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j7char · Jul 20, 2013, 02:31 PM

I am a single mother of 3 kids. I am in college full time trying to have a great life. I have never been married. I have been seeing a guy for 2 and 1/2 years and he is separated from his wife after 24 years, however, he says he is going through a divorce. In the mean time I have never dated a married man and I am not happy that he is still legally married. The fact that we live together really does it. It is complicated because he is so great to my kids, my family and me. His family is so great with me. Unfortunately, I want to know if I am being a damn fool waiting to see if there is a future with us or not.

N0help4u · Jul 20, 2013, 02:36 PM

Does he say where he is in the process? Like actually filed and going to court or just thinking about it? One advantage you have is that he comes home to you.

j7char · Jul 20, 2013, 02:37 PM

He says he is in the process and she is contesting it...

N0help4u · Jul 20, 2013, 02:41 PM

It might take awhile but it sounds like he is sincere. You probably should just trust and be supportive. As long as you don't see red flags of him trying to hang on to her you Should be all right

Wondergirl · Jul 20, 2013, 02:41 PM

Does he spend time with his children, if he has any (and with his wife)?

j7char · Jul 20, 2013, 02:50 PM

Originally Posted by N0help4u

It might take awhile but it sounds like he is sincere. You probably should just trust and be supportive. As long as you don't see red flags of him trying to hang on to her you Should be alright

I will take that advise but, at the same time It doesn't make sense that if he is over her why argue with a person you don't want to be with... he has kids with her and he left her once before and had a child outside the marriage and went right back to her... that's partially why I don't trust what he says...
Just this past June his daughter had a graduation... he went and didn't invite me... he was like I would love to but, his wife and her sister and mom will be there..
I feel like if you are over someone there is no need to argue. You have to talk to the parent of the child you share for the child's sake. And If he plans to be with me why act like you are just single and going through a divorce why not let her know. This is who I'm with...

Originally Posted by Wondergirl

Does he spend time with his children, if he has any (and with his wife)?

No he doesn't, I think he feels I get upset... but he claims he doesn't because he is trying to avoid the mothers... yes more than one.. he has the wife and the ex mistress baby mother... and he doesn't speak to either... they only call him for money..

Wondergirl · Jul 20, 2013, 02:56 PM

Originally Posted by j7char

no he doesn't, I think he feels I get upset... but he claims he doesn't because he is trying to avoid the mothers... yes more than one.. he has the wife and the ex mistress baby mother... and he doesn't speak to either... they only call him for money..

Did this "baby mother" situation happen when he was married to this same wife?

Alty · Jul 20, 2013, 03:12 PM

Sounds like he likes to spread his seed around, bag them and leave them. Hopefully you're not the next in line to be mother to one of his abandoned children.

I think you're right to be concerned. He doesn't have a great track record, and I do agree that if he's done with this wife, there's no reason she can't know that you're in the picture. But, I can understand why he didn't invite you to one of his children's graduation. That was about his child, not the wife, or the mistress, or you. Why upset the child by inviting the latest woman that's warming his bed, to the graduation?

Reminds me of my cousin. That man has had more women in his life than I personally know. When his daughter graduated from high school, he invited the latest love of his life. His daughter was not happy about it. In the end, she got me involved (I practically raised her, even though I was 16 when she was born). I talked to my cousin (her dad) about it, and he basically ended up threatening his daughter "either my girlfriend comes to the graduation, or I won't come". So the daughter relented. Now she has an album of graduation pictures with this girlfriend in them. Sure enough, my cousin broke up with the girlfriend a few months after the graduation. So now his daughters album is full of the ex.

Same thing happened last year at her wedding. Cousin had a new love of his life, daughter once again asked that she not come to the wedding. Dad insisted. Well, now she has a new album, her wedding album, with yet another ex.

He's actually doing the right thing by not involving you with his children, especially when it comes to important events like a graduation. Who wants someone there that probably won't be around next year?

j7char · Jul 20, 2013, 03:15 PM

Originally Posted by Wondergirl

Did this "baby mother" situation happen when he was married to this same wife?

Yes, it did..

