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vchavez104 · Apr 2, 2007, 07:43 AM

Hi my name is victoria, I have four adopted children, three from the same mother, different fathers' my daughter just turned 18 and her bio father showed up at the front door of my house... now my daughter has fully embraced him and his wife and children. She spends every weekend there and ask the wife to take her prom dress shopping... I feeling guilty that I am jealous of this new relationship. I've raised her since she was 4 and now I feel like I lost her to her bio father that gave up his rights years ago.:confused:

Fr_Chuck · Apr 2, 2007, 07:53 AM

And you well should feel jealous about it, the child ( although grown) needs to remember that the bio father was not there for the colds, for the skin knees, for the nights of home work study and did not want to be.
That he gave up all of those rights years ago.

She is leaving you out of now some of the more important factors of her life, and some of the better memories of her growing up.

I don't think she is fully thinking about the pain this is causing you.

( perhaps let her read this post and make her think about her actions)

While getting to know him is OK ( the relationship would or should be more like that uncle you don't see often, you know he is there, but he knew she was 18 and he knows he can now walk in and just try to play father without ever having to be one.

She is ( as to many adopted children are) not considerate of the parents who actually raise them, who do all the work, and then seem to be kicked aside when they start hunting their "real" parents.

ScottGem · Apr 2, 2007, 08:01 AM

I'm curious as to what the father said when he showed up. Have you talked about this at all with your daughter?

I agree with what Chuck said, but I think you have to tread a little lightly here. I think you need to explain to your daughter how her new relationship is making you feel. But you can't badmouth him other than to point out the obvious (that he was not there while she was growing up). You need to find out what he told her about why he abandoned her.

Right now, this is new. Maybe she is using them to get things (prom dress, etc.) to make up for that abandonment. But you need to let her know how you feel.