[natjosh]

And that will be good for the kids how?

What you mean ? Moving out or staying wouldn't be Google for kids?? Moving out was an option because there is so much fighting and arguing wishes his kids and we have a baby that I don't want him raised around all the fighting and chaos. His kids are also jealous because my son has me , his mother and they don't . I bond wishes them but soon as I have to tell them what to do or not to do something they flip...

[Wondergirl]

soon as i have to tell them what to do or not to do something they flip......

Harshness Alert

I have gotten the feeling you are contributing to some of the chaos by how you are managing the children. You have become just another child and end up fighting and arguing. That's why I suggested you and your boyfriend find a counselor and figure out how to communicate with each other and be on the same page regarding the kids, and then parent them so the chaos disappears.

For instance, you have no status with his children, Therefore, you cannot TELL them what to do. As you have seen, it doesn't work that way. But there IS a way to make your blended family work.

[natjosh]

Harshness Alert

I have gotten the feeling you are contributing to some of the chaos by how you are t the children. You have become just another child and end up fighting and arguing. That's why I suggested you and your boyfriend find a counselor and figure out how to communicate with each other and be on the same page regarding the kids, and then parent them so the chaos disappears.

For instance, you have no status with his children,. Therefore, you cannot. WTELL them what to do. As you have seen, it doesn't work that way. But there IS a way to make your blended family work.

Well all the kids know were the boss and they must listen. The boys aren't nearly half as bad as his daughter . I know its her age and hormones too but I came even say anything to her. Ex:she was whining because she was playing game of football with the boys and when boys made a touchdown, she started yelling that its not fair and on and on n on..,. I just said in normal tone to stop whining , that's the name of the game ! Each team tries to get touchdowns.. you came play if your going to get mad each time they score. That's what their supposed to do. Were at the park and she started yelling she hates me and I always yell at her and told her dad I was up there' being ssooo mean to her!! She totally lied her off! I didn't even yell. I told her. She's extremely immature for her age. Its very obvious and she can't play games with other kids or anything . Shell very selfish and has poor socialization skills... she's a brat! There... il say it. Call me mean or whatever but she a brat.. very mouthy and disrespectful!!

[Wondergirl]

wen boys made a touchdown ,, she started yelling that its not fair and on n on n on...,. I just said in normal tone to stop whining , that's the name of the game !

She's mouthy and disrespectful because you lead her in that direction. I would have been mouthy and disrespectful (and you would have too) had someone said that to me.

Why couldn't you have empathized with her -- "Yup, it really seems unfair about those touchdowns, doesn't it" That would have given her a chance to express herself better than just yelling at you and acting out.

Do you ever play with these kids and have fun, or are you the great disciplinarian who is always riding herd on them?

[talaniman]

Why are you putting this added stress of a time limit to leave on yourself? What's that all about?

I say just make a decision to leave and be done with it and forget all this emotional back and forth, since neither of the adults seem to be able to run this household one because you both have issue with each others children, and YOU obviously resent HIS kids for changing your home.

I just don't think you guys work well together under pressure despite the good qualities you both have. Blending a family is a huge endeavor, and you two just don't have the unity, or patience to do it. And obviously you cannot just hang in and keep working.

So this experiment has FAILED. Back up, start over. There is no mutual commitment or plan,
just the chaos him and his children have caused. LEAVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yeah it was great when it was just you, him, YOUR kid and a baby (How old I that baby?), but add his older kids in the mix, everything has changed and moved you out of your comfort zone. Ain't what you contracted for is it? So just leave and be done with the chaos.

Maybe you both can get it together later, but for now, its best if you get it together apart.

[Oliver2011]

Harshness Alert

I have gotten the feeling you are contributing to some of the chaos by how you are managing the children. You have become just another child and end up fighting and arguing. That's why I suggested you and your boyfriend find a counselor and figure out how to communicate with each other and be on the same page regarding the kids, and then parent them so the chaos disappears.

