[Jack12345]

Hello, I need help. I am way too jealous. I have had a girlfriend for over a year and I would give up anything for her (I know, blegggg). I just have one problem and I’m not trying to blame it on her, there are some things she has done/said that I do think have contributed to it, but I am in no way trying to blame it on her. I get jealous over everything. More specifically: her clothes, celebrities, a few of the choices she makes, a card game (yeah, random), and the obvious one, just guys in general. Surprisingly, I don’t get jealous over her hanging out with her friends like a lot of people, but I do worry a lot when she is with her friends.

Her friends: Sure I like spending time with my girlfriend and yeah I get sad when she’s with her friends, but it’s a healthy sad, like the same kind of sad I feel whenever she is away. I just want to make it clear right now that I am not jealous of her hanging out with her friends.

Her clothes: To be quite frank, I find most of her clothes slutty. I am more conservative on the clothing side, no I don’t freak out when I see girls’ ankles, but I do expect shorts to be longer than 8 or 9 inches (my girlfriends average short length is about 7 inches). Personally, I feel like girls (and guys alike) should wear their best/sluttiest clothes with their boyfriend/girlfriend/wife/husband (unless single) and dress more average or at least not like a slut in front of other people. I do respect that she wants to look nice in front of people and that’s fine with me, but I just feel like over 80% of her wardrobe isn’t appropriate in public. Not just shorts that are super short and show half her butt and underwear, but also dresses that if she pulls them down slightly, they show half her breasts and vise versa for when she pulls it up a bit.

The celebrities: I am going to be that guy right now who I’m sure none of you will believe, but I honestly only think that my girlfriend is hot/cute/sexy whether you include celebrities or not. I have never had any celebrity crushes and ever since I met my girlfriend, I was only attracted to her. I just don’t understand why she doesn’t feel the same whether it’s that she has a celebrity crush or that she just thinks some guy is hot. Don’t get me wrong, she is very serious about our relationship, but just is different than me in this category. And yes, I know this and all of the things that I have listed are very stupid and pointless to worry/be jealous over, but I am jealous and I want/need help.

The card game: There is this card game that she enjoys playing and this is probably the stupidest thing that I get jealous over at all. First off, my girlfriend does not exclude me from this game, she always invites me to play, but I think the game is stupid, so I never do. It is a game that has sexual meanings and even though you don’t take clothes off or anything like that, I still personally feel like I only ever want to do anything even remotely sexual with my girlfriend and no one else. I know, this is so stupid and you are probably laughing at me right now, but that's why I’m asking for help, all of these things are stupid and I recognize that, but I want help to be less jealous, I want to be a better boyfriend and I can do that by being less jealous.

There are plenty more details that I could give and specific situations, but I don’t want to waste any more of your time than I already have. By the way, I have already tried talking to my girlfriend about these things and that helps for a while, but the feelings always come back and I don’t want to keep annoying her just so se can reassure me about stupid little things. I have also tried writing them down and re-reading them to myself, and also punching a punching bag…and too much free time is not the reason either with 4-5 hours of homework a night, friends, hobbies, and sports. Thank you so much for reading this, as you can see, I really need help, I just always feel so stupid and mad at myself over these things because I don’t want to get jealous over things like this and it makes me mad/sad that I do. Thanks!

[Oliver2011]

Jealousy is not attractive and it will eventually ruin your relationship.You need to learn to trust more. And honestly to be jealous over the most petty things is a waste of time and energy. To not allow her to enjoy what she wants to enjoy is very controlling and it can lead to many problems in the future. If I was in a relationship whereas the person had a list of things I needed to change I would give that person the boot.

So you have some choices. Continue the jealousy and lose her and probably every future girlfriend. Or learn how to trust and learn how to be less controlling. She may tolerate this for a while, but eventually it will become a drain on her.

[Homegirl 50]

You need to get some counseling. You don't sound emotionally healthy enough to be in a relationship. Have you always been this way? Is this your first girlfriend?
Jealosy is an ugly thing.It destrys relationships and things you are concerned with make no sense. I'm surprised she has stayed with you this long.

[talaniman]

It's not that you have the feelings, it's what you do with them that counts, so watch what you say and do when you have those feelings and give yourself time to think before you act or speak.

Often it takes years of practicing self control to gain better control, so don't beat yourself up because you are not perfect, because you have only been exposed to these things a year or so and are still finding ways to adjust to them.

You are already half way there because you recognize the issues and are willing to work on them, so add a bit of patience to your toolbox of coping skills, and practice it. Everyone has personal issues to work on my friend, but you can only work on yours. Be patient with their flaws, as you work on yours.

[destroyah]

Don't listen to all these bozos... jealousy means you care. Keep protecting your relationship and your woman. I don't agree with the celebrity and clothing issues you have with her but I strongly agree with you keeping other dudes the away from her. Good luck!

[Wondergirl]

If you are jealous, it means you are insecure. "Protecting your woman" doesn't mean keeping other men away from her. If anything, that will drive her into their arms.

[Homegirl 50]

Jealousy does not mean you care. It is insecurity and you need to get a handle on it. You have lost her because of jealousy

[Oliver2011]

How bad must a relationship be when you have to keep other "dudes" away from her. Not recognizing how bad jealously is to a relationship might suggest to the intelligent world that you have no clue how to have a meaningful relationship.