[AveDogg]

I have now been married for 3 1/2 years. My wife and I argue, I know that every couple has its tiffs, but when we argue it is a fight and the question always comes up "maybe we should get a divorce".

We have been trying to conceive for the past two years and with no luck. We are in our second round of IUI and she feels that she is not pregnant. Sometimes I think this is a sign from GOD, saying that we shouldn't be married to each other.

I have my problems, like sometimes, I won't tell her something, because I'm afraid she'll get upset. She feels that it is lying to her... I can understand her point.

We are total opposites, I'm a laid back, optimistic person, who always sees the glass half full.

She is a tense, realist, with pessimistic tendencies. She is a negative person and when things don't go her way she gets really upset.

I feel that I am the only one that has compromised anything. I am the one who moved away from my family and friends, changed my job, changed my ways. She is unwilling to do anything.

Going back to the baby thing for moment, the doctor told her that she needs to lose weight, so we hired a personal trainer for 24 sessions, which cost $1300. And she didn't even give 10% in to it. She didn't lose any weight, I try to help her but, all that does is cause more arguments.

I am very frustrated, about everything... Please help...

[shygrneyzs]

You are right in saying every couple has their "tiffs" - that is just the nature of a marriage - it is going to happen sometime. But when you bring "maybe we should get a divorce" into the argument, then it is time to seek counseling and find out what is really going on.

You sound very unhappy, like you are giving 90% and she is only giving 10% to the marriage (if that much). When you describe your personalities, you are opposites and while I know opposites attract, they also burn out quickly.

I would dare say that your wife is just as unhappy as you are. Going to a marriage counselor and setting everything on the table is a good idea. You might even get some insight into what propelled you into a relationship with her and how to avoid another one of the same kind.

[AveDogg]

Thank you for the response, one of our biggest problems is our lack of a sexual relationship. After our last huge fight, I spoke with my mother whom I am very close to and usually with my personal romances I usually bottle things up, and don't tell anyone. My mother who got divorced when I was 10 said we should seek marriage counseling as well. When I mentioned to my wife, she said I need to find out if our insurance covers it or not. When she said that I felt that she cares more about money than our relationship. Sometimes I fee that she is too controlling, with the money that is fine, because I am not very good at money things... I am not a very confrontational person when it comes to females so I don't stand up to myself. When she gets mad I just sit there and listen...

[shygrneyzs]

You need to develop some interpersonal skills, such as sticking up for yourself, asserting yourself, be proactive instead of reactive. That sounds easy but it is not. But it can be learned, honestly, it can be done.

If your wife will not go to counseling, then you go. Do you have a church you attend? I ask that because the pastor would be a great resource for you. Pastors/Priests/Rabbis, etc. have all received some training in counseling. There are so many resources out there that you can tap into - if you want to read something on self help and self esteem, marriage building, just anything pertaining to relationships. You can look here, on the Help Desk, for topics under self-esteem, relationships, etc. and get a great deal of information from them.