. You thought counseling fixed him but it just filed his issues away for a layer time. There is no fixing him. You need to break away for the sake of your sanity. It's going to be like the movie groundhog day the rest of your life if you don't. You are being mentally and emotionally abused. Gather up a random bunch of women that left their abusive partner and guarantee MANY of them will say I love him BUT...

[Homegirl 50]

Leave him, for yourself and your children. This will not get better, especially since he has hit you. Your children are watching this mess, they are learning from this mess.