What should I do?

whydontheluvme · Mar 31, 2007, 07:52 PM

I started talking to a married man 15 months ago and we were nothing but friends. We remained friends for 9 months and nothing ever happened except us talking and seeing each other on occasion. We then became intimate and shortly after that I started to have feelings for him. I did not tell him at first because I knew he was married and that I could not have him. But I finally told him how I felt and he said that I knew he was married and that I could not feel that way. But he did not do anything to stop those feelings. We did not stop talking, we continued being intimate and I never hid how I felt for him. He told me over and over again that he could very easily fall in love with me and to give him time and he was going to leave his wife. One day I decided that I knew what I was doing was wrong and that I knew I needed to move on. So I quit talking to him all together. It was the hardest thing I had ever done. I cried all the time, stayed depressed and thought about him 24/7. About 1 1/2 months after we stopped talking he did leave his wife. But I wanted him to work to get me back so I told him that I was over him and that I did not love him anymore. Knowing the whole time that I loved him just as much if not more. So I found out several weeks later that he was dating someone else. I have been honest with him now and told him that I still love him. But I think I may have messed up by telling him I did not love him because now he is dating someone else. I just love him more than I have ever loved anyone and I want to be with him so bad. Any suggestions??

shygrneyzs · Mar 31, 2007, 08:54 PM

Oh dear. You did the right thing by telling him no. It had to be painful, but you did the better thing and stood up for your own honor. He left his wife and is now dating someone else. What does that say to you? He did not have the same value to your relationship as you did. He had a different set of principles and understanding from you. He moved on. He is going to continue to move on. If you would get back with him, how in the world would you ever trust him to be faithful? How would you know if he is truthful to you? You would not know. It would be a best guess as to his honesty.

You need to get your head out of this misery you have created for yourself. Get busy with life - meet other people, develop other interests, obtain a hobby, do some volunteer work that gets you re-focused onto the important things in life. Address your own emotional health and work on getting yourself respect and self esteem back. Because, to be honest, a woman who gets knowingly involved with a married man, or stays involved with the married man once she knows, is deliberately sabotaging her chances for true love with someone who is totally available and able to be in a committed relationship.

Fr_Chuck · Mar 31, 2007, 08:58 PM

There is nothing "right" about dating a married man. And obviously he did not care that much about you, if he already had another girl friend that short after breaking up with you.

And no of course he was not leaving his wife, has he left ? How hard is it to pack some bags and move out..

Being with a married man is never real love anyway.

whydontheluvme · Mar 31, 2007, 09:08 PM

It has been several months now. It is not like he left his wife one day and started dating this woman the next day. It all took time. I told him that I did not love him and did not want to talk to him. So he just went on with his life. And seeing that he was with someone else hurt and I decided to be honest with him.

I know there is nothing right about being with a married man, but sometimes you cannot help how the heart feels. People do not understand unless they have been in the same situation.

JoeCanada76 · Mar 31, 2007, 09:48 PM

Whether you can not help how the heart feels. Whether people understand the situation does not matter.

You got yourself into a big mess by being with a married man. He actually did leave his wife and you honestly thought you meant something to him, which you really did not. He is dating somebody else and honestly there is nothing you can do about that.

What you can do is learn from this experience. Never make the same mistakes again and go on living life.

Joe