[jerseybred]

Hello,
I am hoping somebody can give me some advice. I have been in my relationship for 4 years. We are both middle aged, both have grown children. I was in a relationship with a women for many years and now do not know if the problems I am experiencing are just normal guy-girl differences or there is something else going on. We have no communication!! He will not talk to me about anything important. Since he lives with me, he pretty much knows everything about my life. He will also ask me how my kids are doing, how my family is, what they are up too. He hears the conversations I have with all my family and friends. The problem for me is he is secretive about everything. When I ask him about his kids, he would just say "I guess they are ok" or "I haven't talked to them lately". I know he talks to his daughter several times a day. He never tells me anything about what is going on with his family. If something is up with his family he will tell me several months after everybody knows it. He hardly ever takes me to visit his family but in the rare times we do go visit, the family has no problem discussing life events with me. We never discuss the future, we never make plans. He gave me an engagement ring two years ago but will not set a date. He has a house that he has never taken me in. He hides all his mail. He has a post office box that I have repeatedly asked him why he even needs. He will go outside to use his cell phone. Usually, if he doesn't like my questions, he just will act like I never even asked anything. He takes his laundry somewhere to either wash it himself or whatever. He knows it bothers me but still does it, I feel like he will not depend on me for anything, not even to wash his clothes. He works two jobs so we don't spend a lot of time together. It seems like the only time he is happen is when he is working. I do not nag, I do not complain, I am considered fairly good looking for my age, my kids are polite, I work a good job, I have my own money and NEVER ask him for any. I usually find myself crying about everyday now. I do not cry in front of him. I have tried to get him to talk to me but it doesn't work. I love my boyfriend very much but do not know if I can live the rest of my life like this. Thank you for your time.

[Krs]

Im afraid to say it is just him, sorry. Definitley not the normal guy attitude.

All couples have problems, nothing is perfect, but with no communication there surely is NO relationship, and I'm afraid this is what I see in your case.

[jerseybred]

Thank you for your answer. I just stay so confused because I do love him and don't understand why he will not talk to me. My family always tells me what a great guy he is. He does not drink, he does not cheat. He is a hard worker. I thought maybe I was being selfish wanting my mate to also be my friend. To talk to me. To want to spend time with me.

[Krs]

Your partner should be your best friend, your lover, your life.
Share everything together.

Its not right that he is making you feel this way.
There are things you need to consider about your happiness, its not fair.

[jerseybred]

Your answers are very helpful, but the last one made me cry. You are the first person that has told me that it is not fair. That maybe I should consider my happiness. I have tried over and over to get him to talk to me. To share things with me. It is never going to happen. It seems to me that the only solution is to leave this relationship but that means leaving the person that I love and also hurting him at the same time. Why does life have to be so hard. Lately, I have even had suicidal thoughts. The only thing that stops me is the thought of my children having to live with the consequences.

[Jiser]

I am sorry but if it isn't working. If your not happy, if the relationship lacks communication and you've tried your hardest to make it work? Why are you still there. Life is to short to be unhappy. It will take a while maybe even a long time but most of us get some sense of a normal life back after a break up.