[sa5mer]

I'm 19 and the fact that I can't make him hard as I used to scares me. Well I got to sit down with him and I asked him what's going on and apparently he couldn't say it directly but to my perspective he also wants to be working for it. Should I back off or what?

[odinn7]

You're very confusing. He can't say it to your perspective and he wants to be working for it? I have no idea what that means.

Anyway, there are many reasons this can happen... some medical, some mental.

[Homegirl 50]

While you were sitting down and talking to him, you should have asked him if you should back off a bit.
What did he say to you? How old is he?

[sa5mer]

You're very confusing. He can't say it to your perspective and he wants to be working for it? I have no idea what that means.

Anyway, there are many reasons this can happen....some medical, some mental.

odinn7, this is what I mean, he doesn't tell me things directly because he claims that he doesn't want to hurt me. He said to me yesterday that I'm becoming too nice and I stopped complaining about his weird actions which I did a lot before, same issue with the sex I didn't frequently make love to him but now that I tried to, he doesn't get hard. I'm I making sense now a little?

While you were sitting down and talking to him, you should have asked him if you should back off a bit.
What did he say to you? How old is he?

Homegirl 50, His 22 now and when we talked he didn't want me to leave cause I've done that so many times, He says even though I leave everything will be normal for him but his happier with me, no he doesn't feel sad when I leave but I become emotionally damaged thinking about what he put me through.

[CravenMorhead]

If he is saying that he doesn't want to hurt you then it usually is you that is the issue but it isn't a big enough issue in his opinion to be bothered with. The problem is that by saying that he is hurting you. There is no way to say "I don't want to hurt you" with out being hurt. It is like saying, "Don't take this the wrong way but...." or "I'm not racist but..." or "No insult intended but..."

It sounds like he's got some issues with his libido. What is his life like:
1). How stressful is his life?
2). How tired/exhausted is he? For example, If I am going to college and working full time, sex isn't going to be on my mind.
3). Alcohol/drug use and abuse?
4). How healthy is he? Any disorders like diabetes?
5). How does your schedules line up? Do you work days and he works nights?
6). How long have you two been together?
7). How is the relationship's intimacy levels outside the bedroom? Is he affectionate or does he treat you as he would a room mate?

This will give us an idea of what is going on as well as allow you to reflect on how things are going. There is a time when it is best to break up when you realize that things are going to work out. There is merit in trying to work things out but if one party isn't interested or committed then nothing will change.

[sa5mer]

Craven, Funny enough his not much of an alcoholic, actually he doesn't drink quite much. He has a lot going on his mind and I can see it but when I ask him to talk to me he'll give me a basic detail and later brush it off, which hurts me cause I've let him know most of what happens in my life. He doesn't treat me like his roommate, well at least we have a lot of laughs and good connections outside the room but his love for me is not constant, he'll love me today but tomorrow its different. We both have school work but I'm always by his side to help him move forward with it. Been together for 7 months and it will be 8 in a few days. He says we'll make things work but he won't show me any affection and I don't like being a leach about it so the little times I tell him to show me he says, "Isn't it obvious how I feel?" yet, he rarely shows it.

[Homegirl 50]

A 7 month relationship and all of this and you are feeling emotionally damaged, why in the world are you staying with him?
Maybe you two are just not compatible. I'd walk away before you have invested anymore time and feelings.