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james101 · Sep 16, 2013, 02:17 AM

I found out the other day a few months after my ex broke up with me that she thought about breaking up with me a few weeks before she did. She thought about it cause she suspected me of cheating even when I didn't and I treated her like gold when we were dating.

I don't get why she would think that especially when we were dating. I always told her if I was going somewhere, and where I was going and who I was with all the time.

joypulv · Sep 16, 2013, 03:02 AM

Oh who knows? It may not be true, especially if you heard it from gossip. She may be just saying that because her friends said she was a fool for breaking up with you. She may be totally mistrustful of any boyfriend who isn't in her presence, very common as a teen, and even later on, and all the honesty in the world doesn't make it better. She may be lying to cover up for regret. She may be mad that you aren't suffering as much as she thinks you should, and is punishing you.
Should I go on, or is that enough?
If I had to guess, I'd go with the 'always mistrustful of anyone.' Mistrust is part of a huge quagmire of jealousy, possessiveness, insecurity, and control. Trust is a very complicated emotion requiring a lot of maturity. Sometimes we invent reasons to mistrust, and other times we trust when evidence to mistrust is right in front of us, or we don't know someone well enough to trust. It's complicated!

Teen existence is difficult enough without trying to learn all there is to learn (a lifetime to learn) about intimate relationships.
What am I saying? As Yogi might say, it's half of being a teen, and the other half is breaking away from parents, and the other half is wondering what you will do as an adult.

james101 · Sep 16, 2013, 04:49 AM

Originally Posted by joypulv

Oh who knows? It may not be true, especially if you heard it from gossip. She may be just saying that because her friends said she was a fool for breaking up with you. She may be totally mistrustful of any boyfriend who isn't in her presence, very common as a teen, and even later on, and all the honesty in the world doesn't make it better. She may be lying to cover up for regret. She may be mad that you aren't suffering as much as she thinks you should, and is punishing you.
Should I go on, or is that enough?
If I had to guess, I'd go with the 'always mistrustful of anyone.' Mistrust is part of a huge quagmire of jealousy, possessiveness, insecurity, and control. Trust is a very complicated emotion requiring a lot of maturity. Sometimes we invent reasons to mistrust, and other times we trust when evidence to mistrust is right in front of us, or we don't know someone well enough to trust. It's complicated!

Teen existence is difficult enough without trying to learn all there is to learn (a lifetime to learn) about intimate relationships.
What am I saying? As Yogi might say, it's half of being a teen, and the other half is breaking away from parents, and the other half is wondering what you will do as an adult.

well I know its not gossip cause what my friend told me is my ex said something only my ex would know which was about me hanging out and seeing a movie with my friend

N0help4u · Sep 16, 2013, 05:22 AM

If friend you saw a movie with was female that is enough to have your ex call you a cheater.

joypulv · Sep 16, 2013, 06:31 AM

So it wasn't gossip - that was ONE idea. Apparently the rest of what I spent my free time writing didn't count for much of anything.

Homegirl 50 · Sep 16, 2013, 07:34 AM

Who knows. Have you asked her, or ask the person who told you.

james101 · Sep 16, 2013, 07:01 PM

Originally Posted by N0help4u

If friend you saw a movie with was female that is enough to have your ex call you a cheater.

Well its obvious I wasn't with how I was with my ex and how clear I made it with how much I loved her and her I had a talk about it after wards

Originally Posted by Homegirl 50

Who knows. Have you asked her, or ask the person who told you.

I want to ask her and talk to her but we haven't really been talking cause she doesn't seem to want to talk to me

Homegirl 50 · Sep 16, 2013, 07:05 PM

Why did she break up with you? What reason did she give you? I think I'd believe her rather than what someone else has told you

james101 · Sep 16, 2013, 09:28 PM

Originally Posted by Homegirl 50

Why did she break up with you? What reason did she give you? I think I'd believe her rather than what someone else has told you

Well I believe them cause what they were telling me is something only my ex knew about. And the reasons she gave was she didn't miss me and wasn't thinking about me and long after that when I talked to her a week and a bit ago like a month in a half after the fact she said something about us moving to fast and her changing and not wanting a relationship...

N0help4u · Sep 16, 2013, 09:39 PM

No matter what her thinking or reasoning. You are left with where things are. All you can do is move on and leave the past in the past. It doesn't seem that she wants to fix anything in any way.

Homegirl 50 · Sep 17, 2013, 05:17 AM

Those are the reasons she gave you and that is what you need to accept. She left you. That is the bottom line .Tme to deal with it and move on. Why would this friend be telling you this stuff any way. What's done is done.

joypulv · Sep 17, 2013, 07:31 AM

I'd like to suggest some more time to mature. Your previous posts, and your concrete, plodding answers here, indicate an 18 year old who could use more awareness.

talaniman · Sep 17, 2013, 08:23 AM

One of the problems about break ups that suck the most, are the unanswered questions that cannot be answered or even understood until much later. Don't dwell on it any longer my friend, because it doesn't matter any longer.

Push through this and stop being turned inside out by everyone's take on it. Fact is her feelings changed about the relationship. And you got the short end of the stick. Feelings change, as do priorities.

Break ups always suck, and there are a million reasons. So don't let yourself be stuck on why.