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gemmagee · Jul 19, 2013, 06:53 AM

My boyfriend told me that he didn't want to be in a relationship because he will let me down.

We have carried on spending time together, but I want more. He has told me he loves me, he holds my hand and kisses me. We go to the cinema and love each others company. If he wants sex, which he sometimes does, I don't give it to him. We get on so well, but he keeps saying he doesn't want a girlfriend, he doesn't want anybody.

My friend told me the other day that he has lots of girls interested in him. My friend said he doesn't think he has another girl on the go at the moment, but if he did it would be of no surprise.

I'm just confused, I know he loves me in his own little way, but why is he treating me like his girlfriend when he doesn't want me? I don't know what to do about it, its making my head hurt thinking about it.

N0help4u · Jul 19, 2013, 07:03 AM

You tell him that you are not the friends with benefits type gal and stick to your guns. Continue your friendship and let it grow as it seems right. Make sure that he really is ready for a committed relationship before you go deeper. Right now he seems to need to see you are interested enough to not give up on him.

Oliver2011 · Jul 19, 2013, 07:16 AM

"i know he loves me in his own little way" - what you have isn't love. If you give in then he will keep coming back for more, get it, and leave you alone until the next time.

gemmagee · Jul 19, 2013, 07:23 AM

Originally Posted by Oliver2011

"i know he loves me in his own little way" - what you have isn't love. If you give in then he will keep coming back for more, get it, and leave you alone until the next time.

I don't give in, he doesn't get what he wants from me. But he still texts me every day, and most days every few hours or so. I just don't get it, and talking to him is like trying to get blood out of a stone, he can't handle talking about feelings

Oliver2011 · Jul 19, 2013, 07:31 AM

Originally Posted by gemmagee

I dont give in, he doesnt get what he wants from me. But he still texts me every day, and most days every few hours or so. i just dont get it, and talking to him is like trying to get blood out of a stone, he can't handle talking about feelings

Some guys are like that. Some guys aren't ready for a real relationship until later in life. Some guys are never ready. You have to set your expectations to that and be open if someone else comes along.

N0help4u · Jul 19, 2013, 07:37 AM

Like I said just accept him as a friend. He may never do what it takes to get to the next level but stand your ground. Don't try to figure him out.

gemmagee · Jul 19, 2013, 08:33 AM

Thank you for your advice . It makes sense

talaniman · Jul 19, 2013, 03:39 PM

Is this the same guy you have been off and on again for the last year or so? The one that cheated?

You may want more, but likely will get more of the same from this fellow. Stop the insanity, break the cycle. Stop all contact and heal from this roller coaster of emotions that has you going in circles. He isn't even a good friend really, and you can do better than this for yourself.

Your ex isn't sending mixed signal you are misreading him and he is very clear,

We get on so well, but he keeps saying he doesn't want a girlfriend, he doesn't want anybody.
My friend told me the other day that he has lots of girls interested in him. My friend said he doesn't think he has another girl on the go at the moment, but if he did it would be of no surprise.

I'm just confused, I know he loves me in his own little way, but why is he treating me like his girlfriend when he doesn't want me? I don't know what to do about it, its making my head hurt thinking about it.

He only wants you until something else comes along and he isn't treating you like a girlfriend at all just a friend he hopes to get benefits from.

gemmagee · Jul 30, 2013, 04:01 AM

He went to Brighton at the weekend, and sent me a message saying that he wants to talk. He is ready for a relationship and wants to settle down with me. He said he now wants to turn me into a mum... now I am confsused about it big time. I have not met up with him to talk yet, I'm just trying to get my head around it.

The thing is, I've just brought a canal boat, so I will be moving 30 miles away from him, I'm starting a new job, a new life... I am not sure, but I think his realsied I'm going to move on and doesn't want that to happen?

talaniman · Jul 30, 2013, 06:37 AM

Does it really matter what he wants at this point? You know what you want, and have laid good plans to get it. That's the path you are on, why get off it for words?

N0help4u · Jul 30, 2013, 07:42 AM

He wants you as a mom translation: He wants you ti be his personal maid.

gemmagee · Jul 30, 2013, 07:46 AM

Yes you are right, I now what path I am on. Its just I don't get why someone would say stuff like that? I think his confused...

talaniman · Jul 30, 2013, 08:07 AM

No he isn't confused and he has his own agenda to get what he want, you in bed. What's to get about that?

N0help4u · Jul 30, 2013, 09:54 AM

Falling into someone's (wants) to figure them out only results in burying you.

gemmagee · Jul 30, 2013, 02:21 PM

Originally Posted by N0help4u

Falling into someone's (wants) to figure them out only results in burying you.

But I won't sleep with him, so he doesn't get what he wants... but he still sticks around, so that counts for something. Although I do think his just passing time with me, so I'm going to start my new life, job and concentrate on these instead. And hopefully I'll find someone who knows what they want from a relationship... Thanks for our help.

N0help4u · Jul 30, 2013, 02:24 PM

That's what I'm talking about stay friends don't try to figure him out and live YOUR life.

gemmagee · Aug 1, 2013, 03:46 AM

That's what I am doing. But its probably best not to stay friends or I won't be able to get over him. But I'm a true beliver that you should follow your own path. That's why I have brought a boat and am starting a new life. Thanks for your help

talaniman · Aug 1, 2013, 06:34 AM

Maybe you can be friends later... maybe NOT. NOT NOW though.