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orangeswild123 · May 19, 2011, 03:17 AM

Recently my mom has become depressed. She just doesn't seem the same, she's always just tired and sad. She's even told me she is depressed. She commutes to work, so I think that has a lot to do with it.

My dad can be a jerk to her, he's very selfish and only cares about himself. So I know she feels unappreciated and also like she's never first. So I just know she's sad, and I listen to her all the time. So she talks to me, but how can I help her out of this slump. My parents got divorced, but after 2 years got back together. I think she deserves much better. Anyway any tips on what to do? It's starting to ware down on me. I've heard these issues between my parents for 5 years. So since age 13 I've been there for her, I grew up really fast after they separated when I was 13.

J_9 · May 19, 2011, 03:34 AM

Firstly, your mom needs to have a check up with her doctor. Simple health issues, thyroid problems for example, can cause her to feel this way.

Do the two of you get any girl time? Maybe a day of shopping, lunch or a movie might help some.

orangeswild123 · May 19, 2011, 03:50 AM

Originally Posted by J_9

Firstly, your mom needs to have a check up with her doctor. Simple health issues, thyroid problems for example, can cause her to feel this way.

Do the two of you get any girl time? Maybe a day of shopping, lunch or a movie might help some.

Yeah we do hang out often, I think she's just not happy with being with my dad again. He cheated, she took him back. But he's always been selfish, I think now it's just getting to her. He's always putting his feeling before her's so if she wants to go home after going out. He puts up a stink about it. I just think she can't walk away from the house and the life they have.

Jake2008 · May 19, 2011, 06:43 AM

While you are a kind and loyal daughter to your mother, you are not her girlfriend, or her sister, or her therapist. You have been put in a position where you are worried about her, and listen, and try to help and make her feel better, but this role reversal is not good for either of you.

You cannot otherwise give her what she needs, to solve her problems. No matter what they are. You cannot change your father, or be a mediator between the two, so that he sees he needs to step up and do what you are doing, and ensure that she gets the appropriate help she needs.

While you may have an idea of why your mother is depressed, you may be prolonging the inevitable decisions she needs to make on her own, to improve her own live. She needs to come to terms with how she is feeling, with another adult, preferably her husband, and/or an adult friend or relative, or through therapy.

It is difficult to step outside the relationship with your mother, and realize that while you help her by listening and worrying about her, and doing what you need to do, she is not getting the help she needs.

There are variations in 'depression', and medication to treat those that are clinically depressed. To provide a diagnosis of clinical depression, she needs to see a qualified Doctor. This is something she needs to do for herself.

Until she does that, my opinion is, that you have a talk with her, and tell her honestly that while you love her and will do anything to help her, she needs to seek help, and that has to start with her Doctor. Be honest in telling her that her problems are affecting your life too, and that is something she may not have considered. It could open her eyes a bit to realize that she needs more help than what you are able, and qualified, to give.

To expect her to change, and address her problems appropriately, is far better than allowing her to think that she need do nothing and what is bothering her will suddenly disappear.

The longer you postpone setting your own boundaries, the longer you will be affected by your mother's depression, and the longer she will not get the help she needs.

Rivqah · May 19, 2011, 09:53 AM

This must be very tough on you... my father suffers from manic depression, and from experience I know that there's only so much you can do.

Obviously be there for her; simple things like hugs, telling her 'love you' every day can really help, but she might benefit from seeing a therapist or psychiatrist.

If you think your dad may be part of the problem, is it possible you can talk to him and ask him to be more understanding towards your mum during this hard time?

linaloo_92 · Aug 3, 2013, 10:46 AM

I am going through the same thing with my mom and Idk what to do either...
We are tight on money and can not see a qualified doctor. I keep convincing her to go see one and that this is IMPORTANT. I feel like the longer she wait the worse it gets. Our financial issues is a huge part of the depression I believe and my parents have been married for 35 yrs. And I'm the only reason they are not divorced. Its just me so its so hard to help both of them out while I am starting my life and career it wears on me.