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    gomezj's Avatar
    gomezj Posts: 1, Reputation: 1
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    #1

    Jul 15, 2013, 05:56 PM
    Ex died.
    Need help please! I fell truly in love when I was 15 years old. He cried and told me he loved me too. Because of my jealousy he said to grow up and broke up with me. I was devastated. After a couple of months I met someone else. To say the least I moved in with him for all the wrong reasons.

    One day my ex saw me and told me he missed me and it was time for us to get back together. I immediately said yes. But now I was in a bad situation. My ex did not know about my living with another guy, and to boot, the guy I was with was very possesive and every time I tried to leave he would find me and drag me back. Once I realized it was too much for me, I gave up and stood with the abusive man I was with. Later I found out through a friend that my ex had been killed in an accident. I was devastated. I always held out hope.

    It's been 32 yrs ago and I think of him night and day I pray that we will be united in heaven. That is my only hope I have left. How do I stop thinking so much about my true love. HELP!
    Fr_Chuck's Avatar
    Fr_Chuck Posts: 81,301, Reputation: 7692
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    #2

    Jul 15, 2013, 06:28 PM
    First, no one can "come and drag you back" if they touch you, file police reports, if they abuse you, file police reports.

    You had a short love affair that ended and you jumped into bed with someone else, but then would not leave them to be with the person you "loved", that was a choice you made, years and years ago. And when you did find him again, you were not honest with him about your situation.

    We all make poor choices, You have made many.

    Are you still with the abusive partner, if so, why, because it is easier to be abused, or he has convinced you that you deserve it perhaps ?

    But thinking of a love when you were 15, ( and I may challenge that it even was love) this is now an obsession, perhaps a mental escape from the abusive relationship, it has built to something that never was, to a life of its own.

    You need to get serious counseling and therapy for both the abusive relationship and the unrealistic obsession that you have.
    JudyKayTee's Avatar
    JudyKayTee Posts: 46,503, Reputation: 4600
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    #3

    Jul 22, 2013, 10:00 AM
    I would add that living in "what could have been/pretend" is easier for you than living in the real world/today. I think your grief is excessive.

    You need to talk to someone.
    Oliver2011's Avatar
    Oliver2011 Posts: 2,606, Reputation: 746
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    #4

    Jul 22, 2013, 10:23 AM
    Yes she has made many bad choices and yes her grief is excessive. But some people love to live in drama. BLAH!
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,325, Reputation: 10855
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    #5

    Jul 22, 2013, 10:34 AM
    You must be in a lot of pain to keep holding on to a long lost love. Maybe that has to be dealt with, and often I find past feelings come rushing back on anniverary's of devastating events. I think you have many issues you need help with, and hope you get it.
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