[Furious1]

My husband and I have been married for about 5 years an known each other for 7. When I met my husband, and before we were serious, we talked about our past relationships. It was then that he told me about his first girlfriend in college. He told me that they had lived together for a summer, and broken up before school started in the fall. I never dug into the details because I didn't care since I was not that into him. I, on the other hand, had never had a relationship or one where I was intimate with anyone. We talked a lot and pretty soon I realized that I had stopped talking to other men and was just left with him. Once I realized that I liked him about 3 months later, I seriously asked him about his prior relationship. This was when he began to be really evasive. Through the years, I have asked him, and he claims to not remember her name, what she looked like, or even what year they lived together. Recently, I asked him and this time, he absolutely does not know what I'm talking about except there was a girl in his past. I'm a hormonal 6 months pregnant woman. I work at least 50 hours a week in a highly stressful field. I also have 2 toddler boys that I do not get to see as much as I would like because of our work schedules. So I snapped. I contacted one of his college buddies an asked him for the ex girlfirend's name. He told me. He also sent me a bunch of pictures of my husband in college and at drunken parties. There were topless girls and quite frankly, really ugly girls that were all over him. I felt pretty disgusted. I told him that I found his ex's name and if it would refresh his recollection, he can take a look at his year books and finally be able to share his past with me. My husband then dug through his boxes and burned the yearbooks, refused to acknowledge any memories of the events in the photographs and denied any recollection of his girlfriend. I find this to be really suspicious behaviour. I became enraged. I haven't spoken to him anymore about it, but every time I think about it, I get very angry and disgusted and I don't want to be with him. I hate feeling this way. Sometimes, I just want to kick him out an he can have his secret memories, but I love my children too much. I also love my husband. I just hate his secrecy and very disgusted by his choice of woman. I know that had we met in college, I would have never liked him.

[Wondergirl]

Wow! Those hormones!

How many years ago did all this happen? (That was a rhetorical question.) I'm guessing he isn't being invasive, but honestly can't remember. All this was before you. Plus, he married YOU.

[Jake2008]

You need to get a grip here.

For some strange reason you have decided that your husband of five years was keeping secrets from you about a past relationship- at least 7 years ago. What exactly did he do wrong? Him not remembering was probably an easy out for him, because if he did, you would have continued with the third degree.

Contacting his old college friend? I get the impression that the college friend had no idea why you wanted information on this long ago relationship. Maybe he thought the pictures would give you both a good laugh.

I get annoyed with excuses for bad behavior being caused by 'hormones' or 'stress' - really? Were you like this with the first two children? Why on earth would you have a third if you get so out of whack, and put yourself and your husband through grief! Likely 'hormones' and 'stress' displayed as you have toward your husband, isn't likely the same angry behavior you have with your co-workers.

I feel sorry for your husband having to put up with this nonsense. His past is his past- it belongs to him, not to you. Especially not for you to judge and execute his character for something so ancient.

You are quite 'entitled', is my opinion. Carrying on like a jealous teenager over something that is no concern of yours. The angry, negative, irrational tone of your post shows you need some serious reality checks.

You need to apologize to your husband.

[joypulv]

I think you need some serious help. This is off the wall.
Secret memories? He was apparently drunk much of the time. What does it matter how ugly some women 'all over him' when drunk were? Would you be happier if they were attractive? If he remembers anything, he probably wishes he DIDN'T! It is illogical to assume that his trashing his yearbooks is a sign of wanting to treasure some wonderful memories and keep them all to himself.

'Sharing' our past relationships can get out of hand. I don't subscribe to it at all. You seem to think it's a given.

At the practical, concrete level, for someone who doesn't have time for her toddlers, you sure are spending a lot of time, even if multi-tasking time, not to mention emotionally draining energy, on this ridiculous obsession. You are going to ruin 5 lives if you don't force yourself to stop, or get help seeing how insane this is.

[N0help4u]

Leave the past in the past, it was even before you. Thank God it wasn't that he cheated on you and see you are blessed that he chose you. Live in the now, working on building what you DO have. Do not bring it up any more. When you have the urge to say anything replace it with something like, "I count my lucky stars that I am blessed to have you"