For instance, you have no status with his children,. Therefore, you cannot TELL them what to do. As you have seen, it doesn't work that way. But there IS a way to make your blended family work.

I 100% agree. But whatelse is new?

[natjosh]

Well all the kids know were the boss and they must listen. the boys aren't nearly half as bad as his daughter . i know its her age and hormones too but i came even say anything to her. ex:she was whining because she was playing game of football with the t and wen boys made a touchdown ,, she started yelling that its not fair and on n on n on...,. I just said in normal tone to stop whining , that's the name of the game ! Each team tries to get touchdowns.. you came play if ur gonna get mad each time they score. that's what their supposed to do. were at the park and she started yelling she hates me and i always yell at her and told her dad i was up there' being ssooo mean to her!!!! She totally lied her off!! I didn't even yell. i told her. shes extremely immature for her age. its very obvious and she can't play games with other kids or anything . shell very selfish and has poor socialization skills... she's a brat!! There... il say it. call me mean or whatever but she a brat.. very mouthy and disrespectful !!!

His boys aren't as pouty as she is.and they don't freak out yelling just cause I tell them to do something.. they may sigh and mumble under their breath but nothing like the girl . She hates being told when to do and constantly complains. She's mean . Always tries to act bossy to the boys and hits them and yells at them. I'm telling you she's a brat! I been around tons of kids and she's a selfish mouthy little girl! Every one (adults ) says they can't believe how ignorant she is.

[natjosh]

She's mouthy and disrespectful because you lead her in that direction. I would have been mouthy and disrespectful (and you would have to o) had someone said that to me.

Why couldn't you have empathized with her -- "Yup, it really seems unfair about those touchdowns, doesn't it" That would have given her a chance to express herself better than just yelling at you and acting out.

Do you ever play with these kids and have fun, or are you the great disciplinarian who is always riding herd on them?

Yes we do stuff all the time together . And you have to understand it may even sound harsh reading it but when I said that to her at the park able whining, I said it in a very calm cool and collect voice . It didn't sound mean at all. It didn't sound like an order or anything . Even when her dad tells her something simple , she yells 'OMG' over and over and complains and complains... over simple things! She's disrespectful to others too not just us. We had so many complaints from her friends parents and people at park because of her attitude... we do do stuff as a family . Me and my boyfriend have a 1yr old back together . All the kids are great with the baby..

[Oliver2011]

Yes we do stuff all the time together . and u have to understand it may even sound harsh reading it but when i said that to her at the park able whining ,, i said it in a very calm cool n collect voice . it didn't sound mean at all. It didn't sound like an order or anything . even when her dad tells her something simple , she yells 'OMG' over n over and complains and complains......over simple things !! She's disrespectful to others too not just us. we had so many complaints from her friends parents and ppl at park because of her attitude .... we do do stuff as a family . me n my boyfriend have a 1yr old back together . all the kids are great with the baby ..

From the way it sounds you focus way too much on the negative and not enough when they do something positive. So the kids want attention and since they can't get it with positive behavior they use negative behavior to get it. Think about it without a bunch of written down excuses typed on this website. I used to teach behavior modification and you don't modify behaviors with negative interactions. You do it through positive discipline and structure. Like Wondergirl said you are definitely adding to the chaos and negativity of that house. So change your behaviors and you will see changes in the kids.

Again - think about it without excuses replying on this website.

[Homegirl 50]

I think you should leave. This is crazy, He puts you out then you come back. The kids see this. This is not a stable condition. Maybe the daughter is angry about her mom being away, so she has issues. Counseling needs to be had for that.
Not all blended families work and you still have to be a parent to your two.
If he agrees to parent counseling, give it a try. If he does not, leave.

[natjosh]

Why are you putting this added stress of a time limit to leave on yourself? What's that all about?

I say just make a decision to leave and be done with it and forget all this emotional back and forth, since neither of the adults seem to be able to run this household one because you tboth have issue with each others children, and YOU obviously resent HIS kids for changing your home.

