[trisha2233]

I'm a 25 year old black woman.. I've had no good relationships in the past.. there is this white guy like 49 short goofy looking.. he is a really nice person and he treats me with respect... my problem is that I'm not attracted to him at all.. my mome say I'm being ungrateful because I prayed for a good man and he sends me one but I guess I just want someone I feel attractive to and be a good man... I'm a average woman myself.. its hard for me to find a guy close to my age that will do right by me... I don't have any kids and he has a seven year old... am I wrong for not wanting to be with this man because of his age and looks... I don't want to get bored being with a older guy... I always imagine myself with someone I can grow with and maybe have a child with... I'm just crazy because I'm so caught up on looks and age rather than how would he treat me... plz somebody tell me what to do.. how me get a better understanding

[JudyKayTee]

I think you have a perfect understanding of what you want and what your mother wants you to have.

Life is long. Relationships can be tough. Why marry someone you don't love - for starters?

[N0help4u]

You can not be with someone that you don't have those kind of feelings for and you can't damage your life/future to please your mother. You can be friends with this guy and see where it goes, without pressure from others, but you need to make that clear and don't get in over your head.

[Fr_Chuck]

First age / 49, he is not over the hill, why do you think a 49 is boring, is it because he does not live a life style you like ? Is past problem with me is that you go by looks alone ?

Looks should not matter if you love him, love is beyond looks.

Next having a child, a 49 year old can have children, a 59 year old can have children.

[joypulv]

Be your own woman first. Then you WILL find someone. Looking for Mr. Goodbar as your primary purpose in life does attract the wrong kind of men. 25 is still very young, and you have plenty of time to have children. Don't settle for this guy; it isn't fair to him and it isn't fair to yourself. Thank your mother for her advice and proceed on with career, hobbies, interests, further learning, new skills, and good friends. Chances are the good friends will be the indirect source of the truly wonderful man you will meet, and he will be charmed by all that you are, not what you look like.
If you were to take a night school course at a community college, what would you like it to be, just off the top of your head? Criminal forensics, poetry, Photoshop, textile design? (Those all popped into my head.)

[JudyKayTee]

I re-read this. Sounds like failed relationships with men your own age who did not treat you well. I agree with Frchuck - I wouldn't rule anyone out if he treats you well but there is an age difference.

But why would you even consider someone you do not find attractive? For starters it's not fair to him.