[Raelj25]

My boyfriend gets angry easily and has broken objects and punched walls before. The other day we had an argument and he said if it had been anyone else he was talking to he would have smashed their face in so it was lucky it was just me. Is this normal behaviour and am I blowing it out of proportion by being worried? He said I had blown it all out of proportion.

[bigdee]

This is not normal behavior to me. He even indirectly threatened you. He has anger management issues. There may be one day in the future where he does "lose it" on you. Does he get into physical fights with others often?

Anyway it sounds like he needs some (professional) help to manage his anger.

[tickle]

There is potential there for violence towards you. No, you are not blowing it out of proportion. This is not the man for you. I would suggest getting out while you still have yourself respect and all of your body parts.

[mogrann]

I see emotional abuse here. He has you worried about the physical abuse. It us up to you if you stay or not but realize that without professional help it will increase in the threats and possibly physical abuse.

[Homegirl 50]

He scared you didn't he? That is emotional abuse and one day he is likely to let go and hit you. He is not stable. You don't just break things and punch walls. I'd walk away from this yesterday.

[N0help4u]

He is minimizing his behavior to make you more accepting of it. It only gets worse.

[Homegirl 50]

Men who anger easily, who punch walls and break things are not good ones to get involved with. They are unstable in my opinion.

[Cat1864]

I know it isn't easy hearing the advice to walk away. We aren't there and seeing the good times. You are probably running those moments and the words of love through your mind as you read the posts. The reason I bring that up is because I don't want you to suddenly feel a need to defend him.

Of course there have been good times, you wouldn't still be with him or questioning yourself if there weren't. However, those good times and his 'love' are not worth living in fear of saying the wrong thing, doing something he doesn't like, giving up being yourself to keep him from exploding... You should be walking on sunshine and rose petals not tiptoeing on eggshells.

I highly suggest walking away before his behavior escalates again. Do what is needed to let the past and him go. Learn to trust your own thoughts and feelings again. Rebuild your self-confidence.

Love yourself more than he says he loves you.

[talaniman]

This is normal only if you consider having untreated anger management issues and lack of impulse control normal. Is it abuse? No, but a red flag that it won't be long until it is.

The longer you allow it, the worse it will become unless some type of intervention happens. Put your safety first and as Cat said, don't be swayed by the good times, because there is likely to be less of them in the future unless he seeks help.

I doubt he thinks he needs it, or is willing to get it. ANOTHER HUGE RED FLAG!!

[Jake2008]

Being angry is a perfectly normal emotion for people to feel. Even being very angry.

Being angry over something that went wrong at work, or angry over getting a flat tire, or anger over being mistreated by a boss, or neighbor, or children, is normal.

Where anger is not controlled, and restraint is not evident, and the anger turns into an uncontrolled rage, is NOT normal.

It is also a form of controlling behavior. If an angry person is losing an argument, or more likely, knows he's losing face, or has been caught off guard with the truth, the end of the argument is also winning the argument. Punching walls and other intimidating behavior, ends the argument because clearly the point is, the punch is an indirect hit to you to stop.

An adult who 'wins' arguments by acts of intimidation or violence (in their mind), is a dangerous person. There are no stops. No maturity evident where the angry person realizes how angry they are. No walking away to cool off. Reasonable arguing that starts to get ugly, should mean both parties agree to stop.

There is no 'reason' to justify ones' out of control anger, particularly toward another person by intimidation, other than blaming the other person for causing it. There is also no justifying out of control anger by saying that how their anger was perceived, was way out of proportion.

I don't personally believe that people just 'snap' and break things, beat up children, and pummel their partners. Can you imagine a world where this is considered normal, everyday behavior? Usually this kind of anger is hidden where others cannot see it, behind closed doors. Not in the bank lineup, where the cops would immediately be called, or the grocery store, or in a theatre.

With what you have described, I don't think it's possible to have a normal relationship with this man. In fact, it is likely to get worse, and you are setting yourself up by choosing to have anything to do with him.