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belouuuu · Jul 30, 2013, 11:53 AM

So my boyfriend is bisexual and he told me he keeps thinking about making out with girls, even though he doesn't want to think about it because he's happy in our relationship.

We tried to look for some help on the internet but didn't find anything so does anyone maybe have an idea how to make him "forget" about girls?

JudyKayTee · Jul 30, 2013, 11:57 AM

I don't believe anyone can change his/her sexual preference. People who don't cheat just don't, bi, gay or straight. Is that your concern?

He's bisexual - he enjoys sex with both males and females. That's how it is. Only he can control that - if it needs to be controlled.

Oliver2011 · Jul 30, 2013, 12:01 PM

Um regardless of whom he wants, cheating is cheating. If you two are in a relationship he should respect the boundaries. Period, end of discussion.

talaniman · Jul 30, 2013, 12:02 PM

You don't forget about what you like. You enjoy your sexual fantasy's, like anyone ele but don't act on them.

Tell him to stay within the boundaries of good behavior, or get lost.

belouuuu · Jul 30, 2013, 12:19 PM

Originally Posted by talaniman

You don't forget about what you like. You enjoy your sexual fantasy's, like anyone ele but don't act on them.

Tell him to stay within the boundaries of good behavior, or get lost.

HI, thanks for your reply.
But, making boundaries seems for me like cornering him, like I'm telling him what to do. I know he doesn't want to sleep with girls or kiss them he just has these desires and I can't see him struggling and trying not to think about it, yknow

Oliver2011 · Jul 30, 2013, 12:24 PM

Do you trust that he won't act on them?

We all think about different things from time to time. It is normal.

talaniman · Jul 30, 2013, 01:14 PM

Originally Posted by belouuuu

HI, thanks for your reply.
but, making boundaries seems for me like cornering him, like im telling him what to do. i know he doesnt want to sleep with girls or kiss them he just has these desires and i can't see him struggling and trying not to think about it, yknow

If sharing his fantasy's feelings and desires is going to be a problem then reassure him its not. Its normal to have feelings and desires and his conflict is trying to forget rather than embrace them.

Its normal and healthy if you don't get carried away and act on them. Tell him that.

Fr_Chuck · Jul 30, 2013, 11:22 PM

We have have fantasy and dreams, do you not think about other men sometimes ?

And straight men, who are married, often fantasy about other women. You know he is bi, so he will think about both. If you are so insecure, then that is your issue

JudyKayTee · Jul 31, 2013, 07:26 AM

I note that the OP says his boyfriend WANTS girls, not thinks about having sex with them (or something).

Cat1864 · Jul 31, 2013, 08:48 AM

May I ask how old you both are and how long you have been in this relationship?

Being monogamous does not mean you stop fantasizing about other people (or, for some, genders) or situations. As long as there is no cheating or acting on the fantasies, there isn't anything wrong with having private thoughts and feelings. If he is joining dating sites or asking women (or men) out, then there is a problem.

He needs to let go of the guilt. If he hasn't acted on his thoughts since he has been in a relationship with you, then there isn't anything to feel guilty about.

You both need to understand that just because he is in a relationship with a man he doesn't automatically become 'gay'. He is still 'bi' and he will still be attracted to women just like he is still attracted to men who aren't you. If he were with a woman, it would not make him 'straight'. He would still be attracted to males. It does not take away from what you share or make it less than it is if he thinks about females as well as men.

I highly suggest dumping the labels and enjoy building a relationship together. You are both individuals and frankly it doesn't matter who or what you fantasize about as long as you are in love and committed to each other.

JudyKayTee · Jul 31, 2013, 09:16 AM

" i know he doesnt want to sleep with girls or kiss them"

Then what does he "want" them for - ?

Fr_Chuck · Jul 31, 2013, 09:24 AM

Originally Posted by JudyKayTee

" i know he doesnt want to sleep with girls or kiss them"

Then what does he "want" them for - ?

Who wants to sleep with them, he most likely just wants sex, ** OK I had to go there,

But this shows the thinking of this person, and their misunderstanding of dreaming and fantasy.

JudyKayTee · Jul 31, 2013, 09:43 AM

Somebody had to go there. Glad it was you.