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tarachelle921 · Jul 17, 2013, 03:27 PM

I live in ky. My daughter turned 4 in May. Her sperm donor has seen her approx 40 hrs her entire life, all being supervised (with case workers as well)he is back in prison, he has numerous felonies, I was just granted sole custody. I recently got married & my husband wants to adopt her, does my daughters sperm donor have to OK that & sign over his rights or can the judge just Grant that?

N0help4u · Jul 17, 2013, 03:38 PM

By sperm donor you mean a failed relationship, dad on birth certificate. What does he say about it so far? Or does he know?

ScottGem · Jul 17, 2013, 04:40 PM

First, a sperm donor is male who voluntarily donates his sperm to a sperm bank to help people who have trouble conceiving. This man is someone YOU agreed to have sex with. You made that decision. Insulting sperm donors because of your bad decision is unfair.

Because you made that decision he has the right to be a part of the adoption process. If he refuses to agree to the adoption, it is likely, given his criminal record, that a court will override his objections and terminate his rights and approve the adoption.

But I would caution against going into court with this "sperm donor" attitude. It will not sit well with the court. You should take the position that you made a mistake and you don't want your daughter to suffer for your mistake.

tarachelle921 · Jul 18, 2013, 06:03 AM

I know exactly what a sperm donor is, I was not insulting them, but a sperm donor has nothing to do with the child & doesn't help financially, so that's what he is. He is a poor excuse of a dad & I refuse to call him that. Yes I agreed to have sex with him, we were in a relationship, but because of his lies & drug use it didn't work. I have given him many opportunities, as well as the judge, but he proved his drugs & "thug life" were more important. I asked a serious question because I wanted others opinions, your second paragraph ScottGem was all I needed, not to be criticized.

tarachelle921 · Jul 18, 2013, 06:08 AM

No he is not on the birth certificate. He was in prison when I gave birth & is sitting in prison now cause he can't stay out of trouble. I assumed he would be in court but for some reason he wasn't, I don't know if it was because he is in a different county & they just didn't want to transfer him, but I assume they will notify him that the judge granted me with sole custody. He knows I got married & that my husband wants to adopt, he of course didn't like that idea because he claims he is a good dad & he & his daughter have a connection, she has absolutely no idea who he is.

N0help4u · Jul 18, 2013, 07:31 AM

So you call him the biological father instead, as Scott said sperm donor makes you look bad... in more than a couple ways.

AK lawyer · Jul 18, 2013, 07:41 AM

Inaccurate terminology aside, the answer is that notice of an adoption petition will have to be given to whomever inseminated OP, so as to become the biological father. If, as it appears, she knows that he is the father, it is quite possible that his consent to the adoption will not be needed, but he probably will have to be given due notice.

ScottGem · Jul 18, 2013, 08:10 AM

Originally Posted by tarachelle921

I know exactly what a sperm donor is, I was not insulting them, but a sperm donor has nothing to do with the child & doesn't help financially, so that's what he is. He is a poor excuse of a dad & I refuse to call him that. Yes I agreed to have sex with him, we were in a relationship, but because of his lies & drug use it didn't work. I have given him many opportunities, as well as the judge, but he proved his drugs & "thug life" were more important. I asked a serious question because I wanted others opinions, your second paragraph ScottGem was all I needed, not to be critisized.

Sorry, but you were insulting sperm donors as a group. I understand that he is a poor excuse for a father and you don't want to refer to him as one. But your use of the term sperm donor may prejudice the court against you. Refer to him as the bio parent. Refer to as a deadbeat or non-involved parent. But to refer to him as a sperm donor is inaccurate and pejorative.

Also this site is a bit different from other Q&A sites. We don't just answer the question we try to deal with the whole situation. And your attitude towards him, while perfectly understandable, will not stand you well in court.

tarachelle921 · Jul 19, 2013, 06:53 AM

I asked a simple question, not to be judged. I would assume that he would need to be notified and I'm sure he could have the opportunity to object to my husband adopting her, I do believe that given the circumstances & his continued use of drugs, that odds are in our favor, as well as the name change. As of now I still have my maiden name, my daughter has my last name as well, but eventually I would like for both of us to have my husband's last name. Thank you for everyone's answers.

ScottGem · Jul 19, 2013, 07:04 AM

Originally Posted by tarachelle921

I asked a simple question, not to be judged. .

And, again, we sometimes have to make judgments to give the best advice. The attitude you displayed in your post can work against you in court.

N0help4u · Jul 19, 2013, 07:09 AM

Really how were you judged? We just tried giving you good advice on how people in your life can view things so that you Don't end up with unnecessary issues from them.

tarachelle921 · Jul 19, 2013, 07:30 AM

And I understand that, but the judge knows exactly how I feel about him. I also know what to say & what not to say while I'm in front of the judge. I don't refer to him as a sperm donor to the judge, I refer to him by his last name. But again thanks.

AK lawyer · Jul 19, 2013, 02:49 PM

"Do not judge lest you also be judged."