@Alty

Wow, that's terrible what happened to your cousin and I really understand. Yes, it is about the child and with that its not that serious, but, I am really into family and it hurts for me not to be involved.
On the flip side my dad and mom divorced and he came with his woman at the time I hated was there for everything... I was jealous and rightfully so I was daddys little darling. But in the end he married that women and me, I warmed up to her because I love my dad. I guess every situation doesn't have a happy ending but, it is painful.]

Alty · Jul 20, 2013, 03:29 PM

Originally Posted by j7char

wow, that's terrible what happened to your cousin and I really understand. Yes, it is about the child and with that its not that serious, but, I am really into family and it hurts for me not to be involved.
on the flip side my dad and mom divorced and he came with his woman at the time I hated was there for everything... I was jealous and rightfully so I was daddys little darling. but in the end he married that women and me, I warmed up to her because I love my dad. I guess every situation doesn't have a happy ending but, it is painful.]

It's never easy when you mix families, especially for the kids. No matter how amicable the divorce is, or how often you see mommy and daddy, it's still every kids dream for their parents to be together. It's hard when that doesn't happen.

At this point my cousins daughter (now 25) doesn't even try to get to know the newest girlfriend. They're all the love of her dads life, and they never last. She's wised up, and she knows that they're just temporary. Actually, I think she knew that since she was a child, but she always gave her dad, and the newest woman, a chance. She has a lot of scars because of that.

Bottom line, I don't think you trust this man. If you did, you wouldn't be asking the questions you've asked here. Deep down you realize that something isn't right. When it comes to things like this, I always say go with your gut. What is your gut telling you? Don't let your heart talk your gut into something you know isn't right. Your heart will fool you. Your gut never will.

In other words, you asked if you're a fool for a married man. I urge you to re-read everything you posted on this thread. Tell me, if someone else posted it, and you read it, what advice would you give to that person?

j7char · Jul 20, 2013, 03:34 PM

Thank you, so much...

Alty · Jul 20, 2013, 03:37 PM

Originally Posted by j7char

thank you, so much....

No need to thank me, I just pointed out what you already know. :)

Good luck.

j7char · Jul 20, 2013, 04:03 PM

I am and have always dated men. However I seem t admire a woman's body. I don't want to touch them. I don't want them touching me. However I fanaticize about my current boyfriend having sex with other women because it excites me. I don't believe I want to realistically see him with another woman. I do love him and wouldn't want to lose him to another woman.

odinn7 · Jul 20, 2013, 04:05 PM

That's a fantasy... there is a difference between fantasy and reality. It doesn't make you sick or gay.

j7char · Jul 20, 2013, 04:06 PM

Thank you

N0help4u · Jul 20, 2013, 04:13 PM

Originally Posted by j7char

I will take that advise but, at the same time It doesn't make sense that if he is over her why argue with a person you don't want to be with... he has kids with her and he left her once before and had a child outside the marriage and went right back to her... that's partially why I don't trust what he says....
just this past june his daughter had a graduation... he went and didn't invite me... he was like I would love to but, his wife and her sister and mom will be there..
I feel like if you are over someone there is no need to argue. you have to talk to the parent of the child you share for the child's sake. and If he plans to be with me why act like you are just single and going through a divorce why not let her know. this is who im with...

The kids do keep some attachment and ex couples do tend to argue *over the kids* you kind of have to accept the package deal as far as the kids go. If he is keeping you a secret that could be bad or else it could be he doesn't want you brought up in court.

Now for your 2 new posts I think maybe you shouldn't be with a guy if you think your sexual preference might change. You need to find yourself before you can have a good quality relationship.

j7char · Jul 28, 2013, 04:46 PM

My sexual preferences won't change.. I will never be with a female sexually ever...

if your man is texting while with you...........

Do you think if your significant other is texting someone else while the two of you are watching a movie together... do you think it's a form of cheating or disrespect?

Wondergirl · Jul 28, 2013, 05:03 PM

Who is he texting? Constantly during the movie?

teacherjenn4 · Jul 28, 2013, 05:04 PM

It's disrespectful if the conversation wasn't urgent.

Homegirl 50 · Jul 28, 2013, 06:31 PM

This guy has a tacky track record. He may have another woman on the line for all you know. If this texting thing is a regular occurrence and not important, it's rude.
The fact that he does not see his own kids is troublesome as well. I could not respect a man who does not see his kids.