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anko · Mar 26, 2007, 07:16 AM

My two kids, age 9 and 5 are fighting so much lately. They hit scratch and scream at each other. My daughter even made the comment that she hopes her brother gets bit by a snake because I had him get out of some bushes he was in. but I will say they do have some good moments. Is this normal? Or should I seek professional help. they even get angry with me.

vlee · Mar 26, 2007, 07:30 AM

I think it is totally normal. Kids fight with each other, always have, always will. They are impatient with one another, aggressive, and downright mean at times. But, these are the practice years too... kids are beginning to react to things like anger, and fear. This is when they learn what works and what doesn't. They learn what provokes others, what stops them from being teased, etc... This is not to say that hitting should go unpunished, but really you can't intervene in everything. Unless you are trying to describe children who have severe outbursts and physically fight for the sole purpose of inflicting pain (not fighting over a toy, etc.. ) I think it is probably just a normal part of growing up.

Lord_Darkclaw · Mar 26, 2007, 07:32 AM

It's normal in so much as it's very common, but yes, get some help if you can afford it.
There's something going on that is causing them emotional problems and it's not going to go away by itself -ever.

i_LoVE_jUnIoR · Mar 26, 2007, 07:38 AM

Originally Posted by anko

my two kids, age 9 and 5 are fighting so much lately. they hit scratch and scream at each other. my daughter even made the comment that she hopes her brother gets bit by a snake because i had him get out of some bushes he was in. but i will say they do have some good moments. is this normal? or should i seek professional help.? they even get angry with me.

I'm not really an expert but
I think that it is normal
Little kids always fight
They'll get ove rit when they grow up !

iAMfromHuntersBar · Mar 26, 2007, 07:57 AM

This is totally normally, I have a brother 5 years younger than me and we used to fight ALL the time, so violently that he once stuck a fork in my forehead and I regularly remember say I wished he was dead (especially when I became a sulky teenager!)

We've grown up now and I love him to bits, we don't fight any more (he'd kick my a$$!) either!

I think sibling rivalry is all a part of growing up and asserting yourself as a person!

I actually feel sorry for only children who don't have anyone to fight with!

robertsqueen · Mar 26, 2007, 08:44 AM

This is normal. Me and sister when we were younger used to fight like cats and dogs One time she slammed a trunk on my head. Now we are best friends. I don't think that you need professonal help.

Lord_Darkclaw · Mar 26, 2007, 11:05 AM

When I was a kid, I hated my sister. Now I'm an adult, and she's married with children, I still don't like her.

I don't care what anyone says, when children fight it is just as serious as when adults fight.

TheSavage · Mar 26, 2007, 02:24 PM

Lol my brother whacked me In the head with a brick -- normal sibling rivalry. -- Savage

Squiffy · Mar 26, 2007, 02:26 PM

My kids are 4 and 5, and act like they are each others worst enemies at times. My son, the 4 year old, regularly tells us al that he wishes his sister would disappear, and she beats ten bells out og him and yells that she hates him.

Yet every night they fall asleep in bed with each other, and when they go to their separate schools, neither will leave without giving the other a big kiss and a cuddle.

Kids eh!

Lord_Darkclaw · Mar 26, 2007, 03:05 PM

Why don't people take it seriously? Do kids have to bludgeon each other to death before someone says "oops, maybe we shoulda broke em up sooner?"

TheSavage · Mar 26, 2007, 03:46 PM

Originally Posted by Lord_Darkclaw

Why don't ppl take it seriously? do kids have to bludgeon each other to death before someone says "oops, maybe we shoulda broke em up sooner?"

Its really not that we do not take it seriously, its just most of us where the same way at that age,and see it as part of growing up.
I am the oldest of 3 boys. Rick is 2 years younger than I and we fought like cats and dogs,but if someone else messed with either of us the Savages would be coming.Rick and I are very close though even though see each other seldom due to distance.
George is 6 years younger than I so really I paid him little attention growing up, and of course we never got into a fight. He lives 20 miles from me and we hardly know each other,and really do not get along that well when we have to do family things together.
Odd as it seems to some extent fighting brought rick n I closer. -- Savage

RubyPitbull · Mar 26, 2007, 04:05 PM

LD, although you know I love you, I don't totally agree with you on this one. The operative word here is totally. You need to look a little closer at her posting. She says that they do have their good moments. When you have kids, with that age difference especially, the older one resents the younger one. The younger one gets mad at the older one for being so bossy. Unless one of them is torturing and killing animals or is rigging up intricate systems to dismember their sibling, outside help in the form of a counselor, really isn't needed. Mom has to be smart about this.

anko, it may serve you well to check out your local bookstore and peruse the parenting section. There are many child psychologists that have written books. If you have one of those big box bookstores like Barnes & Nobles or Bordersbooks, those are the best places to go. Buy yourself a cup of java, pick a few books, sit down and take a long look at them, all the while enjoying a nice beverage. The great thing about those places is that you can sit as long as you want without anyone telling you to leave. Once you find one or two books that you like, buy them and read them. They will offer constructive advice as to how to handle them when they are "unkind" to each other.

By the way, I hated my older brother. He lit my hair on fire once, among a vast assortment of other torturous acts. I once gave him a knife to use when he wanted to see how the electrical socket worked. The electricity, of course, was still on at full force. :eek: But I think I can be excused for that one. I was only 3 at the time.

I still don't like the guy too much. But, as we get older, we find common ground and get along a lot better. When he starts his crap, I pretend to listen. This way, he can say whatever he wants and I don't ever remember it. Both of us are happy.

emilylips · Mar 31, 2007, 02:42 PM

Lord Darkclaw my question is do you have kids? I have 3 daughters and the 2 older ones fight all the time, but hate being apart from each other. When I was a kid my brother and I fought like mad. Now as adults he is someone I really look up to and talk to several times a month. I think sibling rivalry is normal. I think it is maddening at times, but one day we will be able to look back and thank god we all made it through. Hang in there ! It's the sweet moments they have with each other that outweigh all the fighting.

zelda · Mar 31, 2007, 05:22 PM

Its natural . When I was little my sister tried to drown me... one is jealous of the other

Kriscool · Apr 1, 2007, 09:06 PM

To the earlier posts.

I was tackled and almost got shot with a BB gun and beaten with a SHARP stick. I'm about 5 years older at that time so I just pushed him down and ran away.

LOL I've got the scar to prove it. (not really)

Kriscool

Also its very very normal for kids to eat at each. Still have punishments though.

MaxyWelsh · Apr 4, 2007, 04:06 AM

I have two children 7 and 10. I have had to introduce special consequneces for hitting one another. I make it VERY clear that this is not an acceptable way of getting what you want and I try to teach them alternate ways of making their views known.
The consequence of hitting their brother or sister was to miss out on osmething that they enjoyed (usually TV time).
Having said this, they still hit one another sometimes, but it gets better as they get older.
Sibling rivalry is VERY normal (but still a very frustrating part of being a parent). I agree with everyone who has said it is a matter of perspective. If they DO have their good times I think they are OK.

keepnsane · Nov 30, 2011, 08:05 PM

Well, what my kids tell me now that they are grown is that my interventions, especially the "tell your sister you are sorry" and trying to figure out who was telling the truth & not only made things much worse... I didn't know that it is pretty normal for kids to fight, try to separate them so they calm down & that no one is really bullied, and let them (as dysfunctional as it looks) let them work things out... because the alternative is that they end up hating each other & you "mom always like you best!"... Super nanny seems to have a lot of episodes that may fix other problems in the family, their could be other problems and her solutions seem to be uplifting & doable even with kids that are initially out of control... I'd look into that show