I just don't think you guys work well together under pressure despite the good qualities you both have. Blending a family is a huge endeavor, and you two just don't have the unity, or patience to do it. And obviously you cannot just hang in and keep working.

So this experiment has FAILED. Back up, start over. There is no mutual commitment or plan,
just the chaos him and his children have caused. LEAVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yeah it was great when it was just you, him, YOUR kid and a baby (How old I that baby?), but add his older kids in the mix, everything has changed and moved you out of your comfort zone. Ain't what you contracted for is it? So just leave and be done with the chaos.

Maybe you both can get it together later, but for now, its best if you get it together apart.

who is talaniman. Are you n wonder girl same person? Sorry got confused because their was so many replies.. lol. The moving out date I'm stressing over is because in two weeks theirs a house going to be ready if I want it . If I don't they need to know so they can rent it out to someone else . So the day they call I have to tell landlord yes I want it or no.

[talaniman]

Does your boyfriend know of this move you are contemplating?

[natjosh]

She's mouthy and disrespectful because you lead her in that direction. I would have been mouthy and disrespectful (and you would have too) had someone said that to me. if i wld have said that to her wen she was mad while playing football , 'yup that doesn't seem fair' .. she wld havesaid i was being a smartass.. she turns everything upside down!!! i justifications think she hates it that she can't be with her mother .

Why couldn't you have empathized with her -- "Yup, it really seems unfair about those touchdowns, doesn't it" That would have given her a chance to express herself better than just yelling at you and acting ou
Do you ever play with these kids and have fun, or are you the great disciplinarian who is always riding herd on them?

I feel she's just bitter . Maybe its her age but every thing has to be her way or no way.. we can sit there's and watch her hit her brothers then when we tell her to stop she don't justifications get little mad, she flips out...

[Wondergirl]

then wen we tell her to stop

And that's the wrong way to handle it.

[smoothy]

i feel she's just bitter . maybe its her age but every thing has to be her way or no way.. we can sit there's and watch her hit her brothers then wen we tell her to stop she don't justifications get lil mad, she flips out.....

And when she does this her father does what about it?

[natjosh]

Does your boyfriend know of this move you are contemplating?

He doesn't know completely about me moving . Every time he fights with me n gets really mad, he'll tell me to pack my kids up (the baby is his n mine too) and leave . Last time he said it I told him given me few weeks and il be out. But a day later when he's not mad anymore, nothing more is said about it... he'll really go off on me and say nasty stuff in front of the kids . My son cries and gets upset from hearing what he says to me. And to be honest, few times he has pushed me around some..

And that's the wrong way to handle it.

Why is that wrong way? We can't tell boys not to do it but let her.. . we just don't say stop. We explain that the boys aren't allowed to touch her so she can't hit them either...

[Wondergirl]

he'll really go off on me and say nasty stuff in front of the kids,, few times he has pushed me around some..

This situation is totally out of control. The parents are acting like their out-of-control children. Or, more likely, the children are imitating their out-of-control parents.

[natjosh]

And when she does this her father does what about it?

He is a very good dad. He does take my side and disciplines them very fairly .

[Wondergirl]

Why is that wrong way?? We can't tell boys not to do it but let her. .. we just don't say stop. we explain that the boys aren't allowed to touch her so she can't hit them either .......

I am hearing only negatives. If someone said "Don't do this" and "Don't do that" to you all the time, how would you react?

[natjosh]

He doesn't know completely about me moving . every time he fights with me n gets really mad, he'll tell me to pack my kids up (the baby is his n mine too) and leave . Last time he said it i told him given me few weeks and il be out. But a day later wen he's not mad anymore ,, nothing more is said about it...he'll really go off on me and say nasty stuff in front of the kids . my son cries and gets upset from hearing what he says to me. and to be honest ,, few times he has pushed me around some..

I don't think his daughter likes her dad having a girlfriend. I think she's a little jealous .