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Anonymous58 · Jul 14, 2013, 07:17 AM

Ok so here goes...

I've been in a relationship with my girlfriend for 5years and I love her very much she's good to me and when we're good we're good. Like every relationship we have had our shares of ups and downs. However we really had one of our downs 5 months ago, she was abusing drugs (pills)and it changed how she acted to me. She became very distant and started ignoring me, it was like I didn't exist. I accused her and she denied if at the time, but I was very aware of the signs. In that time I met someone and it was an instant click we just fit really good together very similar likings in many different things. I hung out with her and it grew into a affair. I told my girlfriend and of course she was devastated well I also was ready to leave her. She begged me not to for the longest and well I eventually did for a week with this other girl.

Then I find out the other girl was lonely while I was trying to figure things out and she was talking to other people. I asked her to be honest with me and she wouldn't I had to do my usual magna pi investigating. I asked her why lie to me as I wasn't single and her response was because she was afraid to lose me be she was lonely but really only wants me.

So I felt like I should leave her alone and focus on my girlfriend and I did and then I started really missing her. I would look at our pictures everyday and loon at her fb everyday just to see what she was up too. Then I dreamed about her for 3 days and so I decided to contact her and meet with her. We had a heart to heart and now I'm just thinking about packing my stuff and really giving it a real with her. Am I wrong?

wwtfn · Jul 14, 2013, 08:31 AM

You will never have a true relationship with your current girlfriend, as long as she's abusing drugs. I'm sad to say, her first love is the drug, and you will never be able to compete with it. She needs serious treatment and perhaps will never realize it until she starts losing things in her life - and that includes you.

As for this other relationship, I have a question: Is this truly a strong attraction, or is the attraction strong because you're needy right now, having been neglected in your current relationship? I think you owe it to yourself and the new girl to know the difference otherwise you could be embarking on something that's doomed to failure. The two of you seem very confused right now and may want to consider taking it slowly.

N0help4u · Jul 14, 2013, 08:37 AM

My advice is move, live alone or with friends and family. Do not move in with other Furl until you know her better, you know the x isn't going to be interfering AND you are sure you know what you want.

Anonymous58 · Jul 14, 2013, 10:06 AM

Thank you both and she claims she went to the Dr and told them and said she set her up with an over the phone counsel. She said she didn't want to be seen in person is this possible?

joypulv · Jul 14, 2013, 10:12 AM

People don't kick drug habits over the phone.
Not many people kick the habit with lots of counseling, in person. Not many kick it in 24/7 rehab.
People on drugs lie, lie, and lie some more.
One BIG rule of rehab is NO RELATIONSHIPS.
Don't enable her by falling for anything she says, sorry. And tell her so. It has to be the coldest hardest truth. Not with raised voice or anger, but it has to be firm and you have to follow through.

Caba35 · Jul 14, 2013, 03:07 PM

Yeah dude... I just got out of marriage where my ex-wife was abusing pain meds... That person is checked out and there is nothing that will ever get to them unless they decide to take care of themselves. Making big decisions like getting out of a long-term relationship will usually stir up some intense emotions... But the big thing is to keep the bigger picture in mind. If this person is not contributing to you, your dreams and mostly not even following theirs... It's a toxic relationship and they need to get themselves figured out before being with someone else.

wwtfn · Jul 16, 2013, 07:10 PM

Originally Posted by joypulv

People don't kick drug habits over the phone.
Not many people kick the habit with lots of counseling, in person. Not many kick it in 24/7 rehab.
People on drugs lie, lie, and lie some more.
One BIG rule of rehab is NO RELATIONSHIPS.
Don't enable her by falling for anything she says, sorry. And tell her so. It has to be the coldest hardest truth. Not with raised voice or anger, but it has to be firm and you have to follow through.

Sage advice... please heed.

wwtfn · Jul 16, 2013, 07:33 PM

Originally Posted by Anonymous58

Thank you both and she claims she went to the Dr and told them and said she set her up with an over the phone counsel. She said she didn't want to be seen in person is this possible?

In all probability, she went to the Dr's and got more pills. If she is addicted to prescription meds, these are likely opiates and cessation from this family of drugs requires close, medical supervision. This type of intervention cannot be accomplished over the phone.