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Anonymous_619 · Aug 12, 2013, 09:06 PM

Last night my best friends (girl) told me she had be cutting her self... She spent about a hour crying and I was there and I hugged her and heald her and told her everything was going to be okay and they I would help her through everything... She then told me she had been in love with me for the past 4 years (I have known her 4 years) and that she wanted to start up something (I have also been crazy in love with her for 4 years)... She told me she wanted to go fast... She meant sex... We are 14... I rejected the topic compleataly and I told her that we are both to young for all of this and if she got pregnant it had a chance to ruien her entire life... No matter how much I wanted to I stopped her... She and I are hanging out again tonight and we are going to be alone... What do I do if she brings it up again?

Fr_Chuck · Aug 12, 2013, 10:06 PM

Just say no,

6thgrade · Aug 12, 2013, 11:16 PM

What you need to do is to tell someone, even if she said not to. You need to restrain her from cutting again.

Anonymous_619 · Aug 13, 2013, 05:16 AM

Originally Posted by 6thgrade

What you need to do is to tell someone, even if she said not to. You need to restrain her from cutting again.

She told me about the cutting 2 months ago... I have talked her out of it before... I have gone to her house when she said she fealt like she was going to do it... She was doing 3 times a week now she's doing it 0 times a month...

N0help4u · Aug 13, 2013, 11:53 AM

You tell her that you have loved her since you met her too, but that you do not want to get involved all like that too fast until you have a deeper relationship and see where it is going. 14 is way too young to know what you want. AND think of the consequences of if things don't work out between you she may start cutting worse than she had been. Reassure her that you want to be there for her and build a relationship without moving too fast. AND you want her to promise she will put every effort into not cutting.

joypulv · Aug 13, 2013, 02:00 PM

Even if you were 30 years old, you couldn't last for long with a friend who has such deep problems. Please be careful, and don't try to take on her salvation. It won't work, plain and simple. She (not so much 'she' as her problems) will drag you down into guilt and responsibility and feeling that you have failed.
Gently tell her to get help from professionals by telling her parents she needs serious help, and only then will you THINK about seeing her. Tell her that you are doing this for both of you.

Anonymous_619 · Aug 13, 2013, 03:25 PM

Originally Posted by joypulv

Even if you were 30 years old, you couldn't last for long with a friend who has such deep problems. Please be careful, and don't try to take on her salvation. It won't work, plain and simple. She (not so much 'she' as her problems) will drag you down into guilt and responsibility and feeling that you have failed.
Gently tell her to get help from professionals by telling her parents she needs serious help, and only then will you THINK about seeing her. Tell her that you are doing this for both of you.

Frist all I want to say thank you for taking time out of your life just to help me... But she has gone to professionals... She lied through it all... I have talked to her parents... One is a drunk and the other is not very caring :( she usually stays at my house so I keep her safe from her dad (the drunk) and I can make sure she doesn't cut

N0help4u · Aug 13, 2013, 03:26 PM

Be supportive but don't let her get you drawn into anything you know the 2 of you are not ready for and with her issues you know she is not ready. You have a good head on your shoulders ---Keep it!

Anonymous_619 · Aug 13, 2013, 03:35 PM

Originally Posted by N0help4u

Be supportive but don't let her get you drawn into anything you know the 2 of you are not ready for and with her issues you know she is not ready. You have a good head on your shoulders ---Keep it!

My cousin (18) is a father I'm not going to do that... I couldn't "live" you know :/...
I was just talking to her... She
Said it was spurr of the moment and that she was sorry about it all... I just hugged her and said I was sorry... I don't know why I'm sorry I just was... Im scared I can't help her with the cutting for very long... Do you have any advice to help with that...

N0help4u · Aug 13, 2013, 03:46 PM

She needs a friend, usually people who cut are hurting deep inside and do not know how to cope. Her knowing you are a supportive friend and wanting her to stop is all you really can do on your part. Give her hope but not promises or false hopes.

Anonymous_619 · Aug 13, 2013, 03:50 PM

How do I stop my friend (girl if it matters) to stop cutting. I have stopped her for the past 2 months and it had been going on for 2 years...

J_9 · Aug 13, 2013, 03:53 PM

Unfortunately, this is a complicated issue that a 14 year old friend is not going to cure. This is usually something that is handled with deep and intensive therapy.

Anonymous_619 · Aug 13, 2013, 03:57 PM

Originally Posted by J_9

Unfortunately, this is a complicated issue that a 14 year old friend is not going to cure. This is usually something that is handled with deep and intensive therapy.

I have got her to go into therapy... She lied through it all... We are both 14... I love her more than anything in the world... She is my best friend... I know she needs help I just need help to give her help... (if that makes sense)

J_9 · Aug 13, 2013, 03:58 PM

Therapy of this kind can take years. How long was she in therapy?

Anonymous_619 · Aug 13, 2013, 04:00 PM

Originally Posted by N0help4u

She needs a friend, usually people who cut are hurting deep inside and do not know how to cope. Her knowing you are a supportive friend and wanting her to stop is all you really can do on your part. Give her hope but not promises or false hopes.

I promised her everything was going to be all right... Is that a bad thing...

Originally Posted by J_9

Therapy of this kind can take years. How long was she in therapy?

2 years... Scinse she started cutting

J_9 · Aug 13, 2013, 04:10 PM

I admire you for wanting to help her, you are a good friend. However, this is something that is above what you can give her. She may need a different therapist, she may need medication.

If her life is as bad as you say it is in your other thread, it may be necessary to report her family to DCS so that she can get the proper care and therapy she needs.

Again, I admire you for wanting to help her, but this is bigger than what you alone can handle. If you have not, you need to talk to your parents and school counselors about her cutting and her home life.

joypulv · Aug 13, 2013, 04:18 PM

Originally Posted by Anonymous_619

I promised her everything was going to be all right... Is that a bad thing...

No, it's OK, try not to worry about every thing you say - what matters is that you are a caring friend.
The thing is of course that everything isn't going to be all right. I take the approach that life is really pretty tough and we deal with it however we are able. It's too bad that her parents are so lousy. Can you ask your parents to give her an occasional hug and to tell her they are glad she's there? She needs some adult appreciation, no matter how small, to replace what she never got. And tell her that she doesn't need to have sex to get love. You love her without it. She thinks it's the only way to be loved.

Wondergirl · Aug 13, 2013, 04:20 PM

Like J_9 said, it will take years of therapy to help her understand why she does this and learn how to relieve her stresses and control her life without cutting.

One thing you might want to try is to help her find a positive thing to do that will replace the cutting when she feels the urge to do so. I don't know what that could be since I don't know her. Maybe you could help her figure out what triggers cause her to cut and then, instead, write down three things that make her happy at that moment or listen to certain favorite songs or keep a journal and write down her feelings at that moment or.do certain exercises or yoga poses or pull weeds in the garden.

You're a good friend to care about her, but remember, she needs much more than what you can offer her. I wish you both well.

N0help4u · Aug 13, 2013, 04:23 PM

Originally Posted by Anonymous_619

I promised her everything was going to be all right... Is that a bad thing...

She has to want to help herself otherwise it may not be all right. Hopefully she is encouraged by your support. There are a lot of sites and support groups that are helpful to cutters and people that want to help them. This is one of many

Cutting and Self-Harm: Self-Injury Help, Support, and Treatment

Remember all you can do is be supportive. Its on her to seek help and overcome this

Anonymous_619 · Aug 13, 2013, 04:43 PM

Originally Posted by Wondergirl

Like J_9 said, it will take years of therapy to help her understand why she does this and learn how to relieve her stresses and control her life without cutting.

One thing you might want to try is to help her find a positive thing to do that will replace the cutting when she feels the urge to do so. I don't know what that could be since I don't know her. Maybe you could help her figure out what triggers cause her to cut and then, instead, write down three things that make her happy at that moment or listen to certain favorite songs or keep a journal and write down her feelings at that moment or.do certain exercises or yoga poses or pull weeds in the garden.

You're a good friend to care about her, but remember, she needs much more than what you can offer her. I wish you both well.

I just want to say thank you to you all :) its nice to know there are people who are there for you even when you don't know them... I have taught her to just take ice an squeeze it in her hand... She says it helps... And I'm going to talk to the councler at school after summer is over :/ I will keep a close eye on her and help
Her until then :)